Sufferer Suffering from grief/trauma/ptsd

[Scotian]

Hello All,

I don’t know to really start, let’s just say I’ve had a year from hell, starting from the most recent: I had to abandon the ship I was working on when it suffered a stress fracture and almost sunk, lost my mother in March, lost my dog last November and my house almost got burnt down by a wildfire last June. Quite honestly I don’t know how much more I can take, I wake up at 3 am every night in cold sweats, occasionally have suicidal thoughts, flashbacks during the weirdest of times. I’ve just started to go back out into the world and attending CrossFit classes again after almost 3 months. Some days i feel like the world is closing in or I’m just checked out especially at work, I just came back from a month at sea, had some flashbacks while I was out there but nothing major, but depression hit me hard and felt like hypothetically jumping overboard a few times. I can’t stop working on ships at the moment because of money.

I just don’t know how I can live sustainably with all this mental warfare in my head.

 

[Riley Jones]

Hello,

I want to acknowledge the tremendous amount of adversity and loss you have experienced over the past year. It sounds like you have been through an overwhelming amount of trauma, and it is completely understandable that you are struggling with your mental health as a result. The symptoms you are describing, such as waking up in cold sweats, having flashbacks, and feeling suicidal at times, are common experiences for individuals who have gone through traumatic events.

I want you to know that you are not alone in this. Many individuals on this forum have faced similar challenges and can understand what you are going through. Sharing your experiences and connecting with others who have been through similar situations can be a powerful way to feel supported and less alone in your journey towards healing.

I encourage you to consider reaching out for professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma. They can provide you with tools and strategies to cope with your symptoms and work through your past experiences in a safe and supportive environment.

Additionally, I want to let you know that on myptsd.com, there are specific forums dedicated to different topics related to PTSD and Complex PTSD (CPTSD), where you can find support, guidance, and understanding from others who have been on a similar path. Feel free to explore these forums and start connecting with others who may be able to offer you valuable insights and empathy.

Remember, healing from trauma is a journey, and it is okay to seek help and take the necessary steps to prioritize your mental health and well-being. You deserve to live a life free from the mental warfare you are experiencing.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum - sorry for your losses. That’s a lot of loss one year.

Fwiw, crossfit is an awesome choice!!

Hope the community here can help with some inspiration for other recovery options.

 

[Friday]

Aloha!

Are you working with a trauma therapist? Dx’d with PTSD?

 

[arfie]

hello scotian. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here. i call those stretches of one catastrophe after another, "domestic storm seasons." my own domestic storm seasons don't seem to have clear beginnings nor ends. reading through your post, i realized that my most recent domestic storm season seems to have passed, butttttttaaaaaa. . . i'm knocking wood and every other stuperstitious gesticulation i can think of as i write that for fear of bringing in another storm.

I just don’t know how I can live sustainably with all this mental warfare in my head.

i don't believe i can. safe places to vent and sort that mental warfare are my lifeline during domestic storm seasons. this very forum is one of the safe places i have found to do that venting and sorting. i hope it serves you as well as it has served me.

welcome aboard. i hope you find stabilizing companionship here.

 

[Scotian]

hello scotian. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here. i call those stretches of one catastrophe after another, "domestic storm seasons." my own domestic storm seasons don't seem to have clear beginnings nor ends. reading through your post, i realized that my most recent domestic storm season seems to have passed, butttttttaaaaaa. . . i'm knocking wood and every other stuperstitious gesticulation i can think of as i write that for fear of bringing in another storm.

i don't believe i can. safe places to vent and sort that mental warfare are my lifeline during domestic storm seasons. this very forum is one of the safe places i have found to do that venting and sorting. i hope it serves you as well as it has served me.

welcome aboard. i hope you find stabilizing companionship here.

Thanks so much for the reply “domestic storm season” is a great way to put it. It’s damn brutal, I’ve never really “checked out” before on a ship until now. I just really wasn’t feeling it. I’m finding music and the gym is really my own relief, makes me forget just for little bit, even now as I am writing this I am getting a “small feedback loop from hell” I feel gutting with not a lot of motivation

 

[Scotian]

Aloha!

Are you working with a trauma therapist? Dx’d with PTSD?

Yes I have spoke with a trauma therapist a few months back, but my insurance ran out and being temporarily unemployed from the accident up until last month, I wasn’t financially there to afford counseling, we do have an EAP program through work but if I talk with them I would have workman’s comp involved which I really don’t want to go that route at this moment

 

[arfie]

I’m finding music and the gym is really my own relief, makes me forget just for little bit

might i suggest a slight shift in focus?
i use both vigorous workouts and playing musical instruments (including voice) as "channeling" tools. the goal is not the forgettance which is guaranteed to leak out again as those feedback loops from hell. the goal is to channel the emotions attached so that the memories no longer have power over my daily life. the memories remain ugly as sin, but i can more often walk past the reminders/triggers without losing my place in the here and now.

just a suggestion. . . it works for me when i work it.

steadying support while you find what works for you.

 

[Muttly]

Welcome to the forum. I know how hard it can be when life piles on stressor upon stressor. For me, when that happens, I have to narrow my focus to the now. How can I make things better for now. Eventually that leads to building the sustainability to keep going. I am probably saying that poorly.