@bitterfight_ I also lied for my mother and father. I was ashamed and I was an only child as well. At that point in time I did not how to open up or who to turn to and I felt that if I left my parents I would be too vulnerable, alone, and that I would be overwhelmed. But if you feel like you have to lie for them and that you cannot betray them, by lying about such things you betray yourself. If your parents are making your life this miserable and needlessly difficult, you clearly do not want to live with. And in that case the best thing you can do is try to do something about it.
I understand what you mean about finances and there's no arguing with that. Obviously the only solution seems like finding a higher paying job that would work for you and that is difficult. You could just scout out apartments for their prices and get an idea of what things cost in the areas around you. You could get lucky and find something affordable and you could get a higher paying job. I understand that your life is difficult right now and it all seems impossible to escape. I am sorry about what happened with your T and I realize you feel terrible. Just remember that although its difficult, it is not impossible. It may not happen, but it could happen. Alternatively you could look for a job that pays more and save up money while you are at home, then you could plan to leave after a year rather than stay with them for two more years.
I think that you should read Breaking Down the Wall of Silence: the Liberating Experience of Facing the Painful Truth by Alice Miller. I kind of get the impression there is a co-dependent relationship and that you sort of enable them in some ways so you could look into a book about coependence as well. That might be at least a place to start.
As far not thriving in new environments, I think that is in your head. Some new environments are bad and that can be exhausting but because you have not liked that feeling before, this time it could be entirely different. There is so much that you could do differently in the peace and quiet of your own apartment. I think you could thrive if you had some privacy and independence.
I understand what you mean about finances and there's no arguing with that. Obviously the only solution seems like finding a higher paying job that would work for you and that is difficult. You could just scout out apartments for their prices and get an idea of what things cost in the areas around you. You could get lucky and find something affordable and you could get a higher paying job. I understand that your life is difficult right now and it all seems impossible to escape. I am sorry about what happened with your T and I realize you feel terrible. Just remember that although its difficult, it is not impossible. It may not happen, but it could happen. Alternatively you could look for a job that pays more and save up money while you are at home, then you could plan to leave after a year rather than stay with them for two more years.
I think that you should read Breaking Down the Wall of Silence: the Liberating Experience of Facing the Painful Truth by Alice Miller. I kind of get the impression there is a co-dependent relationship and that you sort of enable them in some ways so you could look into a book about coependence as well. That might be at least a place to start.
As far not thriving in new environments, I think that is in your head. Some new environments are bad and that can be exhausting but because you have not liked that feeling before, this time it could be entirely different. There is so much that you could do differently in the peace and quiet of your own apartment. I think you could thrive if you had some privacy and independence.
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