Struggling with porn

[frogthroat]

@somerandomguy I have only stopped watching porn for about 3 months. My T told me to completely stop. I watched disgusting shit that made me feel horrible. BDSM, femdom, fake incest, weird animated porn, and it was everything that had to do with my abuse. I relied on porn so much to get off I can't now. Somewhere I think I got porn mixed up with feelings of love and affection or something like that or at least being needed. I still get to where I want to watch porn and if it gets bad I put my phone in my room or shut it off.
I have trouble with violent obsessive images cycling through my head all the time and this hasn't been nearly as bad since I stopped porn cold turkey. I was constantly retraumatizing myself with porn. The things I watched are nothing I would want to do to someone I actually love. I think it was a form of self-punishment or something. Just be patient with yourself.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The things I watched are nothing I would want to do to someone I actually love. I think it was a form of self-punishment or something.

Ditto. For me it's a form or trauma recreation since it was a large part of all of my trauma. To make me feel like I'm back there again which I seek out heavily and then to punish myself afterwards for being a twisted f*ck.

incest,

A big part of it. Actually accidently found child porn this way. I reported it but it f*cked with me for a long time! My ability to browse the deep web makes this way worse as in the deep web there is actual child porn and things that I don't want to see and that will f*ck me up!