Terrified Of Having Flashbacks Around Young Child ... Advice?

[krikkit]

Hi all. I'm a little nervous to post, I know I'm very new. The reason I came here though is specifically for this question.

I am about to have my 10 year old half sister move back into the house where I am currently living. I mostly stay in the basement because it has been sound proofed and I can't hear cars or tires down here (some of my triggers). It's cool and silent. But I can't just hide down here when she moves in. She's very sweet, she loves me very much and she doesn't quite understand what PTSD is. To her, I get just angry and scared sometimes.

I have had a few flashbacks over the years. They are not quiet. Sometimes I jerk and try to kick a brake that isn't there, or scream and cry. Sometimes I scream at people to help me, but I don't always remember doing any of this. I know that I'm doing it, but I feel like I'm not me, like I'm not there. I don't know why I shout and make sound, I don't know why I lose control and cry - I've never met anyone else who does this in my support groups, and it makes me feel afraid that something is wrong with me. I became terrified of going into public after a woman in a Mall called an ambulance on me, thinking I had been attacked or hurt in the bathroom.

I am scared of what will happen if my youngest sister experiences what it's like when I have these flashbacks. I have had friends become detached and afraid to be around me because my behavior scared them so badly. The flashbacks are extremely rare, but I don't always know when they are coming and I don't know how to better channel the stress and anxiety into something less disturbing for people around me.

Does anyone have experiences like this? What have you done to help a young child understand something like this? I am so scared of terrifying her or making her think that I am hurt. I have not had a flashback in a while, but recently I've been going through a valley and feeling my symptoms worse than I usually do. I am at a loss and feeling scared and depressed about her arrival back home when I should be happy to see her again.

 

[Froggie]

I fully understand your fears. My first question is do you have a therapist ? This is essential as a T (for therapist) will help you evacuate and find some control for the flashbacks.

My grandchildren are triggers, especially when they were at diaper age as my PTSD is about pedophiles and human traffic of kids. Oddly enough, I found some super force surge up in me when I would be alone with the grand kids, but like I said, I had outside professional help to help me deal with my flashbacks and nightmares (Eurrkkk).

Hope this answers your question, and if you need to talk, let me know (((Kplan42)

 

[krikkit]

I do have a therapist. We've tried several different forms of therapy and are moving on to another soon, but I keep one main therapist all the time so we can track my progress. All of the therapies have been somewhat effective but the major issues never seem to go away. Due to a sudden allergy (Stephen-Johnsons syndrome, which is an auto-immune disorder you can get while taking certain medications) I had to stop effective medications and switch to a much more subtle type. While I am ok with that, since I don't want to be on heavy meds my entire life, I feel a lot less in control.

I will be sure to talk to the therapist about flashbacks and especially how I can get a handle on them. They feel so random and unfair, I wish there were just an A, B, C style list of things that set me off but I can't always tell what will. Thank you for the advice, I will give her a call today. It seems like an obvious answer but sometimes it's scary even just to call her and ask about this stuff.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Children are much more resilient than I felt I was as a child.

...and we are much less 'wiggy' looking than we often think we are.

There is a part of us that tends to modulate our responses until we are safe for us, and others.

Your isolating yourself from others is an example of that. That you are concerned means you already are far more caring and open than many adults she will interact with who consider themselves 'normal.'

As long as she is aware of what symptoms mean she needs to go to another part of the house and entertain herself...and that it is not her fault...I think you will find the small bits of joy that she brings into the home, and your life, will help your recovery immensely, and she will learn valuable lessons on compassion, self-care, and how to protect herself when she needs to. All good life lessons, there.

 

[krikkit]

I am afraid to explain to her what all a flashback might entail but you're right, it is probably a good idea to set up a plan for if one happens and tell her it's not her fault. Maybe we can practice what she needs to do and how she can tell if I'm hurt or just really scared.

 

[BloomInWinter]

My daughter is around that age. I don't explain what's actually going on in my head or calling them 'flashbacks', but we describe behaviors that can be observed by her as 'clues' that 'Mommy needs a time-out.' Examples for me have been 'Mommy starts getting louder' or 'Mommy starts shaking.'

As my ability to discern when I'm beginning to head down that road has gotten better, I'm able to call for that 'time-out' sooner in the process. ...and my kids are seeing less and less. Also, they've gotten better at just doing their own thing - within safe boundaries - to wait it out.

