Symptoms: Egocentrism

[Upside Down Eagle]

So I've frequently been told that despite being friendly and open-minded, I am quite egocentric. I was first told this in therapy five years ago, then forgot all about it. But this winter I stumbled into myself constantly, got into various conflicts with people and heard it again.

Which made me finally wonder if they were right. And I'm starting to see that they probably are. I grew up as an only child, with a narcissist and abusive mother, and a father who was afraid of her. From the start I learned to rely only on myself and to view everything they said with contempt.

From the start I thought that my way was the only way, and that I had to put myself first because of the PTSD. Some people have the opposite: they get low self-esteem and they come to think of themselves as worthless. Instead, I saw myself as my own rescuer and hero.

I've struggled with issues of contempt, arrogance, and loathing of other people. I've thought that there was plenty wrong with them, that they are generally superficial, naive, and honestly just ignorant. Which was also a way to push them away and isolate myself from them.

I feel weird right now. I've been this way all my life and it's so strange to go to the supermarket and for once not see those people as ignorant sheep. This is so new, I don't know where to start changing. Has anyone else experienced egocentrism as a coping mechanism?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yes, I can see it in just your "ignorant sheep" comment. I've known enough egotists that have had the same mentality. But, good news...you can see it in yourself so you can change. All those other people, well, yeah, I feel bad for them because their victims of their own egocentrism. It must be pretty lonely to live there...

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Solara, luckily for us egocentrists, that isn't the only aspect of our personality. I have a lot of good friends, and I love helping them out. The fact that I generally have regarded people as ignorant sheep, doesn't mean that I can't change my mind about them, specially when I get to know them. :)

 

[Everhopeful]

Reading your post, Radise, I was struck by not so much that you say you suffer from egocentrism, but that there is a tendency to generalise about people and paint them all over with the same brush. "They are all like this...or like that". Maybe it has been a self-protective thing for you? You identify how they all seem to be, and then you know what you are supposed to be dealing with?

It is wonderful to have gained insight into yourself like this. I have done similar in my past, I was mostly this scared and anxious young girl / woman who did not have much experience with people in general. Always so shy and reserved. Feeling overwhelmed by "people". Did not learn good interpersonal skills from my upbringing and family life. So it was better to generalise and think that "People are all the same".

In reality we know this is not so: there are many shades of grey and everyone is a unique individual and you get all sorts of people.

It helps me to think of the "story behind the person" when I encounter someone new, or even when I am just in a crowd observing people. Everyone has their story of heartache, triumph, sadness etc. Most people are just trying to be happy. Some are more enlightened and spiritually connected, others are still on a long journey of awakening...

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

but that there is a tendency to generalise about people and paint them all over with the same brush

I think it's related. I tend to generalize them, while at the same time putting them down.... I do think it's a protective thing, an effective way of removing myself from "their midst".

I used to be very shy and reserved too, as a kid. Then somewhere in my teens I suddenly made the shift towards bully. I wasn't a badass bully, but I was joining the kids who thought of themselves as "tough" and also behaved that way. Being "tougher" or "smarter" has been a survival skill everywhere.

There is also this overwhelming "how could you do this to me" and resentment attitude that I have been carrying around me for a long time. I resented everybody for what happened to me, with the exception of my friends. I have often pictured myself hurting people around me just because I felt so humiliated. Even though they had no connection whatsoever to my life.

Everyone has their story of heartache, triumph, sadness etc. Most people are just trying to be happy. Some are more enlightened and spiritually connected, others are still on a long journey of awakening...

I find people difficult because many of them are actually quite like me. Instead of being theirselves, they feel insecure and attempt to be somebody that they are not. I feel threathened by that, maybe because they mirror me that way. I get a desperate feeling of "I don't want to be like that" and isolate myself even more.

I'm in a process of learning that it is okay for me to exist as myself, contrary to what my parents taught me verbally and physically. And to have a little more confidence in me (who I really am, without the pretending) and the rest of humankind :)