Struggling With Emotions

[Hydrotroop91]

So my T pointed out this past week that I always avoid the questions asking what my emotions are in regards to things in therapy throughout the CPT. I also do this in life too. I was raised to think that emotions are bad then the military helped me to learn to mask them on a much deeper level. Then after the Trauma I especially when numb to all feelings. She said I need to let go his dark mess so that I can feel better and have a better experience with positive emotions.

I am struggling to let them out because I am used to lumping them in one field and am feeling overwhelmed. I am unsure how to let them out and how to deal with them appropriately. I was able to identify some yesterday but not sure how to reach deeper then make them disappear. I would rather just build up the fort and be left alone and go about as robot because that is much easier but I know is bad.

So how do y'all let your feelings loose without going nuts or feeling overwhelmed or drown from the flood of them? I want to get better and know this needs to happen just not sure how to tap into it I am so used to denying the feelings, hiding them, and clumping them together.

 

[ghotiff]

I too am working on this in the background (not as specific direction from my T). What was helping me was a visual art diary. Ie drawing something that pulled at me at some emotional level, often just doodling shapes. I was going to do this most days, I should get back to it... the more stream of consciousness type drawing.

A mistake I made was using an A4 book. It's too large and I feel like a failure to not "fill" it. A6 is much better for me.

 

[Seasounds]

how to tap into it

• I learned to let go out feelings gradually, over 20 years. First, age16, I would go into the park, and sob, by myself. By 26, I could cry a little in front of my therapist. At age 28, I could finally sob, and yell, in front of 2nd therapist. Finally, in my mid-thirties, I could cry in front of friends.
• To start myself crying, I would ask myself to relax (lets feelings flow better) while I thought of something that I was sad about (past or present), or listen to a sad songs. I'd remind myself that I was good to let out my feelings, (i.e., kept giving myself permission.) at some point, the floodgates would open.
• With anger, I'd only yell in a blaming way (for exaggeration sake), if the person I was bad at, wasn't there. In person, I'm very committed to non-violent, accountable communication.

how do y'all let your feelings loose without going nuts or feeling overwhelmed or drown from the flood of them?

• Learning to temporarily shift, or turn down my emotional centers, until I needed to tend to emotions again, was a another set of skills to learn. Here are a few ways I found helpful::
• 1. I'd either shift my focus and get involved in a task that required my physical and emotional attention, or
• 2. I'd start adding multiples of 3, while talking aloud, until I stopped crying (math activates logic and sequential thinking, and diminishes emotional activity. (You can do this while staring at your boss, and they will never know.)
• 3. I would start making up, and verbally telling myself silly jokes. (The verbal part of the above coping skills is to activate the verbal center, which also diminishes the emotional activity in our brains.)
• 4. Giving myself time to shift, also helped.

 

[Hydrotroop91]

I doodle a lot in my class notes. I never thought to draw emotions from it. It usually is a nice numbing activity for me.

 

[ghotiff]

I think the difference is that when I doodle for emotions I sit in a safe place with absolutely no distractions.

I have always kept busy to avoid my emotions and sitting with myself eg meditation or doing nothing is too confronting for me. So I use doodling to take the edge off but it also allows me to sit with myself a bit.

 

[Hydrotroop91]

Okay makes sense. I do it in class when I am overwhelmed with the material. Or to keep me awake for the class.

 

[TonyG]

I cried my way through my story of trauma with my psychologist the first visit and revisited it again this week as hard as it was I think it has helped me, I have been in a numb state for the last week but on the up side or down side how ever you see it I have felt better

 

[Seasounds]

@ghotiff
@Hydrotroop91

I use doodling to take the edge off but it also allows me to sit with myself a bit.

I never thought to draw emotions from it.

From what my teachers taught me, this is the basis of a lot of beautiful and meaningful art.

@TonyG

how ever you see it I have felt better

I noticed this too, once I learned how to shift from the grief. Until I knew how to do that, crying made my grief worse.

 

[BlueOrange]

I find that the more I'm able to talk about my emotions, the less likely they are to take direct control of my behaviour. It often felt overwhelming, especially when I was learning how. Eventually I got better at feeling emotions and expressing them without being so overwhelmed. Once I could go in the shallow end of the pool without feeling like I was drowning, I started going deeper.