Suffered In Silence, Time To Speak Out

[Marchesa]

Hi KP,

Thank you, and I do not take your comments as a lecture, more good advice. Hugs, are very welcome and accepted, in need of some today, and great to know there are some other Brits here.

I was finally making progress with a referral and assessment by a psychiatrist which is how I gained the diagnosis but I feel back in the dark ages again now that I have moved - it is starting at square one again in many ways. However the psychiatrist I was seeing remains supportive and is doing all she can to persuade my GP to refer me and I have the inkling he is beginning to listen to me.

Every day does seem like an uphill struggle at the moment, the stress is in the stratosphere not helped that most of the time I feel no one understands.

I am fighting to have my condition recognized as I failed the ESA assessment because I acted 'normal' and have to go to tribunal, just more stress. I am not looking to scrounge, I have worked all my life and continued to manage through three years since my trauma (or 'breakdown') but his past year everything got on top of me and I made some major errors of judgment which have set me back substantially. I feel bad enough making the application but to be knocked back has left me floundering. Needless to say it exacerbates the condition especially as talking about it is one of my problems, I have spent over four years trying to forget!

But facing it is best I know, I will in time and with the help of a good therapist. To some extent I like my querks and the person I have become but I do so want to be well, think straight, loose the anxiety and cope with life - every day, not just some of the time.

Dania x

 

[KP the nut]

Dania, it takes a long time. It is not easy. One thing I would say, I'm not a professional or anything but take it in tiny steps. Try and set small aims, and some days, getting out of bed is an achievement, I aim for a shower and dress. At times that was beyond me but I have the belief that I will take control of my life.

I've had a good few days and I'm hoping they will continue. If you ever want to chat, see if I'm online and let me know.

Take care
KP

 

[Marchesa]

Hi KP,

Thank you!

I understand totally what you say and left to my own devices I am just the same, a few good days feel like a breakthrough, a new beginning, and then slam, the brick wall reappears: the stress takes over; nerves get frazzled, thoughts are white noise, confidence plummets and the body screams with aches.

But I do not think I am depressed, I am over loaded with stress and somewhat battered emotionally - all with good reason after all that has happened.

I am now with family who know there is something wrong and were wonderful enough to take me in for that reason but do not understand. So I am encouraged and expected to be up and about every day, it's hard but it is a way of taking control although some days are very difficult. That said, I have dragged myself to the gym 3-4 times a week since my trauma - never before - and it is one of the querks I really like. It helps my head more than anything it does for the body and although never quite solving the problem it gives me some peace, perspective and just a little sense of relaxation which I otherwise cannot achieve.I guess there is also a sense of control.

You have hit the nail on the head, I had never thought of it like that before, I have lost control... but I am working on developing a routine to attend to the stress inducing 'stuff' which is so difficult for me as I am simply a spent force after years of fighting. So I give myself a carrot, if I do X hours of the stress I get time off designed to relax and block out the stress, the gym as I say is great as too much unfamiliarity is not my thing as yet (the panic attacks) and I have recently moved so know almost no one!

Will be great to chat soon and thank you for the offer.

Dania x

 

[You can get through it]

A burden shared

My life’s memories once so familiar have paled into obscurity only to be replaced by inflicted torment which is now confined to the lonely spaces within my mind.

No one is able to feel the pain of my journey, therefore if I do not speak out who will help carry my burden, for this burden is heavy and my road is long, so give me the understanding of kindred souls who may help to spur me on, thus show me I need not suffer my silent torment all alone.

Steve

 

[Marchesa]

Hi Steve,

Wow, thank you.

Your words offer true insight. Beautiful and something I shall come back to often I suspect.

Dania x

 

[anthony]

No requirement to quote post that you are directly responding to the entire post above. Quote deleted, further issues, the entire post will be deleted.

 

[Marchesa]

Oops, apologies, still finding my way around.... no more quoting.

 

[anthony]

Not an issue, just highlighting. If people quoted entire posts when they are responding to the content / user directly all the time, you could quickly imagine how unreadable conversations quickly become. The traumatic brain does not deal with this all that well, which detracts from people learning and responding.

 

[Powder]

Welcome, Dania! I know you will find just the support you need if you keep checking back here often. Once you have been diagnosed with PTSD, Anthony points out elsewhere on this site that depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and other diagnoses are redundant, or, already covered under the PTSD diagnosis. PTSD is the all-encompassing furthest trend under Anxiety Disorders; therefore, it is not only incorrect to also throw in other Anxiety Disorders at someone with PTSD, it is often in order to justify prescription of medications. While medication is proven a helpful tool for those with underlying depression, it does little more than mask certain symptoms for others. It doesn't cure PTSD.