emodeadpool13
New Here
I'm new here. I don't quite know what to say or do... I guess I just needed somewhere to reach out.
I was sexually abused for two and a half years by a guy around my age. It started off as a relationship. I was twelve. It didn't take him long to start cheating because I wouldn't screw him. He was manipulative. He started touching me without consent. He'd beat me if I resisted. He talked shit about me and told me I was terrible at everything he forced me to do. He threatened suicide if I didn't go to his house. I met my fiance through what he did... we were both abused together in the last 6 months of it. He used my fiance against me, asking me why I couldn't be as good as him. We're both traumatized.
My fiance however got help sooner, and is coping better. For whatever reason, my condition is worse. I have mood swings and then get wholly depressed. My fiance feels bad when he is sexual and I'm not. He's recently told me we're putting a hold on those things and my ptsd is making me feel like shit because I can't do what he wants.
I've been living with my grandmother for two weeks as my parents live in the town the abuse happened in. My mother wants to pick me up Saturday just because my grandma is going out and she doesn't want me around my aunt. I'm not ready to go back there. I've just started to calm.
On top of everything I'm trying to start a business and finish high school with good grades.
I can't find the energy to do anything. I cry when my fiance says he'll stop doing something because I feel like I upset him. I'm sick of not being able to live my life. My medication is not working. I'm ready to go. I don't want to suffer anymore. I want to be heard and I want someone to convince me I'm okay I guess but at the same time I'm sick of living like this.
I was sexually abused for two and a half years by a guy around my age. It started off as a relationship. I was twelve. It didn't take him long to start cheating because I wouldn't screw him. He was manipulative. He started touching me without consent. He'd beat me if I resisted. He talked shit about me and told me I was terrible at everything he forced me to do. He threatened suicide if I didn't go to his house. I met my fiance through what he did... we were both abused together in the last 6 months of it. He used my fiance against me, asking me why I couldn't be as good as him. We're both traumatized.
My fiance however got help sooner, and is coping better. For whatever reason, my condition is worse. I have mood swings and then get wholly depressed. My fiance feels bad when he is sexual and I'm not. He's recently told me we're putting a hold on those things and my ptsd is making me feel like shit because I can't do what he wants.
I've been living with my grandmother for two weeks as my parents live in the town the abuse happened in. My mother wants to pick me up Saturday just because my grandma is going out and she doesn't want me around my aunt. I'm not ready to go back there. I've just started to calm.
On top of everything I'm trying to start a business and finish high school with good grades.
I can't find the energy to do anything. I cry when my fiance says he'll stop doing something because I feel like I upset him. I'm sick of not being able to live my life. My medication is not working. I'm ready to go. I don't want to suffer anymore. I want to be heard and I want someone to convince me I'm okay I guess but at the same time I'm sick of living like this.
