Tale As Old As Time

[Bananie]

I'm sorry, I know this subject has been covered, and I'm not even here to ask a question. I just wanted to vent, I guess. My therapist of almost 2 years cancelled my last appointment, and then left the clinic. He did call, and I let it go to vm, so I could have a vm. He is "so sorry that he has to do this over the phone, and he knows it's a disruptive event for people."
He is transferring me to another therapist in the same clinic, that he thinks I will do well with.
Everything just changed for me. Job. Home. In kind of crappy ways, but him leaving is the worst out of any crappy thing happening right now. It's up there with the last major heartbreak, and I didn't even like him like that.
I know, in the end, it's just not fair, and that's life. It sucks. Get a helmet.

 

[Kintsugi]

Wow. That sucks. I'm sorry for you. My T can't leave me hanging like that, but if she could and did, I would be pretty devastated.

 

[Bananie]

Thank you. I really am devastated.
My temper has been so bad since.
Of course my paranoia is kicking in, and I'm wondering what I did wrong, even though, really, it was probably just a good opportunity for him.
I knew that after the relationship ended, I wouldn't get to see him anymore, that's therapy. But... I kinda thought...well, that it wouldn't end like this.

 

[jandal]

That's an truly dreadful end. Not only has he left suddenly but it doesn't sound like the clinic has handled the situation very well either, it's such a significant thing for all his clients, has there been any support from them other than we'll transfer you to another therapist? I mean it sounds like they left you to get the news over the phone. I'm so sorry Bananie.

 

[Bananie]

He was the one who left it for me to hear it by phone. He'd "hoped to see me in person, but was sick, which sucked in itself". The real twist of the knife for me is that he just moved to another clinic in the same city, so why can't I switch to that place? But, there was no offer of that, so clearly, he doesn't want me to follow. Just go to the new one, who he thinks up do well with. The clinic had told me I'd get a letter with my new t's name, which i haven't, so I'll call tomorrow. Mostly out of curiosity. This all made me even more....leary? Of therapy.

 

[joeylittle]

The real twist of the knife for me is that he just moved to another clinic in the same city, so why can't I switch to that place? But, there was no offer of that, so clearly, he doesn't want me to follow.

You should go ahead and ask.

He may be under a non-compete agreement, which means he is not allowed to continue working with any clients from the clinic he is leaving. Or, he may have signed one with the new clinic, which could (unfortunately) work the same way.

Or, he could have some hang-up about poaching clients. Or, he could be shifting focus. Too many possibilities, so it's definitely worth an ask.

It's also more than appropriate for you to ask for a closure session. He knows that. Now, the answer may be 'no' - but I always think it's worth it, even with the risk of being denied, to ask for what you would like from your therapist, especially when it comes to leaving a client. There is a 'best-practice', and so, you can know that you are very much within your rights as a client.

And: I'm sorry that he did what he did, in the way that he did it. That just sucks, and you are not over-reacting to be upset about it.

 

[Bananie]

The weird thing is, now, I don't know if I would even want to see him again. I mean, for like one last session. Or, even, at all, I guess. If it's just for one, I think it would hurt more, and to ask to switch, now, would seem, i dunno. Desperate. Which i am. Lol.
If you've read any of my posts, you'll know I'm obsessed with the musical Hamilton, and a line just popped into my head when i said I don't know if I could even ask "i swear your pride will n the death of us all- beware, it goeth before the fall!"
Before he called to tell me he was leaving, i already knew, cause the clinic had cancelled my upcoming appt so I called to see why and they said, cause his last day is the 14th. So i messaged him on the 7th through his website to say I'd heard he was no longer at the clinic and would he still be doing private practice, and could I switch to that. Then he called on the 10th. No mention of the message, no reply to that message, and I'm guessing because he won't be doing private practice (though it is still on his site), or that if he is, he doesnt want me there, either. Even if I was paying.
I failed therapy, i guess. Drove a t away.
Probably what's bothering me most? *I* am usually the one to leave.

 

[joeylittle]

I failed therapy, i guess. Drove a t away.

No, you didn't.

This would be the reason for a session to close things down properly. There are things you want to say, and this is one of those rare risk-free opportunities to say them. You could also let some of this be the topic in your first session with new T, just to get their input.

I'm guessing because he won't be doing private practice (though it is still on his site), or that if he is, he doesnt want me there, either

You don't need to guess. Seriously. It sounds like this whole transition is pretty chaotic on his end. Very possibly, he's not been through his website messages.

(I hope it doesn't sound like I'm making excuses for him - I'm not. I think he's doing a shitty job of handling his clients. But you certainly don't need to try and mind-read him on this stuff. You deserve answers to your questions)

 

[Bananie]

(I hope it doesn't sound like I'm making excuses for him

No, you're totally right.
I had reasons, but my fingers can't seem to keep up with the thought swirls. Thank you so much, and thanks to everyone, for the input. And support. :)

 

[Bananie]

May 2nd for new T

 

[scout86]

I'm going to second the idea of talking to him, at least to clear the air.

A couple of years ago, my T left a practice to go back out on his own. There was a certain amount of confusion in the process. He handled things in a way that HE thought was careful and respectful of its impact on me. At the last minute, there was a dramatic change in plans and I thought just what you're thinking now, about being a failure, him wanting to rid of, etc. When I finally talked to him about it (with some urging from the gang here), it turned out that the reason he hadn't encouraged me to follow him was that he didn't want to influence my decision. :rolleyes: We worked that out, know each other better as a result, and are still working together. Even if the outcome had been different, talking it through would have helped, I'm quite sure. (For one thing, rumor has it that that's what 'normal people' do. I decided I could use the practice. :))

This might also be a chance for your original T to learn some things about how to handle this stuff.

 

[ladee]

I'm so sorry Bananie.... what a crappy thing to be handed... sideways no less.. I do hope you get to have another conversation with him... for one thing, it would be great practice to following thru when you have so many questions... you DO deserve answers. And you aren't a failure... it sucks that is what we always fall back on.... on top of the move and an irritating boss...
Give the session some thought... and you do get to tell him how it made you feel... if he intends to keep practicing... this is NOT the way for word of mouth references.... Let us know... you are not a failure... period...