Sufferer Survivor Of Attempted Murder

[JuneBug68]

Hello all. My name is Megan. I witnessed my mothers murder and survived the knife attack myself. My mom was stabbed 30 x and I was stabbed only twice, but my lung collapsed and I was in critical condition although I remember everything.. even the surgery since I couldn't be put under. It has almost been 8 years since the night. I was 18 then, and now 26.. I think I am doing well considering all of this, but of course still struggle with the flashbacks, anxiety, depression, guilt, the heartbreak of losing her and witnessing it without being able to stop it.

I am thankful the murderer is in prison but justice will never be served since I can't un-see that night, and my mom wont be back. I started a blog but dont want to share it with many family members and friends, so I wanted to post it here and see if anyone else has blogs i can follow so we can support eachother in that way also Is there a way to post links to personal blogs? I am going to try to share what has helped me with my experiences here on this forum to anyone who might be encouraged by it, and look forward to meeting people who understand this "new normal" I live in.

Megan

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think maybe you can swap blog addresses privately thru PM. The forum has a non-self promotion rule, but I don't know if this falls under that. Welcome!

 

[anthony]

Welcome to the forum. Please be aware of the policies you accepted upon registration, being there is zero self promotion.

 

[mamachick]

Dear Megan,
I had no idea that you have been through this. I dont usually read diaries (if you have one) and while I always love your posts and responses, I must have missed this if you posted it before. I dont really know how to blog but would be happy to pm with you, or learn the blog. You are my idol on here I must admit. I aspire to find the kind, compassionate, and tactful words that come so naturally to you. You always have the nicest way of supporting others and I admire your ability to always find the words of kindness, compassion, and support.

I know this is your normal, but your circumstances are anything but normal. I am always encouraged by your strength, courage, compassion, and support. I would feel very privlidged to be invited to your blog or to pm. I dont have a blog so I need help on getting one and sharing address if I am understanding Solara correctly.

I cannot imagine the re-living that you must go through, unable to get the vision out of your head. The most violent image I have-I did not see and was not present. It is a picture that I have lives in my head as a result of police reports and news reports. My 18 yr old nephew joined the Navy. After basic training at Great Lakes? I think, he was home for a party and injured by a drunk driver. After hours in surgery, he was a quadropalegic. I loved him dearly. He was grumpy after his accident. He lived this way for 18 yrs. At age 36, he hired a new nursing assistant about the same age to come in for morning care and night care. She had a 30 yr old cousin on drugs who had a grudge against her and came to the home with a shotgun and killed the nurse and my nephew both. Robbed him of medication and coin collections and stuff. He was caught within hours.He is in prison for live. That does not bring me peace, it does not bring my nephew back.

I want to know what has helped you and also would be honored to provide you support and the opportunity to participate in your blog if you would allow me.
'Thoughts, prayers, and gentle hugs
Mary

 

[RussH]

Hi Megan,
First, I am sorry for your loss, and the pain you are suffering. I hope, soon, you be able to understand that you could not stop the attack and be able to release the guilt you are feeling over it.

If you look under forums you will see a place where you can start a trauma dairy. Now, under this on it is open for anyone to read it. Otherwise you can become a premium member, and can start a private diary.

 

[wicked child]

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Big Hugs

 

[CrazyHorse]

Brat17, I think you might be confusing JuneBug68 with the other Junebug on this forum :)

 

[DMerish]

Hi Megan,

I'm so sorry you went through that experience and continue to relive it your head sometimes now. So, so sorry. But I'm very glad you found this site. I hope you'll find many supportive friends here to help along your healing journey.

Drew

 

[mamachick]

Thank you crazy horse. I am sorry.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Megan,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

I am sorry for your loss and the violence that you and your mother experienced. Writing about the trauma is a great way to process it and you might want to start a trauma diary on this site where you can confront the emotions and symptoms you are dealing with. Feedback from members can be invaluable in your recovery as you are among people who truly "get it".

I hope you find the information and support here beneficial to your healing.

Take care.

Debbie