Sudden Rage

[Viosinger]

So lately I've had a pretty (I think) new symptom. I know the book I'm reading addresses it a bit, though I need to probably do more reading... but I've had days or moments lately where I am just suddenly full of rage. It's so difficult. Especially since I teach. Moments where my students don't understand a concept or can't get something can make me so angry (I do my very very best to not let it show. I demonstrate more, breathe, give them a moment to work on it).

Any recommendations? I'm not sure where the hell it's coming from. I'm finishing my first year of therapy... I'll try to remember to bring it up on Friday.

 

[WillyKat]

I understand that completely. People not understanding me drives me mad and I can barely contain the anger.

I traced it back to not being "heard" back at age six. Despite obvious signs that something was wrong with me, that I was terrified of something, no one put much effort into figuring it out. So I wasn't heard. Even now, when people don't understand me (and sometimes it seems their playing dumb), it gets me going.

I've spent a lot of therapy time dealing with anger and rage over the past year. About a year ago, I had a real breakthrough. I had been excusing those that didn't "hear" me on the grounds that it was the 1960s in a rural backwater. My family and school system just wasn't educated enough, blah, blah. Well all that's true, but it didn't deal with the hurt and sense of abandonment a little kid has. My therapist asked me if I wasn't giving them a bye, a free pass, not holding them accountable. Wham! I understood. As an adult with a lot of education, I could excuse them. But the little kid still inside just felt hurt, abandoned, and angry.

I hope that helps.

 

[franciemarnie]

It helps me to work out every day. It gets rid of a build up of stress hormones.

So often we with PTSD have high cortisol and adrenalin living their merry little lives from back in the day but flooding us in the here and now. Workouts change chemistry and discharge energy so that when frustration builds - say with the kids - and your stress cup is suddenly overflowing, your proactive work in exercise can ameliorate the situation.

If I feel a flood of rage suddenly though - I will step out of the room wherever I am for a minute, and breathe into my stomach - focus on the inhale there versus the chest. Take a time out. Let the rage dissipate.

 

[WillyKat]

It helps too to not expect to turn it off as if there is a switch. Baby steps in the right direction, one after the other.

 

[yoshixvx]

I'm with @franciemarnie, I hit the gym as often as possible and it really helps. Prior to that I would just boil over when triggered (usually by injustice), and as an activist.. well.. it didn't make for very effective activism.

I've learned to also sit with my emotions, not to reject them or engage them, but to just listen. It's not about getting rid of the anger - because that is unrealistic - but to deal with it mindfully so that it does not make your life worse. A great book that teaches this skill is "When things fall apart" by Pema Chodron.

 

[Viosinger]

Big thanks to all of you. :-) I had wondered if some Muay Thai would help, but after the last big flare-up on Tuesday, I've been exhausted. I'll try to make myself get up & work out first thing in the morning.

And glad it's not just me. Today I had a moment of anger... But it was much smaller, more fleeting.

 

[franciemarnie]

I love what @yoshixvx said - it's not about getting rid of the anger. We are human and cannot help but have human emotions and human responses.

Anger is important. It can tell me many things - like when something is not right, maybe someone is being abusive towards me, maybe there is injustice.

But because of PTSD and how it effects our chemistry, we have to be more mindful than the average joe. If we get mad, it's only a feeling. We have a choice if we want to act on it or not. And it will go away eventually, although I know it is uncomfortable.

If I am not mindful, don't have situational awareness, am tired, exhausted, stressed, it's easy to blow. But it is a choice. We may only have a millisecond to decide, but we can always walk away until it subsides to less dangerous levels.

 

[Anna]

Sometimes I feel a sudden bout of anger and just want to scream. I try to get away from people when I feel like this and go into an empty place and literally.... scream. It is a horrible feeling and I scare myself. It feels like I am about to explode.

I work out every day to get rid of it, or go for a brisk walk alone. I avoid people if I am like this.

 

[holdenmonty]

I can relate to a lot of stuff said. I feel rage when I feel as though I have been disrespected in someway. Like this morning there was a stupid small thing but it made my anger jump from a zero to a 10 and I wanted to punch this guy that I work with in the face. Luckily I have a lot of self control and tell myself that I would get into trouble and talk myself down but I still feel lots of rage. I think it's how I am a stuffer instead of lashing out I just stuff which I know isn't healthy. Luckily I have half an hour until lunch and then I can escape then to go for a walk.

 

[SnowJo]

Yes rage . The volcano in my head doesn't happen anymore. Now I get very angry and I can get stuck there for a while, and it paints my world a different tone, but it's my reaction to feeling invisible, unloved, persecuted, threatened, all old stuff. Today its about recognizing that I have been triggered, then taking a moment (or however long I need) to soothe myself and re-find my balance. Sadly it's a long journey for me and it means I have to avoid a lot of situations and I spend alot time wanting to be alone mostly just to figure out what I am feeling, then to re-parent myself with love and compassion. .. being my own best friend. I had to express a tonne of rage towards my family that abused me (in therapy and writing to process much of the trauma) and then deal with my hurt, loss and sadness, plus my loss of sense of self and we'll being. But I tell myself I am strong, I am worth it, I am on my side now, I will listen, I care. It really helps me.
Then lastly meditation in nature also helps me.