Terrified Of Having Flashbacks Around Young Child ... Advice?

[Dorrie]

Can't know if this is of any use but... I was widowed raising 3 on my own and had to explain it somehow. I didn't understand it myself yet... but by the time mine were 10 they understood that 'mom's turning into a werewolf and will be out when she turns back'. I didn't go into details of how hopeless and threatened I felt or what I was afraid of. I just stopped talking (sometimes in the middle of a word), went to my room and locked the door. They understood it wasn't about them, they had no control, I had no control and it would be over when it was over and not dwelt on afterward. Sometimes I melted into a heap of fear in front of them but handling it factually afterward seemed to take the steam out of things... Then get on with 'real' things.

 

[BloomInWinter]

On letting a flashback happen...

This has been a difficult journey for the moderate-good success I have had. It began to get better for me with a simple but difficult meditation to expand my distress tolerance.

I'd sit quietly, with my eyes closed, and just think about something that was moderately distressing. My tolerance for this activity is like a new balloon...the first few puffs don't expand the inner space much. But as it gets more flexible through continued effort, it gets easier to hold more and more.

Now, I can envision the space for distress as being as vast and limitless as the ocean.

That's when I recognize it. Sometimes it's well into the flashback before I even realize it. But my family does and takes action to get the kids away, and my hubby now can speak in a way that brings me back.

It is a skill, and can be learned. It does take lots of practice.

 

[deepwaters]

I think it will indeed be helpful for her to understand what might happen. You don't want to go into details how what you are feeling, but she needs to not be caught off guard. She also needs to know what to do in this situation, and the best thing she can do is to take care of herself. Let her know that she can go to another room, put on head phones, go find a trusted neighbor etc.... This is so she can know that she is not suppose to take care of you. You can tell her this this is like any other medical problem, but that you are not in any danger and she doesn't need to call 911 or anything.