General Sufferer so weird around holidays

[DharmaGirl]

I know my anxiety keeps me from going places. I don't even realize (or haven't in the past) that it's the reason why I come up with all the excuses. A friend once said to me 35 years ago that I always said no, but had a good time when I went. I didn't have a good time mostly, I was pretending.

 

[Sweetpea76]

What do you say to people who ask where he is?

They eventually stop asking where he is. I just tell new people that he’s anti-social. They’ll stop inviting him or expecting him… sometimes you too.

You get used to it. Have your own social circle. I have friends to do stuff with when he doesn’t want to. I will say it sucks to do stuff with a bunch of couples and be the spare chick in the group. Those are the hardest times for me.

 

[CatalystB75]

They eventually stop asking where he is. I just tell new people that he’s anti-social. They’ll stop inviting him or expecting him… sometimes you too.

You get used to it. Have your own social circle. I have friends to do stuff with when he doesn’t want to. I will say it sucks to do stuff with a bunch of couples and be the spare chick in the group. Those are the hardest times for me.

I've experienced progress.... Very reasonable to have hope ..
I'm currently getting myself back out into the world.... It can happen.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Hope is one thing. False expectations for supporters is another.

This is the supporter section. One of the first things we have to accept as supporters is that “it is what it is.” Our sufferers may never get “better”. They may get worse. We have to understand if the relationship is one we can be healthy and happy in. Our eyes have to be open.

We can’t love them better, and sitting around waiting for them to get better just leads to heartbreak. Leave that fairytale stuff up to Disney.

You have to be happy in the now, the way it is. That doesn’t mean you can’t be sad sometimes, or hurt, or frustrated.

 

[CatalystB75]

Hope is one thing. False expectations for supporters is another.

This is the supporter section. One of the first things we have to accept as supporters is that “it is what it is.” Our sufferers may never get “better”. They may get worse. We have to understand if the relationship is one we can be healthy and happy in. Our eyes have to be open.

We can’t love them better, and sitting around waiting for them to get better just leads to heartbreak. Leave that fairytale stuff up to Disney.

You have to be happy in the now, the way it is. That doesn’t mean you can’t be sad sometimes, or hurt, or frustrated.

Totally agree..each situation different... Like the Disney reference..
I think I'm a "realist"... Correct me.....

 

[Sweetpea76]

I think I'm a "realist"... Correct me.....

Correct you about what? That there is possibility for improvement?

Sure. There’s the possibility. Anything is possible. It’s not guaranteed though.

What I am saying is that this is a supporter thread in a supporter section. We have to have a different perspective. New supporters tend to cling to the false hope that their sufferers will get better and all their relationship problems will go away. This is a place to talk that out.

 

[CatalystB75]

you about what? That there is possibility for improvement?

Sure. There’s the possibility. Anything is possible. It’s not guaranteed though.

What I am saying is that this is a supporter thread in a supporter section. We have to have a different perspective. New supporters tend to cling to the false hope that their sufferers will get better and all their relationship problems will go away. This is a place to talk that out.

Agreed... I'm here ta hear ya,,,,,. (correct me if I don't seem like a realist)
I try to consider any reasonable perspective.. I support the entire debate/vent/counsel etc.... Entirely...

Here and now, support for both parties.... hope I'm not in the wrong place for that.
Realizing, nothing in life guaranteed...first and foremost.
I'm at times, both sufferer and supporter....

I've cut many ropes in my life.. toxic people, etc.....some of us will get better, some not really..... There's also, some ebb n flow to life... Empathy.

All comments are supportive....

Also. Apologies if I've said the wrong thing.

 

[Sweetpea76]

There is no wrong side. This particular part of the forum is for supporters, but we welcome posts from sufferers. The sufferers have to realize a few things when posting here though. The first is that it isn’t about sufferer feelings here. The whole rest of the forum is for that. The second is that they may not like the responses they get here.

Announcement - Sufferers: You MUST read this thread, prior to posting

This is the Supporter's area of the Forum. MyPTSD has created this area to allow Supporters the space to talk freely with each other about the questions and problems they experience, from their perspective. Sufferer insight can be useful, here - but it can also derail the conversation by...

www.myptsd.com

 

[CatalystB75]

There is no wrong side. This particular part of the forum is for supporters, but we welcome posts from sufferers. The sufferers have to realize a few things when posting here though. The first is that it isn’t about sufferer feelings here. The whole rest of the forum is for that. The second is that they may not like the responses they get here.

Announcement - Sufferers: You MUST read this thread, prior to posting

This is the Supporter's area of the Forum. MyPTSD has created this area to allow Supporters the space to talk freely with each other about the questions and problems they experience, from their perspective. Sufferer insight can be useful, here - but it can also derail the conversation by...

www.myptsd.com

Ok. Stay positive.

 

[LuckiLee]

My guy cancels all the time when he is symptomatic.

When we first started dating he went everywhere with me. Looking back he must have been really struggling to keep up with me in those early days. He hid everything from everyone for decades.

The holidays are especially difficult for many reasons such as grief, survivors guilt or trauma anniversaries.

He's canceled while we were walking out of the house before. He's canceled because of migraines, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation or exhaustion....

At first I didn't understand and took it personally. Now, I can see it coming. I know before he does sometimes. There are just some things he can't do when he is symptomatic.

What do I tell people when he isn't with me? It depends who it is. I stick to the truth with family and friends that are family. Depression. Migraine. Hasn't slept all week or I just say he's having a hard time right now. They know he's a combat veteran with ptsd and most of them understand. In the beginning I would come up with a lie that always suggested he was fine and somewhere having fun. lol. He's fishing with his brother or on a road trip with him. Now, I give the truth in simple terms. "He's struggling".

I used to stay with him when he was in ptsd mode. I do my own thing or the things I love to do but he can't because of.... ptsd.

 

[Freida]

Now, I can see it coming. I know before he does sometimes

Yep - hubby can see it coming too. It think that's why some people can make it as LTS and others can't. They have the ability to see what's really happening and they know it has nothing to do with them - even when it personally affects them.