Relationship Not sure how to proceed with my ex suffering from trauma.

[southwest]

So I've posted this past winter about my ex girlfriend becoming triggered around me due to her past abusive relationship and other past SA. We talked about it and she didn't blame me for anything she was struggling with her trauma and realizing that she could have complex trauma. We tried to continue to work on things but she kept pulling away. I continued to try and show her support, love and give her the space she asked for. I would check in with her by text every couple of weeks. We would see each other every few weeks. We also stopped having sex for that time since it was triggering her.

Around Christmas she ended the relationship saying she wasn't sure if she could heal and find herself while being in a relationship. However she didn't want to lose me either. We have slowed our communication down to maybe once a month with some sporadic in person meet ups for lunch.

I try to keep those meet up light and just chat with her and ask how she is doing. However she does bring up that she is not dating and not ready to date. I'm would definitely like to try again on our relationship but I'm not trying to push that on her.

One part of me wants to ask if she could ever see a future with me again, but I don't want to pressure her by that question right now. I'm not sure how to proceed in this.

Would the best thing be to let her come back to me if she wants to try again.

 

[Sweetpea76]

If she says she’s not ready to date I’d take her word for it.

 

[arfie]

i would take it a step further than letting her come back to you. i would make her EARN her way back to you and maybe even add in a story or two about how you are not willing to put your life on hold while you wait. full compassion for your plight, sweetheart, but i have a life of my own to live.

as a sufferer, i believe that recovery is far too challenging to tackle with half-hearted participation.

 

[southwest]

If she says she’s not ready to date I’d take her word for it.

That's what I am doing. I'm trying just to move on and keeling the door open to her I'd she wants to come back.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Don’t worry so hard about that door that you can’t actually move on.

 

[southwest]

Don’t worry so hard about that door that you can’t actually move on.

It's definitely been hard to move on not just because of that but she does try to keep a small connection open with me through social media.

 

[Liljulz67]

So I've posted this past winter about my ex girlfriend becoming triggered around me due to her past abusive relationship and other past SA. We talked about it and she didn't blame me for anything she was struggling with her trauma and realizing that she could have complex trauma. We tried to continue to work on things but she kept pulling away. I continued to try and show her support, love and give her the space she asked for. I would check in with her by text every couple of weeks. We would see each other every few weeks. We also stopped having sex for that time since it was triggering her.

Around Christmas she ended the relationship saying she wasn't sure if she could heal and find herself while being in a relationship. However she didn't want to lose me either. We have slowed our communication down to maybe once a month with some sporadic in person meet ups for lunch.

I try to keep those meet up light and just chat with her and ask how she is doing. However she does bring up that she is not dating and not ready to date. I'm would definitely like to try again on our relationship but I'm not trying to push that on her.

One part of me wants to ask if she could ever see a future with me again, but I don't want to pressure her by that question right now. I'm not sure how to proceed in this.

Would the best thing be to let her come back to me if she wants to try again.

No,don't try to get her back.i am on the same boat except we both know things are not gonna be better for now.i am trying to stay away as long as I can.if it works out it will be smoothly and if it doesn't than that's probably the best for both.i don't know her history but complex PTSD is awful.trying to be with someone and allowing intimacy is super difficult,I know cause I suffer from this.it is a painful and awful thing to deal with.she has alot of courage trying to heal.if anything you are doing well giving her space,trust me ,if I could find a Cave to go live in I would go in a split second.trauma makes being around people extremely hard.