Thank you now f@#k off

[IamFree]

Always grateful to learn about my self from people although for it to happen in a judgmental way is the hardest

A colleague labled me as precious today which to be honest is not really something you want to be called..well its just another word for perfectionist ( an insulting one to )which I am well aware is a big coping mechanism for me. I am just perfectionist by default really , I feel like I have always been this way as my family of origin could be very critical of who I was and being of a sensitive disposition I think magnified it. its like my nervous system is just intristiclly built around perfectionism to be judged by it has left me in awful pain because I cant just stop being perfectionist over night , it just asking me to stop being who I am, because the feelings undernearth are just unbearable, the emptiness and pain and brokenness ...I think the worst pain of all is not knowing who I was or am without this.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I hear ya'. I'm highly sensitive to damn near everything thanks to always being made to feel like I never lived up to expectations from birth on up. Not sure what the work environment is like, or how engaging the co-workers usually are, and I don't mean to down play your situation at all, I just tend to use humor every chance I get, especially with those I feel are looking down on me.

If I can't laugh at the shit I'm dealt at the hands of others ignorance, be it willful or not, I suffer great consequences in one form or another, most especially in my thoughts and emotions about myself. If I can't laugh my way through it, then I try to educate my way through it, if I can't educate self or others, then I just have to, once again, dive deep within to find the same ol' roots and start digging until I can release it or until I exhaust myself, whichever comes first. Other days, I just want to slap the taste out of the mouth of whoever hurts my feelings, but luckily haven't acted on that one, nor do I want to. That would hurt my hand. lol

Could you possibly flip the definition of precious, if only in your own mind, and somehow thank them for kindly regarding you as being so cherished in the workplace, instead of accepting the meaning as purposely pointing at you as being a perfectionist, even if that was their intent? Is your style of working being labeled as problematic by upper management staff and putting your employment in jeopardy? If so, I'd try my best to let them know your brain is simply wired to work a certain way that seemed to be acceptable up until now, and ask for specifics as to how they feel you need to alter your methods. If not, screw their opinion. Much easier said than done, for sure, but just a thought.

Hope your day and the workplace encounters get kinder. Peace.

 

[IamFree]

Thanks great advice especially about educating my self. I have hated this person today but i am trying to view her as a gift from the universe to bring in to my awareness something i needed to realise..like the saying goes the truth hurts and the more it hurts the bigger the problem it obviously is in my life and hell did it hurt. perfectionism is a very toxic influence on so many layers of my exsistance and I beleive educating my self on this could open many channels of healing for me.