Subconscious Trigger?

[PeppermintDuchess]

I hope this is in the right place.

I'm not sure if this makes sense. Long story short, I lived together with my ex-boyfriend in my parents apartment, while they lived in another state. This boyfriend was emotionally and sexually abusive, and much of this abuse occurred on the couch and in his bed, mostly in the living room. I'm sure with all my other trauma, he was the catalyst for my un-diagnosed ptsd.

I'm pretty good in class and in other environments *except for my campus, where my abuser still roams*, but also, my own home. My sensory flashbacks are triggered here, mostly on the couch or in any bed. My anger and outbursts are also triggered here, screaming and crying is probably some behavior I learned in childhood that I thought would somehow save me but, it's really taking a toll on my home life.

Outbursts are triggered when I'm told what to do, the silent treatment, to hurry up or occasionally when I'm told stuff is missing *Example: my ex took back my anniversary necklace and pretended I lost it, he would tell me to "go find it" and I would become hysterical, searching frantically, while he watched on almost in joy*, basically stuff he used to do.

So basically what I'm asking, is while I find home a safe spot and I don't find my house "consciously" triggering, is it possible that this is place is subconsciously triggering things?

Is this a silly idea?

 

[Venusian]

It is not a silly idea. Even if you consciously accept that something is a trigger it can still impact your life. All the little cues that were there when the abuse happened are still there and if the trauma was sustained over a period of time, which it sounds like yours was, they can be even stronger. Your brain sees the cue and triggers a response.

I have had these triggers in the past and didn't know what it was until the memory resurfaced. Some of them, once I knew the association, no longer triggered anything but others are still bad. I find that writing about them can be a good way to lessen their impact. Moving things around, rearranging the furniture may be a way that you can try and break the connection. Put a throw over the couch to make it a different colour may also be a good thing.

I am glad that you feel safe in your home, there are ways to ease the anxiety that the things inside can trigger. I hope you find some answers.