Suicidal Thoughts And Si (trigger)

[DharmaGirl]

Hugs, Grace, if you accept them. I had a huge struggle with suicide. I see a trauma therapist and now I have some days where I don't think about it much at all. I didn't realize I had trauma as a child. I could see parts of it throughout my life but I would hide it away again. I didn't believe my therapist when he said I trauma, but then I became flooded with memories. Its is not easy, and upping my Zoloft did help me.

One of the other things that help me, its pretty corny, was listening to Skillet. It is a Christian alternative band. They have songs that really help my traumatized self. I am not Christian, but I do love their music. I also got The DBT Workbook and worked a little in that. That helped to. Coming to the forum every day helped so much I can't believe it. Going to therapy twice a week for 2 years helped too.

I have an emergency plan that lists things I can do to help myself. I use this often. I still have lots of bad days, but I know I will get some relief by doing the things on my list. I hope your therapist can help you, and God's grace fill you so you feel better.

 

[Rennie]

I am so sorry thing are bad at the moment, things are bad for me also - I also Self harmed but I take comfort in caring for my body after with antiseptic and bandages and when I get back I will be letting my T know what has happened as I keep as few a secrets as possible from her. good luck and look after you first.

 

[ms spock]

I Have been having suicidal thoughts everyday. I also have the urge to si. I SI'ed last week but it was not bad.

I wonder if the meds have anything to do with the si but i have had si before the meds. The urge to self harm is strong too.

I have gotten confused in this thread as I am wondering if SI mean Suicidal Ideation or Self Injure. Please write out the words if you can, it is so confusing to try and understand a thread with all these abbreviations that are not defined.

People come to the PTSD Forum for help, understanding and to relate to others and many people have English as a second language or come from all over parts of the world. So it is best to write out what you mean rather than use abbreviations.

I had SI (Suicidal Ideation) before meds but I went on one particular medication and I experienced an increase in SI feelings. So it is important to feed this back to your psychiatrist.

 

[Nicolette]

I just feel like there is something seriously wrong with me to think about suicide on a daily basis.

I'm sorry for your struggles but I understand it can be normal to have that thinking style through your journey so please don't feel there is anything wrong with you however please do seek help and support.

 

[ms spock]

I understand it can be normal to have that thinking style through your journey so please don't feel there is anything wrong with you however please do seek help and support.

I didn't know that.

 

[DharmaGirl]

it can be normal to have that thinking style through your journey

I guess I knew that. I know I rarely have a day go by without thinking about it but there have been several days that I can remember not thinking about it. It becomes less severe and sometimes it is overwhelming which is when I have to go inpatient. I know that after 2 years of therapy, it has become better.

 

[ms spock]

Well I have suicidal ideation as a constant feature of my life at times but I didn't realise it was also a PTSD thing.

 

[DharmaGirl]

So is it a relief to find that out? It was for me.

 

[ms spock]

Yes it is a relief.

I had thought that it was a childhood abuse thing.

I also thought that it was a problem with me, like Grace511 said.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Me too. I'm glad to find out so many of the things I do and hate myself for are part of the illness. Sorry to hijack the thread, Grace. Back to you.

 

[Grace511]

No its fine. I have suicidal ideation alot and I have just started self harming again.

 

[ms spock]

Grace511, do you have a list of things to do rather than self harm?

Can you ring and get an emergency appointment to see your therapist?

If you are self harming you need to be in a safe place, can you go to an inpatient clinic?

It is great that you are reaching out here but you need to get emergency help.