Forever and Ever
New Here
Hi everyone that might come across this forum, just warning you all know that this is a very lengthy first post (sorry).
I have known "C" for 2.5 years now and we have dated long-distance off and on throughout this time. There has been a lot of ups and downs in our friendship/relationship. C is an ex-marine and was in Iraq for 9 months. I met him after he had gotten discharged. I knew a few months into us talking and getting to know each other that he had issues with things that happened in Iraq. I believe he told me that most of the guys in his group didn't make it home, but he did. He also told me that he had stepped on a roadside bomb while in Iraq and it didn't go off (thank the Lord) even though there was no reason for it not to go off. At least two years ago, he did not understand why he is still alive and his friends are not. At the beginning, he would rarely talk about his time in Iraq and when he did, it was a very difficult thing for him to do without "shutting down" in a sense. However, as time has gone on, C has been more open about his time in Iraq and talks about it like it's just something from his past. And he doesn't shut down.
Jumping back to about 9ish months after I had met C, he had to go into the VA hospital in town because he was having issues dealing with things and his therapist had him admitted. I went and saw him twice when he was there back in summer 2009. He also went to a place in Sheridan, WY in September 2009--which did not seem to help him much because he didn't get much one-on-one attention (at least that is how he made things appear when he would call me).
It was right before he went to WY for help that C told me that he loved me (so it was mid-August 2009) after I had left to go back up to college is a different state then where we are from--thus, adding another level of difficulty to our relationship is the fact that I am gone at college most of the time. Any who, I did not tell him that I loved him back until a few weeks later. Things seemed to be going well--minus my phone bill--from all the talking we were doing. Then things started to change when he would break up with me because he thought he wasn't good enough for me; or make up a story about him doing drugs and drinking all the time, know that I have no tolerance for that kind of behavior just so I would end things. Pretty much just an up and down cycle of us getting back together and then him blowing up at me or what not just so things would end.
We had been going together for a few months before I left to go study abroad for a semester--which I had always dreamed of doing and decided to do before I met him, and got accepted into the program when we were on the outs. It was about a month or so after me being gone that C became very distant from me and rarely would write me or want to make an effort to talk with me online--since that was our only form of communication during that time. Then he apologized for treating me poorly and not being there when I needed him to be. And then two hours later, he flipped out on me because I did not respond to his message (because I was asleep due to the 7 hour time difference) and started to say really mean things. I tried to argue with him, but then I stopped and tried to be a good Christian and help the man I love instead of arguing. We broke up and didn't talk from March 2010 till November 2010, when I received an email from C telling me that he was sorry for what he did and how he had treated me. I told him that I forgave him a long time ago and so on.
We started to talk again, and he seemed to be okay. He told me about going down south to meet his real dad and living down there for 6 months. Us talking lasted about a week or so before he freaked out again--with the help of hard alcohol. And I told him that I was done and deserved better than how he was treating me.
Well, I got rid of all contact with him again until end of February 2011 right before I went home for break. I ended seeing him over break for the first time in over a year at his work. All the feelings I thought were gone, came back for me and him. We have been talking ever since and things have been good. He has been over all positive about things, slowly getting his life back on track, knows what he needs to do in order to get back to college and get his degree, etc.C's job had him working weird hours--thus, messing with his sleep from all the night shifts and then day day shifts. He had his happier days and some down days that he didn't really know why he was not that happy. But, everyone has those days where they are not in the greatest of moods, so I didn't think anything of it. He was not showing any signs that things were not okay mentally that was until the wee hours of the morning yesterday (April 11, 2011).
We had talked for about an hour and a half prior to saying good night around midnight. We talked about our families and childhoods, about getting photos taken together when I get home after graduation (all his idea because he wants to have pictures of us together), and about our day/weekend. He seemed really happy and that he was okay mentally. C did mention that he seen a recent movie that was war related I believe, and he said that it really hit home to him because it made him think of times over there. But he didn't talk about the movie and the memories in a negative light at all. Then we just got onto another topic or movie. We said good night and that we love each other over the phone before we went to bed.
