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Relationship Sufferer Sending Confusing Mixed Messages

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caligirl03

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My combat PTSD sufferer and I broke up a couple months ago after a 3.5 year relationship and went NC for a full month before he finally broke the silence and reached out. Prior to ever dating, we were good friends for 15 years who grew up together. Since his first communication, we've been very minimally texting solely surface level things consisting of jokes, YouTube videos, etc. with several days of radio silence in between. With the exception of the first text, I initiated each time. And while he always replied promptly and positively, I did notice it was always me reaching out and so decided to back off.

However, over the weekend, he randomly texted to say he'd been thinking of me that day and hoped I was well. I responded with "you too" and a heart, attempting to let him know I still care and am here for him yet simultaneously not wanting to open up an entire conversation either. That same night, he asked if I wanted to grab dinner. It was last minute so I couldn't go but did say that I'd be open to it sometime in the future.

Then yesterday I *almost* fell prey to a very convincing tax scam (awful, yet a whole different story) and sent out a message to my friends warning them about it, including my ex. A few hours later he called me (!) ostensibly to ask more about it while also poking fun at me for being so gullible. We spoke for the first time in months, and he caught me up on what he's been up to, including getting a job, which traditionally works wonders for his self-esteem. He's also going to be running a mini marathon in a couple weekends and asked if I'd like to join (hard pass!). He told me he feels like he's in a much better place than he was a few months ago, or even a few weeks ago, and I definitely got that sense even just by the tone of his voice.

Anyway, I kept the convo intentionally "brief" (half an hour) before saying I had to go. He finished by thanking me for letting him know about the scam and said "good looking out bro". I think he also called me "man" at some point. I get that we've been friends forever, and some of this is simply a symptom of being products of our environment (California vernacular), but he seemed to be doing it intentionally. We had a long and intense romantic history a matter of months ago. Should I believe based on everything that he's truly only interested in friendship and nothing more, or could he possibly by trying to keep his defenses up while attempting to get his life in order?
 
Glad to hear he is doing so well and that you are being so aware of everything! Maybe asking him a d...

Yes, I've pondered that but not sure I'm ready or even wanting to open that can of worms! At this point I'm just glad we're even talking.

Was it a mutual breakup? Or did one of you choose to break up with the other?

I broke up with him.
 
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I am familliar with California vernacular, and I would be reluctant to read too much into him using "bro" or "man." Some in CA will refer to a group of girls as "hey guys..." and it could be in line with that kind of loose phrasing.

Speaking from a sufferer perspective, if someone broke up with me, but then started initiating contact with me, I'd probably respond too, but in a way where I really focused on being friends, even if I wanted something more. I'd do it out of respect for the other person, making it clear that by breaking up with me, that they didn't want to date me.

It could be that he wants something more. It could be that he doesn't. Hard to even guess.

He does seem clear that he wants to spend time with you. If you are not ready to ask what type of relationship he wants, I'd suggest focusing on what he is saying, instead of trying to read between the lines. Avoid assuming he is implying more than he says, but also don't ignore what he is saying.
 
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@caligirl03

Just want to bring it back to base as to why you split up, you set a boundary that you couldn't be with him until he seeked help if I remember rightly? I think this is more about what you're wanting from him, are you looking to be friends or more? If it develops into anything more you have to remember that boundary but until then I agree with @tiredtexan ... just go with the flow :)
 
Omg your story is similar to mine! My Combat Vet just broke up with me, almost two year relationship with 11 years of friendship. The break up just happened last week, while a month ago he was talking to my aunt about proposing to me... now he is gone. I am hoping he starts to miss me, but I am worried he is going to enlist again because of what is going on with the world.
 
If he is reaching out to you, he definitely misses you. I think you are doing all the right things by keeping a wall. But I know it's a secret type of hell to be in love with someone who becomes cold and then treats you like a friend. Let him get clear on what he wants. My combat vet and I have been texting but it's me who initiates it. He responds with generic sayings. It's like he had a lobotomy. I am sinking today actually after one of his generic responses. I asked him point blank if my writing him annoys him and if he doesn't love me. He just wrote, Hope you had a great vacation! I was sending him photos from recent trip -- cool ones of art since he is an artist.
 
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