General Sufferer Self Injury Prevention

[nlk]

How do other carers say things that are important and your PTSD sufferer needs to hear what you have to say without worrying about the sufferer during self injury?

Do you just not say anything and hope they will figure it out on their own?

Do you go ahead & say what needs to be said & hope that they will not react how you KNOW they will react?

Thanks for any input.

 

[Nicolette]

I think if you feel like you need to say something which is important then you should say it. What is important is the timing (not saying it while the sufferer is having a really bad day) and the tact (how you say it).

When dealing with PTSD you do have to learn to let the little things go as its not worth it....if you read past posts you will see that sufferers themselves suggest you 'pick your battles', 'don't sweat the small stuff' and try dropping hints and letting them sit with it for awhile rather than going head on in about an issue.

If you have concern for self injury it then sounds like your sufferer is not in a good place before you have even had a chance to say something. Do they have a therapist that you can approach?

Remember however, while we all want to protect our sufferers you cannot hold yourself responsible for their actions.

 

[nlk]

I have tried timing things when I believe her to be having a good day & then it just sends her spiraling downwards. And I make sure what I say is 'tactful' without being too ambiguous.

I definitely pick my 'battles', there are so many things that I want to say but withhold due to I know it will be misinterpreted no matter how it is phrased. And yes the hint program works too as I have used it.

But I hate hurting her more than what she is already going through and sometimes I know something I'm going to say will hurt & can prepare her, but other times I don't know what will be triggered.

The concern for self injury is after what has been said not before as that is when she can spiral downward.

And yes, I am planning on going with her to her therapist this week. I have asked before when I went with her & her therapist has advised to just tell her or ask & see what she wants to hear anything.

Your last statement:

Remember however, while we all want to protect our sufferers you cannot hold yourself responsible for their actions.

is really hard to work with especially when you know how she will react.

Thanks, Nicolette, for reaffirming what I believed.

 

[mbaldwin]

I let him know what I am feeling, but i do choose when and how. If i can't let him know then there is nothing!!

I have posed the question to him "what if 'i'm having a trying time, what can I say, and what can't I say to you?"

But, my fear used to be if I say how I'm feeling, he will just blow me off, ignore me, or say forget it, but i can't do that anymore, because I found myself building a wall between him and I, things got worse, not better. No more fear, just say what I feel.

 

[nlk]

No more fear, just say what I feel.

I want to be at this point in our friendship again. We used to talk about all kinds of things, we are so close & can finish each other's thoughts and have the same opinions about issues, etc etc.

I have asked her many times, how do I know what I say will not spiral you down and she doesn't have a response. And I do not want her making false promises.

Until she can deal, we will not be where we were before or any where close to it anytime soon.

 

[Cowgirl]

People's availability for friendship or any sort of relationship can vary over the course of their lives. Due to her PTSD, your friend is not presently able to be the friend she used to be. Because you and your friend were so close, it is good that you continue to be a supportive friend. But there are definitely limits in what you can do for your friend, and how you can help. There may be many things you would like to tell her, about self-defeating behaviors, etc. But until she is ready to hear them without spiraling downward into depression and self-injury, ... well, she is not ready to hear them yet.

I think it may be a very good thing for you to meet with her therapist, to give the therapist a "real world" view of her behavior. The therapist can keep that in mind while picking areas to work on next.