My T is back from vacation, I made it the whole time without emailing her. I know people here suggested I email her anyways based on all the things that were happening even before my cat was attacked and had to be put down. Even though I wanted to talk to her really badly at certain points, I didn't want to interrupt her vacation. It's called a vacation for a reason, and she needs a break from her clients so she can recharge.
I saw my T yesterday, I really missed her, it's hard for me to admit that because I hate feeling do dependant on another human being, but I did and I'm really grateful she is back. I immediately told her about having to put my cat down, I told her about his injuries, and I cried. I cried through our whole session for an assortment of reasons.
I then told her how the police interview went, how poorly it went. That no charges were being laid, that it was thrown back on me (that the police accused me of doing it to myself), and I told her that they labelled me as a false reporter. I didn't get into it too much this session with her, it was hard enough getting that much out after dealing with the premature death of my cat the night before. I will talk to her more in depth about it next week. She said that she believed I would never cut my own face, she understands that I cut, but doesn't think I would ever do that. She also told me that as unfortunate as it is, what I told her about how the police handled my case is very common and she's heard similar things from other clients.
Then she started to talk about how she wants to do healing work with me... and I left her office (mentally) at this point because while we were talking about the police thing the internal screaming started really loud, and I started to have a flashback. When I started to come back my T had turned music on, and was sitting on the floor with me holding my hand. I should have asked my T for a hug, but I didn't, no real reason as to why I didn't ask. I ended up sitting in my car and sobbing for a while after in her driveway.
I didn't mention to my T about the other social worker letting me down and how that hurt me. Oh but I did tell her about my second suicide attempt from 2 weeks ago after she left, I tried to plow into another topic right after by telling her about the new combination of medications I'm on so we didn't have to focus heavily on the suicide attempt. Although she did ask me if I still felt suicidal and I told her "I don't know", and she responded that I sounded kind of flat. I know she knows that I am aware of how suicidal I feel, I know she understands that I just don't want to verbally admit it.
*I'm going to post separately about the new cat situation in discussion or something.
Edited to add link to this post.
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/i-adopted-one.44584/
I saw my T yesterday, I really missed her, it's hard for me to admit that because I hate feeling do dependant on another human being, but I did and I'm really grateful she is back. I immediately told her about having to put my cat down, I told her about his injuries, and I cried. I cried through our whole session for an assortment of reasons.
I then told her how the police interview went, how poorly it went. That no charges were being laid, that it was thrown back on me (that the police accused me of doing it to myself), and I told her that they labelled me as a false reporter. I didn't get into it too much this session with her, it was hard enough getting that much out after dealing with the premature death of my cat the night before. I will talk to her more in depth about it next week. She said that she believed I would never cut my own face, she understands that I cut, but doesn't think I would ever do that. She also told me that as unfortunate as it is, what I told her about how the police handled my case is very common and she's heard similar things from other clients.
Then she started to talk about how she wants to do healing work with me... and I left her office (mentally) at this point because while we were talking about the police thing the internal screaming started really loud, and I started to have a flashback. When I started to come back my T had turned music on, and was sitting on the floor with me holding my hand. I should have asked my T for a hug, but I didn't, no real reason as to why I didn't ask. I ended up sitting in my car and sobbing for a while after in her driveway.
I didn't mention to my T about the other social worker letting me down and how that hurt me. Oh but I did tell her about my second suicide attempt from 2 weeks ago after she left, I tried to plow into another topic right after by telling her about the new combination of medications I'm on so we didn't have to focus heavily on the suicide attempt. Although she did ask me if I still felt suicidal and I told her "I don't know", and she responded that I sounded kind of flat. I know she knows that I am aware of how suicidal I feel, I know she understands that I just don't want to verbally admit it.
*I'm going to post separately about the new cat situation in discussion or something.
Edited to add link to this post.
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/i-adopted-one.44584/
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