Struggling To Hold Down A Job.

[Seagreen]

I have identified a pattern in myself.

I dropped out school during final exams and never went back.

I start a project, devote all of my attention to it. Almost get good at it, then one day I'm either overwhelmed or bored and avoid it for the rest of my life.

I start a new job or course and suddenly get overwhelmed with all the extra commitment. Then start breaking down. I look for the quickest escape route.

I find everyday life overwhelming much of the time. Im at home with children and struggle to get basic household chores and cooking finished by the end of the day. Other people seem to be able to do it much easier. How do they do it?

I have begun to avoid anything that involves commitment because I know i won't be able to stick it out.

I have so many interests and want contribute to society but am unable until I address this problem and learn to manage the responsibilities I already have. How can I cope with an even bigger work load?

These are possible contributors to to problem.

Performance Anxiety.

Feeling I am not good or smart enough to have anything worthy of contributing.

Social anxiety

Short attention span

Indecisiveness

Lack of support.

Lack of knowing people with similar interests to me.

Lack of time (Although this would be the easiest to fix).

Emotional and physical fatigue.

Mental and physical health problems.

I know I do have at least a basic intelligence which puts me in a position to do many kinds of jobs. But I was always told I wasnt smart enough to do the things I wanted to do. Since I have so far been unsuccessful in all pursuits I sometimes wonder if this is true.

I never had support or encouragement growing up. When I started missing days in my first year of high school and stopped doing the work I fell behind. I've never caught up. No one seemed to notice or care despite my grades being good prior to that.

I want to study and earn myself an enjoyable and well paying job but need to turn this around. I'm not young anymore. I dont blame anyone other than myself for my mistakes, but also understand that I am doing the best I can with what I have to work with.

Sorry if this is all over the place. Can I over come this problem? Am I missing an important element of what it takes to be successful? Or do I just need to learn to "harden up"?

 

[Friday]

"Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence." - Robert Frost

The only hardening up I would see even somewhat useful would be the above. Whether you're listening to yourself beat yourself up, or someone else tearing you down past or present. Self confidence is an acquired skill. It either has to be taught or learned.

Overcoming problems, meanwhile? Absolutely possible. Improvise, adapt, overcome.

 

[Seagreen]

Thats true Fridayjones. I have observed in others that self confidence makes a huge difference in how well people perform.

I believe that Im worthy of success, but my inner voice tells me I cant do it. Im not sure if that is me being rational. Maybe I am aiming too high. Maybe I really am not smart enough to do the things I desire to do. Or am I just beating myself down? How I tell the difference? If it is the later, how do I create confidence Ive never had?

 

[Ronin]

What about trying just to see where it leads, Seagreen? As in, that voice may be right. But you also can prove it wrong. Or learn it was right in some parts, not all.

 

[illusionist]

From my experience confidence grows by doing at a realistic level....start off aiming not for the end result but aiming for the stages to get to the end result. ..break it down so it doesn't become so overwhelming in your mind. As you reach each stage your confidence grows as you see the results bit by bit. Because I'm not so overwhelmed I can see more clearly what I am genuinely capable of.

I'm not one of those people who believes I can do anything I put my mind to......but I can do anything I'm capable of.....it's being realistic in what my capabilities are if I put my mind and effort into it.

 

[ihateusernames]

Can I over come this problem?

Yes, you absolutely can!

Am I missing an important element of what it takes to be successful?

I highly doubt it.

Or do I just need to learn to "harden up"?

No, I wouldn't put it that way. You just need practice. You feel like you can never accomplish anything because you feel like you haven't (and I highly doubt it's true that you haven't accomplished anything, by the way). Those are separate things. There are plenty of things that you have not done that you're more than capable of doing.

As for getting there I couldn't put it any better than @richter scale. Set your goals small and realistic and each time you achieve one you'll know that you can, in fact, accomplish things. It makes the next one easier.

Don't get me wrong, I know exactly where you're coming from. I start so many projects and then let them fall by the wayside. It's so frustrating to see some people seem to have it all together and be able to do anything. But it's not useful to compare ourselves. We don't know the details. We don't know what they're giving up to do whatever they're doing or how long it took them to be able to do it.

 

[The Albatross]

I believe that I'm worthy of success, but my inner voice tells me I cant do it. I'm not sure if that is me being rational. ... how do I create confidence I've never had?

1. Find the off button, mute button for the inner critic when it delivers you messages that are self defeating and do not serve you. There is a way to take charge of your inner critic and take the conversation back.

2. Being rational was identifying the behavioral pattern and you've done a very good self examination... that was based on your personal experience and is very rational... however that's as far as you need to go. Behavior and habits can change... you shift over to skillsets that help you to create new habits and behaviors.

3. How I created confidence I've never had was by self parenting and self study and also by goal setting and challenging... by starting small and building up over time larger goal challenges that over-write my old experiences and create new ones where I am successful.

Can you shift the belief of being worthy of success to the belief that you are not locked into your thinking pattern, habits, or behaviors and can learn how and actualize initiating change?

Great topic!!!

 

[Eleanor]

You sound like a classic adult ADHD story to me. This is what often happens to kids with a learning disability or ADHD who are not in supportive environments, or rather, who are in environments where the adults are willing to write the kid off.

Check this out and see if it might be a piece of the puzzle:

Link Removed

The pattern is a pretty common one for people who have learning disabilities. Here is a workshop that was done a number of years ago... it is an eye opener.

 

[Seagreen]

Thank you all for your thoughts about this. There are several different perspectives here and Ive taken them all into consideration.
My plan of attack is to work on 'switching off' the critical thoughts I have about myself and to set some achievable goals to boost confidence as well. I don't think this will address all of the issues but its a start.

@Eleanor I don't think that I have a learning disability(?) I did a little bit of research and it didn't really resonate. ADHD maybe, as I am bored easily and need constant mental stimulation to avoid going crazy. I definitely do have difficulty with social cues and communication. This is probably for another thread so I'll leave it there.