To tell you the truth, it's the lack of honesty, accountability and her knee-jerk denialist habit, that makes relationship with her intolerable. My ex is the same. They can't admit fault. My mum is not so bad, she will wring her hands kind of thing, but it's just the kind of admission that feels like pity-me emotional manipulation, so I still resent it. I know she's a bit scared-guilty when It comes to me, but, really, just admitting you've hurt someone and you're sorry, is really all that's required, to start to repair the relationship, as long as it's genuine remorse. I just know that I'm going to be the one that is all in the wrong, and "crazy" because I've not responded. I'm operating on what she taught me as a child "if you can't say anything "nice" don't say anything at all." That's what she wants so, really, I'm just being respectful of her wishes. There, I needed to remind myself of that. I feel better about myself now. I twist myself in knots thinking about having to talk to her at all. 44 years of someone relating to you in a way that causes you misery, is enough. I'm sorry Ma, I am not "the strong one" anymore. I'm not the "nice one", I'm just an unwell lady with a severe and chronic stress disorder that's inflamed my brain, doing my best to be here for my kids.