T "unavalible" For Over A Month

[Sandstone]

I wonder if she is in a personal crisis, and recognising that she can't do it. That still means she isn't good enough for you, but it could expalin the suddenness and the determination not to discuss it.

 

[scout86]

My own, direct answer to your question is that I'd be a bit shocked and upset. I can't see handling things that way with anyone. But, without knowing more about what's going on on her end, you don't know how much time she had to prepare people. It's possible this came up suddenly. You also don't know that she handled all of her clients the same way. (I hope not, because that WAS pretty abrupt.)

I'd get the contact info, if you still can. You have no idea what's going on here or where it will lead. Wouldn't hurt to have a "Plan B".

 

[ms spock]

I asked her why she never gives any notice of when she is going to be away. She said what difference would it make.

This person has no business being a therapist. That they can even ask this question alerts me to the fact that they are very dangerous.

 

[sun seeker]

To spell it out, some clients at some points of their process could become suicidal if treated this way. That doesn't mean emergencies or unforeseen circumstances can't come up, but there is no reason to treat vulnerable people with so callously.

 

[mrsps]

Ok so 6 weeks over Christmas, and now, approximately 2- 2 1/2 months later she's taking another 5 weeks off?

Sorry I should have explained better she took 2 weeks off over this period, I didn't have an appointment booked with her for when she came back after new years she said to txt in the new year for an appointment. I was doing ok and didn't feel the need at the time to see her so ended up being a 6 week break. But I could have had an appointment after the 2 week had I have wanted.

 

[mrsps]

I'd be a bit shocked and upset.

After having time to process it this is how I am feeling! I feel like she doesn't care one little bit about me :(

you don't know how much time she had to prepare people

Even if something came up last minute she left it till the very end of our session to tell me

I feel so hurt, she knows I have abandonment issues and think that she is going to give up on me and then she goes and does this to me. How do I even get through the day

 

[sun seeker]

Even if something came up last minute she left it till the very end of our session to tell me

Yes, and even if she had to tell you at the last minute she could have told you more compassionately.

How do I even get through the day

I think what you should do is contact the other therapist she offered ASAP. You might find a much better fit. Based on what just happened, your therapist is not good for someone with abandonment issues. You deserve better.

 

[scout86]

Even if something came up last minute she left it till the very end of our session to tell me

My T moved his practice right around the first of the year. It was kind of a weird, fluid situation. To begin with, he was going to have a different office in the same town. Ended up moving to a completely different town. He told me that at the end of a session. The whole deal had been hard. I'd been struggling with worrying about being abandoned and all that. I had made a multitude of jokes about, "I don't care what you do, as long as you don't do like the parents who leave while the kid is in school, with no forwarding address."

So, I was pretty PO'd about the end of the hour announcement/ (There's a thread on here someplace about it.) PO'd enough, in fact, that I fired off an very angry, kind of over the top email about it. His explanation was that he's done this before, it's not his first rodeo. Different people handle these things differently and he tells different people differently. He thought I'd need time to think about it. He said it at the end of the hour because he didn't want to spend the hour talking about THAT, he wanted me to think about it for a week and THEN talk about it. I told him that would have been fine, IF I had actually been THINKING, instead of panicking. From my point of view, this was kind of a train wreck. I'm not sure how he sees it now. In the long run, some helpful stuff came out of it.

If my T had said "What difference does it make?" He would have meant that as a real question, not a rhetorical question intended to blow someone off. He actually would have wanted me to come up with an answer.

I have a feeling this "leave it for the end of the hour" stuff might be something they teach them in therapist school. Doesn't seem like it works as well for us as they think it does!

 

[mrsps]

Scout, thanks heaps for sharing your story with me. Argh I am so lost and confused now. I txt (I dont have her email address so can only txt her or ring her home number as she works from home but don't want to ring, hate talking on phone) my T last night to ask for the details of the other T she mentioned, she txt back saying she would get back to me ..... this also has me confused because if she was offering me someone in the appointment wouldn't she have the details to pass on (ok thinking about it maybe she wasn't home when I txt her and didn't have the details on her) but as it was fri night and now the weekend I cant do anything about it.
I feel like writing a big letter to her and shoving it into her letterbox, so so angry and hurt

 

[scout86]

Just some food for thought. You DON'T actually know the reason she's going to be gone, do you?

There was a lot of stuff that seemed "off" with my T for awhile. It was driving me a little crazy. You know how it goes! "What have I done? It's all my fault!" and all that. I finally flat out told him I had the feeling something was wrong and it was really bothering me. That he didn't have to tell me what it was, but I'd appreciate at least knowing if I was right and if it was "my fault". Turns out there WAS something wrong. He had a couple extremely sick people in his immediate family and, I'm sure, was worried about them, plus a few lesser issues. He said my radar was good and maybe we need to spend some more time working on anxiety..... That put a whole different spin on things!

 

[mrsps]

No her words were "I will be unavailable to all my clients until mid April" But she did the same last time she was going away told me at the last session before she was going to be away. Which was why I asked her this time why she doesn't give any notice as it wasn't the first time she has done this.

 

[scout86]

This really does sound like her idea of how to handle things. My T is pretty good about letting me know what's going on ahead of time, at least usually. I knew he was going to be moving offices a couple months ahead of time. (Just didn't know how it was going to ultimately work out until the end, but HE didn't know either.)

I hope you can get the contact info for the other T and maybe that will be a better fit!