Relationship The Beginning Of The End

[kacee129]

My boyfriend (sufferer) is finally making arrangements to move back to Vegas. I know he hasn't wanted to leave but I have been giving him subtle reminders. I think he now realizes that I am serious about him leaving. It doesn't mean I don't care about him. It means I can no longer live with him and his untreated PTSD. I can no longer walk on eggshells. I can no longer listen to the rants and angry outbursts. He refuses to get treatment and that is his choice. If it was another woman I could and would fight. But I'm on the loosing end when it's PTSD that is the third wheel in our relationship. Maybe he will hit a bottom where he will seek out help, but in my heart I know it won't happen. He (and I) is 64. And like he says maybe he is too old to change.

I hope he doesn't hate me for my decision. I wanted to be his partner and grow "older" together. I know he wanted (wants) to be with me too. But I didn't want us to continue to a point where there was no love left.

Thanks for listening (reading) - I just needed to get it out there. Happy Holidays All.

 

[nursenurse]

I lost my guy to another woman, and honestly, you wouldn't want to fight for that either, lol.

I am sorry that things are working this way, but there comes a time where you need peace. He is making his decision. If he was trying, it would be a different thing, although that is still no guarantee of a happy outcome, but it is motivating.

You can't worry about him hating you. You are doing what is best all around, you ran the risk of being co-dependent, and that is unhealthy and unsustainable as well.You never know what will happen in the future, but you need to get on with life and be happy. I know where you are coming from. And it will get better with our friend, Time. Hugs, and I hope you managed to enjoy Christmas a little, may the New Year bring you peace and hope. Amen.

 

[kacee129]

@nursenurse - I can totally relate to the "other woman" - I divorced my husband because of that...he would have been perfectly happy to stay married to me and have her (and their child) on the side. Its just that people can "see" what is going on in that situation. My boyfriend (sufferer - I have to stop calling him my boyfriend) is very personable in public. So outsiders don't see the real him. And the co-dependant part? sorry to say that yes that is me in the past. So this time around I have been as deligent as I can be to make sure I don't fall into that hole again. Maybe I have over done it? But I don't think so. Thank you for you encouragement. And hugs to you too.

 

[nursenurse]

A little hypervigilance for us now. We have to protect our own hearts, PTSD or not. And really, you don't owe anyone any kind of explanation, unless you want to. Those closest to you likely know. Those who aren't well, too bad!

 

[dimplesg520]

@kacee129 I know that it is going to be very hard for you to see him move back and to let go of what you guys had for now. But I think that ultimately, it will be for the best. Like I've said before, hopefully this will be enough for him to wake up and do the things he needs to do to change. But if not, then you still have put an end to it before your life and your identity is in shambles. 64 is NOT "too old" to change! Read a quote the other day that said "it is never to late to become the person you want to be." Very true, and we are all here for you as you go through this hard time. I also know what it's like to have your partner be nice and normal in public, and everyone kind of looks at you like "why are you being so mean saying he does this and this?!" But they don't have to go back home with him and see how he acts in private to just you, so they don't really get to have much of an opinion.

I struggle with co-dependency too, but my new year's resolution is to get back to the doing the things I love and talking to my friends more. I have isolated from them partly because I'm embarrassed and I don't think they will understand, and partly because it's just so much to share with other people sometimes. But I know that in order to get myself better and keep it there, I need to open up and have other relationships with people. Perhaps you could work on that too, just to try to start healing as soon as possible. Hang in there.