D
Deleted member 20280
I don't have these that often now and when I have my normal flashbacks I will not post them here or bring them up, this because of reaction I have had in the past when I do. I have been so taken aback with the support I have had today from members on here I simply want to make a public thank-you.
I am not Santa Claus, I am just Laurie.
Oh and Little_Laurie, and then there is that side of me that blows up and destroys everything he touches, the Bastard in me. Well he is the me that destroyed my entire life last year, it has taken me a long time to find him and save Little_Laurie. But I did and he (Little_Laurie) is my main priority when it comes to inner conflict. That Bastard will never take over my life again. I am in control now and not that side of me.
When I had my intrusive memory flashback last Thursday it literally caught me off guard. I went mentally BANG. I went so deep I had a full memory recount in a split second, every detail, where people were at the time in the house, right down to the date, time of day and what was being cooked for tea that day.
I have now been told that I am not to disclose trauma details so I won't !!
Well this one had me 95000 feet above the earth free falling through glue struggling to breath.
I am fine, Little_Laurie is tired and having a rest, that other un-nameable twat has shut up at last, and I hope he stays that way as well. I am hyper to the core however still and can't stop grinding my teeth. I can't open my mouth wide enough to eat a sandwich.
Laurie is good at grounding unless someone wakes that Bastard in me, then I struggle. My flash last week was rather unpleasant and enraged that side of me somewhat dramatically.
Being told not to disclose and expose myself to the trauma has caused a huge conflict in me. My Diagnosing T gave me certain techniques to get me back on track, ergo disclose and expose to myself, deal, then process and let go. It can be hard but I will say it works. That coupled with the warrior program have saved my life. I have been thrown a wobble spanner today. I apologise for spooking the forum out today. I could not get back myself and needed you all and I am so grateful for everyone who stepped up and grounded me. Believe me even for my 68 words a minute typing skills, having 4 simultaneous conversations both on and off forum were damn hard to keep up with :)
Any way @anthony and @Nicolette yet again. Thank-you for creating a safe and welcoming forum where people literally can come to get support. I am here to support anyone who asks, anyone!
Some times and I accept they are few and far between nowadays, unfortunately I still need that support as well. Anyway, bottom line is this, the last 5 days have been a proper trip out of my head, wired 24/7, no sleep and unable to eat properly. Listening to my Inner Child sobbing for me to hug him all day has damn near send me off the edge again. Balanced with that Bastard wanting me to flip big time!.
Without you peeps in this forum I probably would not have grounded at all let alone within 5 days.
Right then, thank-you ladies (all 4 of you, and you know who you are) I will not name and shame :D
Santa_Laurie and Little_Laurie (who is fast asleep and had his milk, cookies and bedtime story) and is snoozing softly, want to thank Little_Laurie Ladies for all they did for both of them today.
That Bastard is well and truly caged again and I hope this time may stay locked away longer as I become better at grounding myself.
If I have to knock him out one more time I may end up with a sore chin just like I did last year.
:hug:s Love and thank-you to so many good friends I now have and consider proper friends right her on this forum.
Laurie and Little_Laurie
:) :D
I am not Santa Claus, I am just Laurie.
Oh and Little_Laurie, and then there is that side of me that blows up and destroys everything he touches, the Bastard in me. Well he is the me that destroyed my entire life last year, it has taken me a long time to find him and save Little_Laurie. But I did and he (Little_Laurie) is my main priority when it comes to inner conflict. That Bastard will never take over my life again. I am in control now and not that side of me.
When I had my intrusive memory flashback last Thursday it literally caught me off guard. I went mentally BANG. I went so deep I had a full memory recount in a split second, every detail, where people were at the time in the house, right down to the date, time of day and what was being cooked for tea that day.
I have now been told that I am not to disclose trauma details so I won't !!
Well this one had me 95000 feet above the earth free falling through glue struggling to breath.
I am fine, Little_Laurie is tired and having a rest, that other un-nameable twat has shut up at last, and I hope he stays that way as well. I am hyper to the core however still and can't stop grinding my teeth. I can't open my mouth wide enough to eat a sandwich.
Laurie is good at grounding unless someone wakes that Bastard in me, then I struggle. My flash last week was rather unpleasant and enraged that side of me somewhat dramatically.
Being told not to disclose and expose myself to the trauma has caused a huge conflict in me. My Diagnosing T gave me certain techniques to get me back on track, ergo disclose and expose to myself, deal, then process and let go. It can be hard but I will say it works. That coupled with the warrior program have saved my life. I have been thrown a wobble spanner today. I apologise for spooking the forum out today. I could not get back myself and needed you all and I am so grateful for everyone who stepped up and grounded me. Believe me even for my 68 words a minute typing skills, having 4 simultaneous conversations both on and off forum were damn hard to keep up with :)
Any way @anthony and @Nicolette yet again. Thank-you for creating a safe and welcoming forum where people literally can come to get support. I am here to support anyone who asks, anyone!
Some times and I accept they are few and far between nowadays, unfortunately I still need that support as well. Anyway, bottom line is this, the last 5 days have been a proper trip out of my head, wired 24/7, no sleep and unable to eat properly. Listening to my Inner Child sobbing for me to hug him all day has damn near send me off the edge again. Balanced with that Bastard wanting me to flip big time!.
Without you peeps in this forum I probably would not have grounded at all let alone within 5 days.
Right then, thank-you ladies (all 4 of you, and you know who you are) I will not name and shame :D
Santa_Laurie and Little_Laurie (who is fast asleep and had his milk, cookies and bedtime story) and is snoozing softly, want to thank Little_Laurie Ladies for all they did for both of them today.
That Bastard is well and truly caged again and I hope this time may stay locked away longer as I become better at grounding myself.
If I have to knock him out one more time I may end up with a sore chin just like I did last year.
:hug:s Love and thank-you to so many good friends I now have and consider proper friends right her on this forum.
Laurie and Little_Laurie
:) :D