Then I get a phone call at 2:41am and it is C. I could tell by the very sound of his voice that something wasn't right. And I asked him what was wrong and all he said was that “couldn’t do it anymore”, and said things like “I am not who I say I am”, “not sure who I am anymore”, “please forget about me”, “I need to go back to the hospital”, “I am not who I used to be” etc. This conversation went on for about four to five minutes before he hung up on me. Needless to say, C scared me a lot by what he was saying and I was not going to just let him end the call not knowing that someone was with him and that he was going to be “okay”.
So, I kept trying to call to reach him; however, I kept getting a busy tone. Finally, there was an answered the phone by his grandma and she thought C was asleep. Therefore, I told her that he had just called me and that I don’t think he’s okay due to what I said above about what C said to me. Therefore, she went to go check up on him while I was still on the phone, but then the line went dead. So, I waited a few minutes before I called back. This time C answered and he tried to tell me that he did not call me (but he did, I even double checked my call log on my cell phone to make sure I was not dreaming). I told him that he scared me to death with what he was saying before and I had to keep calling until I got through to someone even though it was in the middle of the night. Then he hung up on me. I did not get much sleep last night because I was worried about C the whole time and still am.
And, I was in class when C called me and left a voicemail telling me that he was going to the hospital because he needs help and that he will call me when he is able to. He also told me that he loved me. I was not able to call back in time to talk to C before he got admitted into the VA hospital. I called his house and his grandpa answered saying that they should be admitting him right now and that he would let him know that I called. Also, C's grandpa said that C had to be pretty bad to admit that he needed help--which didn't help my nerves at all.
I have been praying and thinking about him all day. I am not sure how I am suppose to help him or how to be there for him when I am numerous hours away. I don't want to hinder his recovery at all and don't want to overcrowd him. He never told me to stay away in any sort. It's killing me knowing that my baby is in a white walled hospital room or where ever he is right now and I cannot be there to help him or support him. I want him to know that I love him too and that I am here for him if he needs me to be in shape or form--even if it means we can only be friends. I will do whatever I need to do in order for C to gain long-term clarity of mind.
If there is anyone out there that has made it to this point of my extremely long forum and has words of advise, scripture, quotes, etc., it would be greatly appreciated. Also, thank you for reading about C's and my story of love and hurdles. And have a wonderful day.
I have known "C" for 2.5 years now and we have dated long-distance off and on throughout this time. There has been a lot of ups and downs in our friendship/relationship. C is an ex-marine and was in Iraq for 9 months. I met him after he had gotten discharged. I knew a few months into us talking and getting to know each other that he had issues with things that happened in Iraq. I believe he told me that most of the guys in his group didn't make it home, but he did. He also told me that he had stepped on a roadside bomb while in Iraq and it didn't go off (thank the Lord) even though there was no reason for it not to go off. At least two years ago, he did not understand why he is still alive and his friends are not. At the beginning, he would rarely talk about his time in Iraq and when he did, it was a very difficult thing for him to do without "shutting down" in a sense. However, as time has gone on, C has been more open about his time in Iraq and talks about it like it's just something from his past. And he doesn't shut down.
Jumping back to about 9ish months after I had met C, he had to go into the VA hospital in town because he was having issues dealing with things and his therapist had him admitted. I went and saw him twice when he was there back in summer 2009. He also went to a place in Sheridan, WY in September 2009--which did not seem to help him much because he didn't get much one-on-one attention (at least that is how he made things appear when he would call me).
It was right before he went to WY for help that C told me that he loved me (so it was mid-August 2009) after I had left to go back up to college is a different state then where we are from--thus, adding another level of difficulty to our relationship is the fact that I am gone at college most of the time. Any who, I did not tell him that I loved him back until a few weeks later. Things seemed to be going well--minus my phone bill--from all the talking we were doing. Then things started to change when he would break up with me because he thought he wasn't good enough for me; or make up a story about him doing drugs and drinking all the time, know that I have no tolerance for that kind of behavior just so I would end things. Pretty much just an up and down cycle of us getting back together and then him blowing up at me or what not just so things would end.
