Struggling to maintain my progress

[hjpalm]

I had a total meltdown 3 years ago. Was having 20-30 major and minor panic attacks a day. It was a minute to minute struggle. I lost everything and started living with my sister and her family. I was pretty much a shut-in for aobut a year. I couldn't take not having anything to do but relive the crap, so I contacted the state rehab serv.
now, I have been in college the last year and a half. but, it's still everyday. I maintain. a front or whatever.
sometimes, I'll be out driving, and I will just want to go to a police station or a hospital and ask them to make it stop.
I talk to my therapist but, whatever. I just don't know.:wall:

 

[hjpalm]

I guess I should elaborate. When I was 18, I was attacked by a serial killer and tortured for 8 hours. He thought he had killed me but when he was dumping my body, I climbed out of the trunk. I asked God to make him take me to my car and he did. 6 months later I married, stayed that way for 20 years, he was mentally abusive.
I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD, BPD, Anxiety, and depression.
Earlier, what I was trying to get out is this: is it only ever going to be "maintaining"? I thank God that it isn't the minute to minute thing anymore. But, I want to hope for more.

 

[captrn1]

Hey hjpalm
I had a meltdown about 18 months ago......got better over a few months......But now the same stressors that pushed me over the edge are rearing their ugly faces again....Just trying to avoid another meltdown......exercising to release anger, recognising wanting to be alone all the time.....get out....anywhere....walk... try to avoid stressful situations........
sounds like you have a good connection with God......use it.
Take Care

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

hj, I had a meltdown in July and have been mostly unemployed since. I think maintaining doesn't have to be an everyday thing. There can be days that are worth reaching out, and you will start feeling better if you work at healing. There is hope!

Peace
Tammy