sweetcandy
Bronze Member
I decided to start my first trauma diary. I intend to use this diary to log my thoughts, perhaps it could help me heal quicker and I could support and encourage others through my experiences.
This might be a bit triggering for victims of child abuse or anyone who has been through family violence.
My trauma really began as a child. My father is alcoholic who drank every single night. He would beat my mum and beat me. There was no safe place. I would go to my bedroom and lay on my bed and my father would come in to my room aggressively yelling and punching, kicking and beating me until I was nearly unconscious. I would scream for help but no one heard. After he finished beating me, I cried but there was no where to run. My memories of my childhood abuse are all scattered. Sometimes I wonder how anyone can beat a small child every day and not have any guilt. It makes me so angry. My own father didn't even care to think about the impact it would have on my life.
Today, my neighbours dogs barked and I got so startled and frightened initially until I realised that they were just barking at people walking past. I'm sick of having ptsd because of my father. I wish I didn't have to live with this because it impacts all of my relationships and I have no idea what a healthy one is. I'm upset coz people tell me to just get over it but its not that simple. I can't just "get over it". I don't like living with PTSD and if I could "just get over it", I would.
So now I'm trying to find new ways to ground myself when I feel the overwhelming emotions or triggers by jogging or walking, even counting numbers helps somewhat. But...its easier said than done.
This might be a bit triggering for victims of child abuse or anyone who has been through family violence.
My trauma really began as a child. My father is alcoholic who drank every single night. He would beat my mum and beat me. There was no safe place. I would go to my bedroom and lay on my bed and my father would come in to my room aggressively yelling and punching, kicking and beating me until I was nearly unconscious. I would scream for help but no one heard. After he finished beating me, I cried but there was no where to run. My memories of my childhood abuse are all scattered. Sometimes I wonder how anyone can beat a small child every day and not have any guilt. It makes me so angry. My own father didn't even care to think about the impact it would have on my life.
Today, my neighbours dogs barked and I got so startled and frightened initially until I realised that they were just barking at people walking past. I'm sick of having ptsd because of my father. I wish I didn't have to live with this because it impacts all of my relationships and I have no idea what a healthy one is. I'm upset coz people tell me to just get over it but its not that simple. I can't just "get over it". I don't like living with PTSD and if I could "just get over it", I would.
So now I'm trying to find new ways to ground myself when I feel the overwhelming emotions or triggers by jogging or walking, even counting numbers helps somewhat. But...its easier said than done.
