Suicidal Ideation- What Is It?

[Emma13]

Hi, I am wondering what suicidal ideation is? My former counselor tried to explain it to me a couple of years ago, but I still don't understand what it means.

 

[anthony]

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/about-suicidal-ideation.4538/[/DLMURL]

 

[Emma13]

Thanks.

 

[safenow]

It says I can't open it. Is it a blocked thread?

 

[Emma13]

I can not open it either and I can't find it using the search engine.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I've reported it for Anthony to figure out. Please be patience.

 

[Emma13]

I can do that. Gives me more time to explore the site.

 

[Resilientbibliophile]

Hello,

(Please exercise care reading this post for I have no desire to trigger anyone for so-reporting)

Though not a clean definition as might be sourced elsewhere, I'd explain suicidal ideation as the very scary experience and not entirely voluntary experience of suicide becoming a clear and present option. Without full control of self, one suddenly and very uncomfortably flirts with the option - because suddenly it very much seems an option to simply end pain, end habits of holding out for improvement of much, etc. It's a terrifying place to be, for in the moment (and such can last for far more than a fleeting few minutes) I've had to catch myself for suddenly habits of creative assertion will be blithely and without apparent effort directed towards means and methods to end life. It just sort of, hmm...happens...

Although just the reportage of one, there have been times in my life when passing bridge abutments whilst on the interstate will prompt a cascade of thoughts as to what speed I could carry if I intended to turn into them to end my life, if the collision would be too indirect to 'complete the task', etc. I'll lose myself in speculative reverie and five minutes will pass before I catch myself - for who else will? My intent may not be to dwell on such morbid thoughts, but some awful momentum takes hold and is slow to dissipate. Driving alone in such a state is sheer terror. Twice now I've stopped at police stations simply to sit in the lobby, welcoming observation but not escort to a hospital.


M.

 

[Zef]

The wikipedia entry has a decent overview of what suicide ideation is. . . http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicidal_ideation

 

[anthony]

Actually, it is linked into another area, which only certain members have access. Here is my post within that thread (old post):

Pretty much.... its the thoughts and acknowledgement of those thoughts, but not wanting to act upon them regardless how strong they become. For example, years ago when medicated on Lexapro the medication actually made me worse with ideation, in that suddenly whenever behind the wheel of a car I would think to myself that I could just drive into that pole, that truck coming towards me, etc etc.... ideation is the thoughts, but not wanting to act upon them, but control them and seek help for them.

Ideation even extends to those who talk about wanting to kill themselves, going to kill themselves, though never really have any intent to kill themselves, they just want attention. That falls into the realms of ideation.... but leaning towards the act of suicide itself. When in that realm is what attracts attention, hence why people do it.

 

[Maggiemay]

The way I see it is viewing suicide as the 'ideal', the solution to whatever turmoil you're going through. I spent a good few months a few years back classed as having sucidal ideations. No matter what I did, the wouldn't budge - the idea of ending it to solve my current situation was always at the forefront in my mind. In some ways it eases the pain and gave me an escape route if all else failed.

It's different to being actively suicidal - where you've made plans that you are intent on carrying out, started dealing with your affairs, written suicide notes, stock up ob alcohol and pills etc. That's when the ideations have taken over and turned from the ideal into a pre thought throught intent. The thoughts turn to actions, and become active.

I've been there too... Lost count in my late teens/ early twenties how many times I lost control and gained I guess a hunger to end it - thinking about it wasn't enough, I became lost amoungst the fog and didn't have the strength to fight the growing demon inside me. I remember after being admitted to hospital following an attempt I turned round to the nurse and said I could no longer trust myself - if I walked out that door I couldn't promise to not do it again. Hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Even now, a good 8years later I apparently struggle with suicidal ideation (well, so the psych says!) From mt perspective, I'm fighting tooth and nail and far from that pit od depression when I see no way out other than ending it... I truly hope I never go back there - it's scary, all consuming, overwhelming and you feel totally helpless to stop it.

I'm just thankful I somehow managed to rebuild my life enough to choose the path of life rather than death, even on the darkest days...

 

[Emma13]

Thanks. Is there anything like self-harm ideation? I think I experience that more than suicidal ideation.