Teenager Finds Stepmom Dead

[Sannetia]

About a year and a half ago I found my stepmom dead in her bed, all blue and with her eyes rolled back. I screamed after my dad and together we did everything we could to try and revive her. She did start breathing, but unfortunately her brain damage was so severe that she didn't survive and died at the hospital. I know I handled the situation well, but yet I remember being so afraid that I didn't do enough, and constantly thinking of whether it would have made a difference if I had found her a bit earlier. I felt so lonely because nobody really understood, so I had to fight this all by myself.

I stopped theraphy after a year because I was starting to feel a lot better, but now I'm really confused of whether I actually got over it. Today my psychology teacher in school taught us about anxiety and fear, and even though I don't have anxiety, the symptoms felt so real and I started to feel sick. He made us tell a friend in class about our biggest fear so I decided to just tell a new friend of mine about the incident with my stepmom. While telling her this I felt like having a mini panic attack - I had trouble breathing and my heart was racing. I didn't expect that to happen at all, and now I don't know if I should go back to therapy because I obviously isn't over it yet. I mean, I do think about what happened everyday, but I just never really talk to anyone about it. Maybe that is a mistake? Do you feel stressed when you tell someone about your trauma?

 

[Stickler]

If you can go back to therapy easily? It would probably be useful.

My thought would be to write down the whole incident, write ALL the details down, keep re-reading and adding details every day for a couple of months, and then maybe read that aloud to your therapist.

 

[Ronin]

I'd tell the teacher to be considerate of what she asks of students.

Maybe I just had good psych teachers that way, but their practices usually came with some sort of a disclaimer, optionality & the fact not everyone may be suited to go there with whatever they come up with, and that is okay.

Very sorry you're here, but glad you found us, & yep, your reactions are totally normal and common.

 

[journey31]

I agree that's a poor decision by the teacher. They don't know what traumas people have been though.
Going back to therapy is a good idea. All those feelings were brought back up.

And coming from a paramedic, there's nothing you could've done to change what happened. Don't blame yourself.

 

[Justmehere]

I'm so sorry for your loss. There really isn't anything else you could have done, and your sense of guilt is common among survivors of trauma.

The psychology teacher doesn't seem to know the psychology of trauma and phobias very well, and invited her class to become quite anxious. Unless this was a graduate level counseling course, the activity was inappropriate. Your response was within normal limits for an activity like that, and doesn't mean you absolutely need to go see a counselor.

It's really typical for someone to become anxious while talking about their worst fear, especially when it is related to a trauma. It's also common that symptoms will subside and them come up again later on with new triggers.

Effective trauma therapy doesn't generally make it feel ok or even neutral to talk about trauma. It can lead to that, but that's generally not the main sign of good successful therapy. It does keep the trauma from affecting daily life or preventing someone from doing what they want to do in life. That's the sign of successful trauma therapy.

If you feel like this fear or other symptoms are interrupting your daily life and keeping you from doing what you want to do in life, then it would be a good idea to go back to therapy. Returning back to therapy doesn't mean you failed, the therapy failed, or that you are not recovering, it just means you need some more support to work through this next season in recovering from what happened. That's all.

If the symptoms are only coming up when you are asked to talk about your worst fear, and that is not a major hindrance in your life, then it may be ok to see how things go and not go back to therapy just yet.

 

[HelloHello]

I disagree. The teacher probably was expecting things on the level of "I fear dying" or "I fear losing my home". I think we have no right to ask the world to change. It is our responsibility to manage our triggers. Most people wouldn't have a panic attack over naming their worst fear. I have PTSD and I wouldn't. Expecting the world to change for you is a slippery slope.

 

[SunflowerHoney]

Hi there. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. My brothers and I I witnessed our dad kill himself when we were kids. My twin and I were eight and our older brother was eleven. I relate to your feelings of guilt and blame. We were too afraid too call 911 so my older bro called our dad's friend. He came over and called 911. Sometimes I wonder if Dad would still be alive if we had called right away. These thoughts aren't easy to have--I understand what you're going through.

I agree with the other folks that suggested you try therapy again. If nothing else, a therapist should provide a safe place to talk about everything. And make sure your therapist is a good fit for YOU. It's very important to feel comfortable with the person you're sharing all of this with. I even recommend EMDR therapy for this. It helped me figure out a lot of feelings and thoughts that had been affecting me subconsciously.

Take care of yourself. Do what you need to do to heal and don't let people shame you for taking your time getting through this. Go at YOUR pace.

I'm here if you want to talk more.

XOXO,
SunflowerHoney

 

[Ronin]

I disagree. Expecting the world to change for you is a slippery slope.

Nobody is expecting the world to change. She is a psych teacher... hence she should comprehend fears are a serious business and she, from the position of responsibility, as both a teacher, and teacher of psych in particular, should not put people to unnecessary risk, that's hello, easily prevented by correct assesment & management of the class, where a word of warning would suffice.

What you just said is equivalent of a 'people aren't triggered by flashes, why it's such a big deal' of a photographer to a person with epilepsy. It's victim blaming and it's also incorrect, and easily prevented by a simple thing that's very well within the power of the person to fix.

 

[journey31]

I disagree. The teacher probably was expecting things on the level of "I fear dying" or "I fear losing my home". I t...

This isn't the world. This is a psychology class. This instructor actually has knowledge of what this type of question can do to people. This isn't the general public who doesn't know better.