Sierra Lee
New Here
Recently, I have surfaced repressed memories from a traumatic experience I had a little over three years ago. I saw a video that reminded me of the event. I could not stop thinking about it. I was crying for hours on end thinking about it. I started to remember things I forgot happened. Now every night I have nightmares. I have lost sleep because of it. I have lost so much sleep and appetite, that I feel dizzy sometimes and a few times I have hallucinated.
A few years ago I tried committing suicide when I was four and a half months pregnant. Some friends found me and stopped me halfway through the pills. I woke up in a pool of blood. A private doctor came immediately and had to remove my dead son. He died because of all the pills I took. I almost died, and for the longest time after that I wish I did. The doctor had to cut and break apart my baby's body to get him out of me. My friends forced me not to look when they removed his body but I couldn't stop trying. I cried, kicked, and screamed the whole time. I witnessed my own dead son be ripped apart from inside me, after I had killed him. I tried to chase after the nurse when the nurse carried away his remains, but of course, I was too weak.
I didn't speak for a week after that and I was severely depressed from this event. I was diagnosed with PTSD before this even happened to me and my doctor said it was worse after. I was severely depressed for over a year. I hated myself everyday. I finally stopped thinking about it. About a week ago I finally remembered everything that happened. Ever since I remembered it, I haven't slept very well. I constantly dream about it. Its all I can think about nowadays. I either dream about the memory, or dream about something abstractly similar, or I don't dream at all and have Night Terrors. I honestly don't know how to make it stop. My body can't function properly with this much stress and lack of sleep. Any advice?
A few years ago I tried committing suicide when I was four and a half months pregnant. Some friends found me and stopped me halfway through the pills. I woke up in a pool of blood. A private doctor came immediately and had to remove my dead son. He died because of all the pills I took. I almost died, and for the longest time after that I wish I did. The doctor had to cut and break apart my baby's body to get him out of me. My friends forced me not to look when they removed his body but I couldn't stop trying. I cried, kicked, and screamed the whole time. I witnessed my own dead son be ripped apart from inside me, after I had killed him. I tried to chase after the nurse when the nurse carried away his remains, but of course, I was too weak.
I didn't speak for a week after that and I was severely depressed from this event. I was diagnosed with PTSD before this even happened to me and my doctor said it was worse after. I was severely depressed for over a year. I hated myself everyday. I finally stopped thinking about it. About a week ago I finally remembered everything that happened. Ever since I remembered it, I haven't slept very well. I constantly dream about it. Its all I can think about nowadays. I either dream about the memory, or dream about something abstractly similar, or I don't dream at all and have Night Terrors. I honestly don't know how to make it stop. My body can't function properly with this much stress and lack of sleep. Any advice?
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