 

[heather q]

This doesn't answer your question, but it works for me, I have found that allowing the flashbacks, recognizing them as flashbacks, such as thinking, 'ah that one again,' 'this is familiar,' 'I know this one,' 'this is like that one,' and remembering that it's my mind working through stuff, and that it's a process, that it is going to continue because that is how it works.

When I started allowing the flashbacks they began to subside, they come and go, sometimes catch me off guard and I forget how to deal with them, basically I breathe into the 'scene' and allow it to come through, in the process of allowing it, I found the fear drops off, sometimes if I can, I start to count, to time the flashback and although they can be emotionally huge, time wise they are short, so I found I could wait them out.

The main idea is to take the fear out of flashbacks, the fear for me was more damaging, because I was so scared of what was happening and I was making it worse by being afraid.

Because I am now able to recognize it 'as a process' that needs to come through to enable healing, it just makes sense to me, to be as present as I can and accept the process for what it is, normal processing.

I would suggest you tell the child something to the effect that sometimes you go through some weird stuff that upsets you, and that you will be back to your usual self afterwards, and that it's just one of those things that happens, it's no big deal, that it happens to other people, and it's nothing for her to worry about, just let her know things will be alright, that it probably will happen again, that you're working at getting better.

I think that I would explain it as a dream that I don't like, that comes up, all of a sudden and I think I don't know what to do, but I do know what to do about it.

I have many different triggers, you mentioned noise, music, neighbors radio, I breathe into the sound, stay aware of what is going on within me, wait it out, when I've had enough, I get away where I can't hear it as badly, then I rest and let my body recover, it is exhausting, tiring and all consuming, I don't force myself any more, I used to try to make it go away, that makes it worse, I have to remember each time to allow it, just for this moment, each time.

wishing you well,

Heather

 

[krikkit]

Thanks BloominWinter and thank you to you too, Heather. I have quite a few triggers as well. As a result, I don't watch television or listen to the radio (although of course I allow everyone else to, I use earphones and the laptop or a book to ignore the screen if I need to be in the same room) and going outside is immensely difficult. Even just making phone calls can wipe me out for a day or two at a time, but things are slowly getting better.

I will try to see if I can "breathe" through the attacks or recognize them sooner. Sometimes they hit me so fast and so suddenly that I'm not sure what's happening around me. But working on getting enough control to just let them pass would be good.

Do you have any suggestions for how to just let the flash back happen? Especially if other people are around? It panics and upsets me to have people ask what's wrong if I suddenly begin to enter a panic attack, although I know it shouldn't. With flash backs, I've never tried just letting them pass, but it scares me to think that someone might start to pry or demand to know what's happening while I'm trying to just let them be. I'm guessing it probably takes time to recognize them and say "oh, it's you" instead of reacting the way I can.

 

[heather q]

I think once you decide on how to react you will react that way: decide what you want to do, just notice, that is all you need to do, when you notice you will be aware of it happening, then you will see it as 'just a flashback' that it is going to quit, when it quits it quits and that is all it does.

They are more scary than they need to be because they are unknown and we attach beliefs or meaning to them and about them. A flashback is a flashback, it has no meaning it just is.

It is nobody's business what is going on with you, nobody has the right to pry, it's not useful to you to explain to someone else and absolutely not necessary. If you like, say I've got something on my mind, which is true. I don't need to talk about it right now.

Just notice the flashback, don't think about it, go into a welcome mode, recognizing it for what it is, it is not now, it cannot hurt you, only what you think it represents causes you trouble. Label it, don't think about it, that one, that one again, some by colors, dark, heavy, bright, green, some sort of filing system, not serious, not remembering, just a quick notification and breathe and sigh

The flashback isn't the problem, it is the meaning that you put on the flashback that is the problem, take the meaning away and the impact of the flashback disperses.

Heather

 

[Horst]

My 'crisis' involved factors similar to those mentioned here. Strangely enough, my underlying, anticipatory anxiety is rooted in a speech impediment, learned from my mother, as a child. Because it isn't readily apparent, in my ordinary, verbal communications, I adapted to it, figured out ways to speak around it, hid it from others, and never sought therapy for it, all the while worsening the anxiety disorder it instilled within me. Everything combined to sack me, in Dec. '97. Now I have PTSD from the melt-down, on top of everything else. I know what you folks are going through. I emphathize deeply.

 

[heather q]

Thank you Horst, it ain't easy, that's for sure...

 

[krikkit]

Thank you, Horst. I'm not happy to hear other people ever have to go through anything similar to me, but the support helps a lot. I hope you find ways to cope. That's my goal, and I am going to work hard at it.