T "unavalible" For Over A Month

[mrsps]

I had a session with my T today and at the very end of the session she said she was going to be unavailable to all her clients till mid April. She said she could give me the name of another T I could see if I needed. I asked her why she never gives any notice of when she is going to be away. She said what difference would it make.
I consider myself to be lucky in the fact that I can cope while she is away but there are others (and I have been this way myself in the past) who would struggle to cope with no T for over a month. There were times where I lived week to week for that appointment.
How would you feel if your T gave no warning of being away?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think its a bit rude and irresponsible to tell clients the week before she's going to be unavailable. What difference does it make? Well, for one, I value my time above all else and this sort of behavior is a complete disregard for my time when I depend on someone to be there for me week after week. It doesn't give you any opportunity to truly plan ahead. (I'm big on planning!) My last T was awesome and would let me know months in advance when she was going to be away. She was great in that regard.

Actually, my last few therapists would let me know about their travel plans in advance. Two therapists ago, well, she went away quite often, but I had no problems with it as she always gave me notice.

 

[darrenS]

i agree with Solara on this, i think its incredibly arrogant rude and unprofessional. If you were seeing any other pprofessional on the same basis as a t , they would naturally tell you when they will be gone for a month. I tell my clients when i wont be around , even if its for a few days, simply because its the respectful thing to do.

I would actually raise this with your t,and express what you really feel or alternatively spend that month in session with a fresh face and anew attitude, sometimes change is like a holiday and can work wonders. I can only think of two reasons why a t may do this, she may be doing it in the hope you will assert yourself or something similar , or alternatively she is just not with the program so to speak. But either way, use it for positive change and chat with a fresh face, you just never know what good may come.

 

[finding_my_way]

Her treatment of this situation is entirely dismissive. I have a T who is very unreliable, too. Sometimes, the unreliability is understandable - like family issues in her way - but other times it is a clear lack of work ethic honestly. I appreciate that she can care for her needs, but when it is at the cost of respect for me and her other clients, it is not right. You are entirely correct; your T should have given notice. I wonder if, by asking that, you were feeling somewhat hurt or abandoned by the situation? Or maybe simply afraid? You have a right to feel that way even if you don't NEED your T in the same way you once did. She is someone who supports you and knows your story, and that is an important relationship. A sense of fear or loss is natural when that is even temporarily pulled from you. I hope you can respect how you feel, acknowledge how brave it was to ask her such a forward question - I have yet to be that brave and direct with my T's unreliability - and possibly use that other T for support if you do end up needing help. I can say, I did fine for 3 weeks without my T, but now it has been a month and I am struggling big time - but my T sets and then cancels appointments over and over again, so it's like a repeat of having my heart torn apart each time (because I mentally set myself up to make it long enough to see her when I am really struggling). I have had Ts at treatment centers/organizations give two weeks notice before quitting because of organization policy, and I find that entirely improper, hurtful, disrespectful, and unethical.

 

[sun seeker]

How would you feel if your T gave no warning of being away?

Shocked. Her "what difference does it make?" leaves me with my mouth hanging open. For a therapist to say something like this shows serious lack of understanding of what a therapist can mean to some clients. That kind of callousness could be retraumatizing and potentially dangerous to clients who are less stable. Where is the trust that a therapeutic relationship is based on? Seriously not okay.

 

[darrenS]

i had a situation with a previous T , i cancelled an appt 48hrs before time , he sent me an email that bordered on abusive about how important his time was and how he had a long waiting list etc etc , he then confronted me in my session as well. A couple of appts later he didnt even turn up , i asked him what happened and he dismissively said he forgot all about it. The next appt i cancelled again 48 hrs before and sure enough got another nasty email.

When i went to my next appt , i confronted him and asked him why he thought his time was so much more important than mine, i got my response and apology , needless to say i did not continue with him.

It can only be a true healing relationship if there is trust both ways, when someone disrespects you , it does affect your ability to trust, and it does affect your therapy. I have a great T now , and she is very professional , we also have a very direct and straight forward relationship and have no problems confronting each other if need be and i believe that i the way it should be. They are a guide , not a god.

 

[mrsps]

Thanks for the replies. I didn't get the name/number of the other T she said she could give me if I needed it. When my T said about another T, I went quiet and didn't say I wanted the name/number. I am now feeling nervous about her being away for so long. I went 6 weeks over xmas new year but that was different as I knew I could txt her over this time if I did need her. Its the fact I cant contact her if I did need to that is hard.

 

[Sammyiam]

I would e-mail and get the name of the other therapist and go to see them once they might be better than the one you have got, as she doesn't sound to flash if you ask me. My therapist would never do that she's gives me weeks in advance and tries and makes sure I have some support from other places like a depression or Anixety based place. I would give the other person she talked about a try. What have you got to lose, it's the perfect chance to try someone else with no strings attached.

 

[Justmehere]

She said what difference would it make.

You hired her to perform a job. Suddenly, mid-stream, she takes off for a month with almost no notice? Most people in most jobs would be fired. Most therapists, especially trauma therapists, would give lots of notice and they would know why it matters.

My own therapist told me a MONTH in advance that she was going to be gone for a week with no options for contact. Just a week! I kept telling her I'm fine with it... I didn't understand why she gave me so much notice. Now that she is gone, I understand why she gave me the time to prepare and I'm glad for it.

I would consider giving the fill-in person a try. Maybe they could help in ways you don't expect and that your therapist didn't think about.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Ok so 6 weeks over Christmas, and now, approximately 2- 2 1/2 months later she's taking another 5 weeks off? Maybe its time to find a new T if she is taking so much time off! This isn't the kind of schedule that is conducive to building a strong therapeutic relationship IMHO. When I talked about my old T going away often, it was *maybe* a week gone every 2 or 3 months. I understand that life happens, but at the same time, your healing is of utmost importance!

 

[Friday]

How would you feel if your T gave no warning of being away?

At this point...fine. In fact, my T works with NGOs and is frequently gone doing humanitarian work / acute trauma therapy in situ. It's one of the things I like about him. Not that he's gone, but that he lives a busy life, and it relates to my own. He's not here to hold my hand. He's here to help me, with some shit that is gonna take awhile to sort, and he does that. I can take care of myself.

I consider myself to be lucky in the fact that I can cope while she is away but there are others (and I have been this way myself in the past) who would struggle to cope with no T for over a month. There were times where I lived week to week for that appointment.

I don't worry about his other clients. I figure, that's his job. I worry about me & what I need. I'm not gonna quit therapy because he might not be helping other people in a way even I don't need. As far as I know, maybe he does treat them different, and our dynamic is our own. No idea. I really, simply, don't worry about them. They're neither my business nor my concern.

 

[Suzetig]

Like the others here, mine always gives notice is she's going to be away. She's only cancelled twice while I've been working with her and both times were unavoidable. I'd be furious if she waited til the end of session to say she was going to be away for a month, gives you no time to process that at all.