The Dbt Skills Workbook

[DharmaGirl]

I am also working through the workbook on my own, I got stuck so maybe I will hang out with you guys and get through it.

 

[Chosen]

What workbook are you all talking about? Is it on Amazon or are you speaking generally about a type of book?

 

[Hashi]

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & Distress Tolerance by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood, Jeffrey Brantley.

You can get it from Amazon and other places.

:)

 

[Hashi]

I'm wondering whether to give up on self soothing altogether. I have so few self soothing things, and they only seem to help when I feel low to medium bad. When I feel very bad, they seem pointless.

Distractions work better. I think that's because they're closer to avoidance/denial/numbing out. They're only meant to be temporary, though, and I wonder if I'm starting to make them a substitute avoidance so I'll never really have to deal with the most difficult emotions and thoughts.

I can see that the distractions are also about trying to make life a bit better, like doing the pleasurable things and getting through chores. Obviously, that's good. But it bothers me that I don't seem to be able to soothe myself. I feel like if I could learn this I could move forward more. I really need to.

Will have to talk to T...

 

[NarcSis]

I used to do very simplistic self soothing measures during my early stages when I'd be on the verge of losing it, things like curling up in a ball and rocking, sucking my thumb, hugging a fluffy blanket/teddy bear.

It seemed stupid at first and I felt bad for having to be so infantile, it made me feel weak, but then I stopped fighting it and just let it soothe me without the guilt/negative judging.

Soothing is designed to calm you, but as adults it's hard to accept that we need soothing.

There has to be something that you find even remotely soothing, no guilt.

 

[anthony]

Hashi, distraction is acceptable to a point, ie. you aren't using it to avoid something. If you have tackled a personal issue beyond doubt, trying to resolve it, then you aren't in denial when using distraction, nor are you avoiding the issue. Distraction under that example is used to get your mind away from a negative that cannot currently be solved, towards a positive that snaps your brain out of it.

 

[maddog]

Just wanted to comment that I also have huge difficulty figuring out what and how to soothe myself. It seems like such a natural concept to so many people, and I hear about so many common strategies and activities that seem to work well for others. And yet none of them really impact me when I am critically distressed, or, quite honestly, even when I'm not. It's as though that tender feeling part of me has died, or has at least lost the ability to communicate its experiences to the rest of me, and so even things that seem intellectually to be soothing and pleasureable, really don't *feel* that way on an emotional level to me.

Often the best I can aim for is a slight cessation in the pressure of the distress, and often this can be achieved only through limiting stimulation altogether, or, sadly, sometimes just with the passing of time.

I worry a lot about this, wonder what's wrong with me that such a basic skill of survival and self-nurturance feels so dead within me. Have I just not found my perfect strategy? Or is it possible to truly be unsootheable.

I wish I knew.

Maddog

 

[Hashi]

I wanted to come back to this because I've actually found something that's soothing for me!

It was one of my T's suggestions to see if there was an audiobook that I'd find soothing to listen to. I wasn't sure because I like audiobooks but as a distraction. I'm always distracting rather than soothing. I take anthony's point that distraction has it's place, and I completely agree. At the same time I really want/need to learn some self-nurturing skills as well.

Then I thought about recordings of poems, and I found an MP3 of my favourite poem being read beautifully and just how I "hear" it myself. Luckily, it's a very long poem and the recording is even longer because it's with music and slightly dramatised, so it's about half an hour altogether.

After hearing the sample and buying it, I downloaded it into iTunes then never listened to it. Ahem.

BUT while having a horribly bad time a couple of weeks ago I tried listening to it, and it helped to ease my feelings. Then about 15 minutes in there was a shift and suddenly I felt so calm. I actually felt soothed. I think it worked for me partly because of the poem itself (which has a lot of meaning for me personally, and which I think is absolutely beautiful) and partly because although it's story-like and I'm being read to, it has no child associations because people don't generally read grown-up poems to children.

I've been listening to it a bit since, and I'm going to see if there are any other recordings of poems that I might like. I can't believe I've found anything so soothing. Who'd have thought?! And when I really, really needed it.

 

[Hashi]

I worry a lot about this, wonder what's wrong with me that such a basic skill of survival and self-nurturance feels so dead within me. Have I just not found my perfect strategy? Or is it possible to truly be unsootheable.

MD, it's not something wrong with you, it's something you were never taught.

I'm not sure we can get to the same place with self-soothing as someone who grew up with it, but I think that's true for a lot of things for trauma survivors. It doesn't mean that what we can reach is less, just that it's different. And difficult, unfortunately. But we're so much in need of soothing, I think all of us must be soothable.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & Distress Tolerance by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood, Jeffrey Brantley.

Whoops. I thought you were referring to the original DBT book by Marsha Linehan. That's the book I have, although it's geared towards therapists and not patients. I have Linehan's book, but not the workbook.

 

[Chosen]

What poem is it? I love poems...I like writing them a lot too.

 

[Hashi]

...the original DBT book by Marsha Linehan. That's the book I have, although it's geared towards therapists and not patients.

The workbook is much easier to go through by yourself in steps. Sometimes I think it tries to oversimplify things, though, like the initial section on radical acceptance which I found really unhelpful. I have the Marsha Linehan book as well, and I find it useful to look at that as well because it sometimes explains things better, especially the philosophy behind it.