Struggling To Hold On.......

[AF Vet]

I just read this and cried... the only difference is the kids are mine, and we're not married... We've been together for three years this past month though... I'm so hopeful for you Dakoda... as maybe it will mean I have some hope.

 

[Navy Spouse]

I hope things get better Dakoda. I wish we could all support each other with more than words on the computer screen. It is very hard to take care of kids when you're so torn up inside. I don't know how old your girls are but even with mine at 6 and 11 its still hard. I find myself snapping at them on occasion just for saying "hey mom" because it interrupts my thoughts.

I find my self feeling resentful when the kids have one of those days where they fight with me and each other about everything and I know he's at his apartment in a quiet place where he doesn't have to deal with any of it. I know it's probably a good thing because his reaction probably wouldn't be good but in the moment it makes me angry because they're his kids too. Financial issues is another thing. I had us in a good place financially when he returned home but paying on two places has a way of changing that.

It's hard to go on with every day activities when the future seems so uncertain. I've had to make myself do something I enjoy each day. ( a craft I enjoy doing or a walk) Make time for you. Even if its after your girls go to bed at night. I've noticed I feel proud of myself when I've done something for me in the middle of all the uncertainty. If only I could completely block out all my thoughts while doing it! That might also give you something to talk about with your husband. I noticed my husband wants to hear what I've done and if I don't bring it up he will ask. He told me when he first moved out that I rely on him to much for my happiness. I didn't feel that I did. I've been alone for long periods of time so I know how to occupy myself. I did marry him because he made me happy but I guess that's to much to ask from him right now.

It's tough, I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster everyday. I can be at peace with things one moment and crying the next. All we can do is hold on and hope for the best. The worst part is having no control over the situation.
I wish the best for you, Take care