We had been going together for a few months before I left to go study abroad for a semester--which I had always dreamed of doing and decided to do before I met him, and got accepted into the program when we were on the outs. It was about a month or so after me being gone that C became very distant from me and rarely would write me or want to make an effort to talk with me online--since that was our only form of communication during that time. Then he apologized for treating me poorly and not being there when I needed him to be. And then two hours later, he flipped out on me because I did not respond to his message (because I was asleep due to the 7 hour time difference) and started to say really mean things. I tried to argue with him, but then I stopped and tried to be a good Christian and help the man I love instead of arguing. We broke up and didn't talk from March 2010 till November 2010, when I received an email from C telling me that he was sorry for what he did and how he had treated me. I told him that I forgave him a long time ago and so on.
We started to talk again, and he seemed to be okay. He told me about going down south to meet his real dad and living down there for 6 months. Us talking lasted about a week or so before he freaked out again--with the help of hard alcohol. And I told him that I was done and deserved better than how he was treating me.
Well, I got rid of all contact with him again until end of February 2011 right before I went home for break. I ended seeing him over break for the first time in over a year at his work. All the feelings I thought were gone, came back for me and him. We have been talking ever since and things have been good. He has been over all positive about things, slowly getting his life back on track, knows what he needs to do in order to get back to college and get his degree, etc.C's job had him working weird hours--thus, messing with his sleep from all the night shifts and then day day shifts. He had his happier days and some down days that he didn't really know why he was not that happy. But, everyone has those days where they are not in the greatest of moods, so I didn't think anything of it. He was not showing any signs that things were not okay mentally that was until the wee hours of the morning yesterday (April 11, 2011).
We had talked for about an hour and a half prior to saying good night around midnight. We talked about our families and childhoods, about getting photos taken together when I get home after graduation (all his idea because he wants to have pictures of us together), and about our day/weekend. He seemed really happy and that he was okay mentally. C did mention that he seen a recent movie that was war related I believe, and he said that it really hit home to him because it made him think of times over there. But he didn't talk about the movie and the memories in a negative light at all. Then we just got onto another topic or movie. We said good night and that we love each other over the phone before we went to bed.
Then I get a phone call at 2:41am and it is C. I could tell by the very sound of his voice that something wasn't right. And I asked him what was wrong and all he said was that “couldn’t do it anymore”, and said things like “I am not who I say I am”, “not sure who I am anymore”, “please forget about me”, “I need to go back to the hospital”, “I am not who I used to be” etc. This conversation went on for about four to five minutes before he hung up on me. Needless to say, C scared me a lot by what he was saying and I was not going to just let him end the call not knowing that someone was with him and that he was going to be “okay”.
So, I kept trying to call to reach him; however, I kept getting a busy tone. Finally, there was an answered the phone by his grandma and she thought C was asleep. Therefore, I told her that he had just called me and that I don’t think he’s okay due to what I said above about what C said to me. Therefore, she went to go check up on him while I was still on the phone, but then the line went dead. So, I waited a few minutes before I called back. This time C answered and he tried to tell me that he did not call me (but he did, I even double checked my call log on my cell phone to make sure I was not dreaming). I told him that he scared me to death with what he was saying before and I had to keep calling until I got through to someone even though it was in the middle of the night. Then he hung up on me. I did not get much sleep last night because I was worried about C the whole time and still am.
And, I was in class when C called me and left a voicemail telling me that he was going to the hospital because he needs help and that he will call me when he is able to. He also told me that he loved me. I was not able to call back in time to talk to C before he got admitted into the VA hospital. I called his house and his grandpa answered saying that they should be admitting him right now and that he would let him know that I called. Also, C's grandpa said that C had to be pretty bad to admit that he needed help--which didn't help my nerves at all.
I have been praying and thinking about him all day. I am not sure how I am suppose to help him or how to be there for him when I am numerous hours away. I don't want to hinder his recovery at all and don't want to overcrowd him. He never told me to stay away in any sort. It's killing me knowing that my baby is in a white walled hospital room or where ever he is right now and I cannot be there to help him or support him. I want him to know that I love him too and that I am here for him if he needs me to be in shape or form--even if it means we can only be friends. I will do whatever I need to do in order for C to gain long-term clarity of mind.
If there is anyone out there that has made it to this point of my extremely long forum and has words of advise, scripture, quotes, etc., it would be greatly appreciated. Also, thank you for reading about C's and my story of love and hurdles. And have a wonderful day.
