Struggling To Hold On.......

[dakoda]

Sorry I forgot to mention he's asked everyone what I think of the jeep, but me.

 

[Navy Spouse]

Dakoda, glad to hear you had a good day! I know I treasure the family time, when things feel normal. I replay it in my head and hang onto every word that makes me feel we will be whole again some day.

 

[dakoda]

Well....I'm apparently an idiot!!! I texted him:
Had a great day....my cheeks match my shirt! Can you say sunkissed! LOL Goodnight :)

and nothing.......
His phone is attached to his fingers.....I know he got it!!! @#*#!

 

[Zipperhead]

Take the joy when it comes. Don't let a small, trivial text message ruin a great day. Do you know how hard it probably was for him to do all that stuff today? I bet my wife wishes I was able to pull all that off. My IED strike was in 2007. My wife has been waiting for a miracle since then. She's persistant at least. Smile, go to bed and remember a good day for a change.

 

[Navy Spouse]

I'm sorry, that sucks. To much technology these days! I'm sure you're kicking yourself for texting.

 

[Nicolette]

Dakoda.....baby steps..... It takes time and patience. I know it's hard not to get excited and continue but now is the time to take small pleasures and treasure them while still allowing space. Very hard to do and easy to say but if you can hold on to that it you my find you suffer less yourself.

 

[dakoda]

Thanks everyone :)

Zipperhead, I really appreciate your comment. I know he's still sitting on the fence or why would he bother with me in the first place. I just wanted him to know that it meant a lot to me and that he made me feel good......yes your still capable of making me feel good.....why is that so scary to him?

I didn't actually expect him to text me back....but I did have a hope that he would at least say goodnight..... so ya I guess I set myself up to be crushed. I'm not sure if I have the thinck skin for this......

I'm his wife.....this isn't a new relationship to us!! Yes....we are having to try a new way in communicating, but am I just not seeing the signs.....good or bad.....

I actually thought to myself last night....he's cheating on me.....but he also know that if he needs an out to this relationship that's it!! I guess maybe you can't call it cheating if we're not together.....but are we.....aren't we!!

Zipperhead, your insight is very valuable to me...... but you are still in your marriage you never left.

 

[Zipperhead]

I am still present, but I haven't been here for a long time. You are right though, my situation is differant. My wife would probably argue that point with you though. Communication, intimacy, even a hug before the day starts. All gone. And it took me 3 years to admit I had a problem, so it's been gone for along time. What is his goal? Does he want to get better and come back? Hold onto that. Don't look for the excuses. Look for the hope.

 

[Army_Brat_88]

I'm not sure if I have the thick skin for this

Dig down deep Dakoda. You do. You need to for his sake. Like Zipperhead said, we can't let the trivial stuff get to us. It's probably easier at times to grow antlers on our head some days, but that's when you REALLY need to dig down even further. Keep posting to get it out. You're not alone.

AB

 

[Navy Spouse]

Dakoda, I have the same feeling you do. I'm confused most by my husband leaving and it tears me apart that he did. His explanation to me was that he didn't want the girls and I to be around his anger and he didn't want to do or say something he couldn't take back.

I go back and forth, some days I have total respect for him wanting to protect us and other days I'm so angry and hurt because I feel like we can't work on a relationship when we're not together dealing with things as a couple. (A relationship that didn't need work prior to PTSD) When we do things as a family, the majority of the time he's happy and warm towards us. I get a hug and kiss when he arrives and when he leaves. That just makes me all the more confused. I don't know if the time he has away allows him to feel good when he's with us.?? When he was home I knew he had angry moments and with just returning home he had to be moving all the time, he couldn't relax. He rarely intiated any kind of touch. With him out of the house its hard for me to know what he's feeling.

I feel torn also. I see all these stories of the men who have stayed in the home and I'm mad that mine didn't. Then I read the stories of the women who feel like their walking on egg shells in their own home and/or their husbands there but he's not emotionally there for them and I wonder what would feel worse. I really think atleast with my case as much as I hate to admit it, it would be harder to have him here but not be able to give me that hug when I needed it. It's just hard, there's no doubt about it. It's hard to remember the way things were a little more than a year ago and then know what they are now and not know when "normal" will come back around.

He's seeing a psychiatrist once a week and has group therapy once per week, so I have to remind myself he's trying. He's not the let's talk about it kind of guy. I have plenty to keep me busy but it doesn't stop the what if question. What if he becomes comfortable being a bachelor? I don't want to continue living like this, so I hope that doesn't happen.

Dakota it would still be considered cheating........You're still together. That's another confusing thing, but I choose to look at it as a different kind of separation. I don't even like saying it because people automatically think 0hhhh....you mean divorce. It would be nice to have a day without being hurt and angry. I hope I didn't vent to much on your post, I just thought it might help to know you're not alone.

Zipperhead, keep posting. I like to see the view from the other side.

 

[Army_Brat_88]

It's hard to remember the way things were a little more than a year ago and then know what they are now and not know when "normal" will come back around.

Sigh. I haven't seen it written yet, but I need to say it....

What scares me a lot is, depending on when the person came home - which we're all seeming to be around the same time frame - time keeps ticking on by. We're all at the 1/2 way point by now, right? Well, time is going to speed now with who knows how many of them needing to redeploy. OMG. It troubles me greatly, and I almost can't even write about it - what if they go back to "normal", and we only have a month - or even worse - no time at all because they *didn't*. Then we have to go through ANOTHER year or so? :confused::mad: I cross over between being worried and mad as hell.

Zipperhead, keep posting. I like to see the view from the other side.

:tup:

 

[dakoda]

Zipperhead....yes I need to ask him what his goal is? Right now I'm just trying to control my own emotions so I don't think that I can ask this yet. I'm not stable enough to hear the answer if it's not what I want to hear. But I'm working on this and I know I can't live like this forever.

Navy spouse....I totally get it!!! I really wish that I could get a hug before he leaves..... then I wouldn't be so friggin insecure! My hubby is out of the house....yes...but he seems to be reaching me just fine to hurt me :(

Army Brat....I know this is a possibility down the road for us....but right now he's here..... I get the fustration and worry, but with all that's going on in my life right now I can't even think about that. Last night I was in such a state it took me an hour just to be able to think straight and get supper for my kids. It is a concern for many right now.....and I hope that it's brought to light that they can't keep going back without dealing with the now!!!

My goal this week is to ignore him......not going to be easy, but I'm going to try. It's hard with the kids and finances, I have to communicate with him.....but I'm going to have my daughter answer the phone and hang up the phone so I don't have to engage with him. I'm going to email him today about the options we have for paying our joint bills. And then let thing be......as much as I don't want to I need a break from him!

We'll see if I'm strong enough to do it......