It sure has taken a long time to stop dissociating as my default coping mechanism. Once I began allowing myself in therapy to turn inward and look at the hurt, really stare at it, the tears began leaking out. Every time I cry, I feel sloppy afterward, but no longer do I allow the voices in my head to label my feelings as weak, but instead as healthy.
Displays of true, strong emotions don't surprise nor make good therapists uncomfortable. They cheer it on as a sign of courage and growth, which it is. I know when my feelings match the trauma, processing is happening. That's the goal.
Lizio, I haven't met these friends at parties or events. Surprisingly, these friends were made along the way as I've been doing activities I'm very passionate about. By being my true self, I have found a few others who share many of my values. They have also had their traumas, but I have learned to take care of my biggest emotional needs in the therapy room so I can enjoy my time with my friends.
Not that I don't share the day to day annoyances, but I am at a point where most of my free time needs to be spent doing things which make me laugh. My therapist discovered that whenever I'm in dissociation or flashback, the quickest way for me to change the "state" I'm in is to laugh. I actively am cultivating as much laughter as I can each day.
It has the side benefit of making me less stressful for others to be around.
Getting back to the thread topic, I urgently need my therapist to help me deal with my traumas, teach me life skills, and push me to dream bigger. I need friends to cultivate a life worth living, to give me regular times to look forward to, and to help provide me regular "practice" at being the person I wish to be.
I couldn't get better without these people.
