Struggling

[GenerousMoon]

Really struggling with my depression, anxiety, & the panic attacks are no joke. Some days panic attacks change into self harm. Having people think its not too serious. I dont like too much attention so I down play everything. Especially, with my suicidal ideation. Constantly have the shakes. My pcp is trying to get me back on med. Trying to see natural supplements will help( mg, zn, cal, d3, fish oil). More isolated, now im down just talking to my daughter. Keep my phone on silent. Just need a vacation from myself. . Do not have anymore time to take off due to my migraines. New time starts jan , so im stuck until then. drowning feeling is uncontrollable.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Really struggling with my depression, anxiety, & the panick attacks are no joke. Having people thi...

@GenerousMoon I too am greatly struggling with depression, and anxiety is choking me; the out of nowhere fear - paralyzing fear and panic are truly not a joke; real time difficult stuff can't escape from it. Choking me and making me feel so alone, so very alone. Thank you for your post. As I cannot get anyone on live feed at this moment to acknowledge that I am on live feed; hurts. Feels like rejection; and already feeling like I just don't fit anywhere, in anyone's life at moment. All I can do is hold on; suspended previous emdr session due to extreme anxiety issues; will resume next week. So painful = emdr to recount then try to numb brain. Brain lies tells me to just leave; no, I won't. I will not succumb to this. No. I will read posts; @GenerousMoon - thank you for helping me in ways I cannot explain; I simply know from your post here, that I am not alone in my isolation, paralying fear of ?; and retreatment from world currently; thank you. @JadesJewel

 

[Nevermore]

Oh I'm there too right now , @GenerousMoon. Phone off, full retreatment. It is ironic, I akwSys think, at times like these I need people more than ever and that in itself increases the fear and the need to isolate. Historically this feeling of high neediness has not led to anything good with other people.
I know it will pass eventually.
I keep looking at the sky and thinking yes, it's just clouds obscuring the sky as they say, but the sky is always there. I have to be patient.
I'm much better than I was. It's not constant, not even 50% of the time any more, but I do get frustrated as I remember how it was to be able to live freely without all this thinking and care taking of myself. ):
Self harm of course doesn't help, but I still go there too. Mainly drinking for me.
This illness is a big teacher of patience and acceptance!! What else can we do..,,

 

[GenerousMoon]

@GenerousMoon I too am greatly struggling with depression, and anxiety is choking...

@JadesJewel its getting harder to deal with the depression, anxiety, & instrusive thoughts. its crazy that my life would end up like this, alone. thank you for responding. You also has helped with your words of wisdom. I have been pushing so hard to be "normal" its back firing.

 

[GenerousMoon]

Oh I'm there too right now , @GenerousMoon. Phone off, full retreatment. It is i...

@Nevermore thank you for your response. yes, I agree you need a great deal of patience to live like this. I never had a before because have been abused since birth. I have always had anxiety, depression, etc as long as I can remember. This is just another chapter of my life. The emotional numbness is a long road that travels to infinity. at least most folks can remember being "normal" This is my normal.