Talking About Myself Has Me Start Falling Apart - Trapped.

[Abstract]

Thank you very much MD and Heidi. I appreciate it. Especially since I know you are dealing with so much MD.

I am managing pretty well despite it having triggered symptoms which is to be expected. Attempting (not terribly successfully) to not hate myself and run myself down for putting it off for so long considering how well I have managed this.

It is of course not the whole story as there was barely an examination and the next one will be different but we shall deal with that when we get there.

 

[maddog]

It may be true that there was "barely an examination", but there was still an examination, and there was still an appointment, and that in itself was a massive hurdle to have overcome. Perhaps it will even play into your psychological and emotional favour that the first examination was relatively non-invasive in the literal sense of the word, allowing your focus to be more on the psychological issues of following through with it and less on the actualities of the procedure itself.

Just theorising, not inappropriately I hope... but you're right, one step at a time, and you took a big one.

Maddog

 

[JustBe]

I think you did well. I can't even sit fully clothed in an exam room for a med check without Kira alerting and responding to my anxiety.

 

[DMerish]

Gee Abstract, I was sorry to hear you're needing deal with that lump but very glad you're following up on it. Did you get the date fixed for your next appointment? :angelic:

 

[Abstract]

MD, I think it will help that this examination wasn't that involved. I still had my bra on actually. Its a taken it step by step rather than being thrown in in the deep end. Thanks for checking in! Much appreciated. I hope you coping ... ish.

MovinOn, thanks! That actually helped me. Feel like such a pathetic weakling but know you are brave and strong to go so that helps with the self judgement.

I know your trauma is related to ongoing medical stuff too so I can only imagine how hard that makes it. One of my traumas happened in a medical setting but it is probably my mildest one and the one that I have dealt with in T a little so that helps.

Thanks Drew! I have to wait for them to send me the appointment time. It works that way with the NHS here. It should be soon though and I actually would prefer that now. Less time to drag out.

I still can't care at all about there actually being anything wrong. There is still seems to almost be a passive suicidal wish in there somewhere which is ridiculous as that would really involve lots of examinations! It will probably teach me a lesson if it is cancer as I will probably change my attitude then.

 

[JustBe]

How are you doing?

 

[falling]

Have just been reading this thread and am too wondering how you are doing Abstract? My sister just had a lump checked out and it turned out to be cysts. Fingers crossed for you.

 

[Abstract]

Thanks for asking Movinon. I am still doing OK ish or better than I expected. Sleep very bad but that is nothing unusual. I need to force myself to keep checking the mail for the appointment. I am capable of "forgetting" or putting it off until I miss it and if I do that then getting the whole process going again with be difficult for me. Hope things are Ok ish for you.

Falling, thanks.
Sorry about your sister and I am glad it was a cyst. Thankfully I am not nervous of the results or the idea of something being wrong. It's just the actual process of checking it out. Most lumps are totally innocuous so hopefully it will be fine. Thanks for the crossed fingers. Sure I would be singing a different tune if it came back as a positive.

 

[Abstract]

I haven't managed to get myself to open my mail and I am very much hoping it isn't too late. Stupid brain is not very cooperative.

 

[falling]

Take a deep breath and open that mail. Remind yourself that you need to take care of YOU because you are worth it and even though it will be tough you CAN DO IT.

Post back to let us know how you do.

 

[Abstract]

Thank you soooo much for holding me accountable, Falling. It helps. I asked for help. A bit of a miracle as I don't do asking easily. Most of them were opened. There are still some that are unopened and need to be tackled which I will need to do.

 

[Abstract]

The post has been opened and the referral was sent well before the 4 th as I have a letter stating it was the second attempt and on that date. Probably a few days after the appointment. The dr said it would be quick.

Now I have to attempt to sort out the mess. I need to get a grip and stop messing up in my life in every facet of it.