Telling People

[gidge]

Was just curious do other people here tell their loved ones about the fact they have PTSD? My hubbie knows I have this but has never ever been emotionally supportive so is no surprise he hasn't taken the time to find out more about what I'm going through. However I have not told anyone else and this has been met with surprise from my therapist who can not believe I haven't told my parents.

I have limited friends and have chosen not to fill them in either as I didn't want to relive the trauma and guilt and their questions, however now I am isolated with my guilt and depression. I have an aunty who I adore who lives 5 hours north of me and I am wondering if I should open up and tell her, but then also wonder if she would care to know as she has her own family and grandchildren.

I feel so alone, and dread returning to work on Thurs as will have lots of questions to answer regarding my recent 2 week absence.

I realise that bottling all this up has certainly not helped and has lead to worsening PTSD symptoms but any-time I retell the story I end up in tears, and feel so so guilty about my involvement. I did open up to my old tutor about all of this 2 weeks ago, but haven't heard back from her since, and my counsellor after one session has told me she does not need to see me again, as I'm seeing a P. I've been told I need to increase my support network but I feel like no-one cares about me which is prob related to depression.

Anyway to cut a long story, have others told people about their trauma and PTSD and how was it received?

 

[AngelaMarie]

My hubby and my children are the only ones that know. I figure they are the most important. It seems that maybe you are ready to tell others??? If that is your decision, if that is what is best for you, go for it!!! You have nothing to be ashamed of. I wonder sometimes why we seem to feel guilty for having this illness?:(

 

[liv now]

I just realised no one in my life knows I have ptsd except my therapist. And I too feel guilty for having this illness. I would like to think that if people truly loved you they would support you. I know for me I fear rejection if I tell people and I don't want to be a burden. I don't have any experience at telling others, but I think you need to do what feels right for you, and AngelaMarie is right, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Take care, and thank you for sharing. You have helped me see that I have isolated myself for long enough!

 

[cherryblossom]

There is no reason to feel bad about PTSD. I'm not suggesting you shout it from the rooftops, because there will always be people with prejudices. But the more support and understanding you have, the better your chances of managing your symptoms. Your close family and friends are vital support. You never know until you tell. And quite frankly, close friends family and who dismiss or minimise your issues aren't worth it.

 

[Innordinate]

Only my family knows and probably only because I was still a kid when I was diagnosed and my step mother is a phsyciatrist otherwise... I don't think I would tell anyone. Not because I really care but ... where would that topic come up? And also. Outside of family and therapy I don't talk to anyone else.

 

[Reclusive]

I've told a few selected friends recently - but only when kinda pushed. Like, one friend wants to start a business and so I felt I had to explain to her that I had PTSD and couldn't really make long term commitments because I'm not sure I can keep them. No one's asked me where I got it, but if they did, I'd tell them I didn't want to talk about it. It's really none of their business and if anyone ever asks you a question, you have every right to tell them you don't want to answer it.

 

[ronin47]

The times I told people other than mental health professionals about my trauma were usually preceded by them telling me about some traumatic experience of their own. That made me more comfortable and at ease with opening up. There were some times where I felt compelled to just tell people point blank, and those were typically with my professors when I felt like my PTSD was affecting my performance in some way that they should know about. I've gotten comfortable with talking about it at this point.

As far as how they took it really the jarring or uncomfortable responses I've recieved have been minimal. Most of the time the people I tell have either personally experienced something similar or know someone who has. For instance, when I told my debate coach, he told me he had already pretty much connected the dots and figured something was not quite right with me because his own daughter struggles with depressive and anxiety disorders so he knew all the signs. Sometimes I see telling as a way of being helpful to others. Most people are dealing with their own struggles and fighting some kind of battle, and I feel like if I open up about my challenges that may help others to realize they are not alone in their pain and there are people out there who can relate.

 

[Bordo66]

I have only told a few people that I have PTSD, my parents are noy included. Beside from the psychologist & psychiatrist only 4-5 people know that I have PTSD and now im doing a internship abroad, I have to smile all the tome but its diffecult

 

[njray]

The more I have become educated the more I am willing to share my experiences about PTSD. I have not fully managed my ptsd symptoms but I am not afraid of PTSD anymore per se. I hate to admit this but in a way because of the sharing of information (especially the symptoms and understanding I am not crazy) from both here and other venues (T, Clergy and others) I feel not as hopeless as i once was. Crap sure i have along way to go a long way but if not for people willing to share who knows where i would be.

I will become an advocate for those with PTSD. I am not exactly sure how yet but in a small way I will give back.

 

[Kim]

In a strange kind of way I feel that the diagnosis of PTSD has both validated and vindicated me.

I'm the only one that my mother treated the way she did. My half brother and two half sisters feel that they have the most loving, supportive mother that ever walked the face of the earth. I was my mothers scapegoat. PTSD is my "normal" -- I've had it since I was a kid. My mother goes around telling people horrible lies about me. For whatever reason she doesn't want anyone to see any good in me. She also tells people that I was "difficult" as a child, as justification for the way she treated me. Twenty-two years ago I finally had enough and walked away from my mother and my entire family.

Thanks to Facebook my family began finding me (not that I was hiding) two years ago. Many of them are horrified that I will not allow my mother back in my life. Now that I have finally been diagnosed with CPTSD I can say to them "see, this is what she did to me". I'm tired of carrying around this deep dark family secret. I'm tired of my mother's lies. I'm tired of everyone seeing my mother as an angle and me the instigator of everything that went on in that house. I'm just plain tired of all of it.

I was a good kid. I didn't get into trouble and I did as I was told. I wasn't the best of students but I wasn't the worst either. I was your average kid and all I wanted was for her and my step father to love me the way they did my half brother and half sisters. I don't consider that being "difficult".

Yes, I am telling my family, what few I have contact with and even a few that I don't. I've told the ones who have turned their backs on me because I won't accept that "she did her best" and allow her back in my life again. It's my way of saying that I didn't deserve the treatment I received from her. It's my way of proving that she was in the wrong. If they accept it fine, if they don't I haven't lost anything I haven't had for the past 22 years.

 

[Sqweak]

When I was first diagnosed, I didn't tell anyone. Sense then there are two people who know but in my opinion. It’s not anyone else's business unless you're singing my paycheck or dealing with me at school it's a need to know thing at this point for me.

 

[Kim]

I understand that completely Sqweak. I haven't told everyone. What I said mostly applies to my family for the reasons I stated. I have no intention of telling my husband's side of the family because they'll see it as a weakness to be used against me. Other than my side of the family we have only told our kids and one close friend. I'm not walking around waving a banner that says "I have PTSD". lol

You also have to understand that I'm 52 years old and I've been living with the shame and guilt that there had to be something horribly wrong with me if my own mother couldn't love me. My father committed suicide when I was 2 so I also felt that he didn't care enough to hang around. Then there was my step father who wanted nothing to do with me. To me it was more than obvious that there must have been something wrong with me or that I must have done something horrible to deserve that kind of treatment from her. My situation is a lot different than most.

I've also been allowing people to think the worst of me and that my mother is right in what she says. How could I possibly prove her wrong? I've been carrying around the secret of how things were for me when I was growing up all these years and allowing people to believe her lies. I never told anyone because I felt that nobody would believe me. I'm tired of walking around with my head hung low in shame. I have nothing to be ashamed of. She was the one with the problem, not me and my diagnosis is proof of that in my mind.

To me telling my family is my way of putting the burden of proof in her lap where it belongs.