The anger just gets worse

[Punky143]

My husband is correct: he can't say anything critical to me or I'll flip out. Little does he know my angry part comes out and now its fight or flight. He doesn't allow me to leave and then I'm taken over. Its as if I can feel anger running through my blood and things get thrown. I'm screaming at times, out of control and I hate it. All of it. Always on guard. Unable to handle being around others. I hope it ends because I have so little left. In the rage I guess I scratched myself, on the face and neck. Emotions flood every part of me and all I can hear is what a rotten person I am. Self deprecate. And I'm miserable

 

[BlueOrange]

Is there something physical you can redirect the energy into?

Is it an option to feel the anger without acting on the anger?

 

[Punky143]

I can't control myself when I get that way and unfortunately I ran my fingernails down my face and chest multiple times...not my best

 

[BlueOrange]

MAYBE (as an experiment, if you think it might work) you could practice a similar gesture using the soft parts of your fingers. If you do that at times when you're not angry, or only mildly annoyed, it MIGHT become available as an option when you're not in control.

Controlling the rage for me is like controlling a flash flood: there is nothing I can do at the time that it strikes. However, when the flood isn't rampaging through, that's my opportunity to get the bulldozer out and create new drainage passages, reshape things to try and persuade the flood to take an easier, less damaging path.