The journey begins ... or continues ... articulating the rollercoaster that is my life

[Swift]

If they can't drug it, chop it, sew it, kill it, or label it, t

This had me almost rolling on the floor laughing with the accuracy.

It's utterly natural to want your diagnosis official and validated by medicos.

It also may totally be a pipe dream - not because you don't have HFA, but because it's not possible to meet the criteria

Diagnosis doesn't always equal the best treatment. It's an imperfect art and.... Designed by the medical establishment

 

[mumstheword]

This had me almost rolling on the floor laughing with the accuracy.

It's utterly natural to want your diagnosis official and validated by medicos.

It also may totally be a pipe dream - not because you don't have HFA, but because it's not possible to meet the criteria

Diagnosis doesn't always equal the best treatment. It's an imperfect art and.... Designed by the medical establishment

Well that's a bit rich isn't it? Because they knew shit all about HFA when I was a struggling teen, I miss out on getting my correct diagnosis? I don't care about treatment, I've done plenty of stuff to get me to where I am today. I just want the correct diagnosis.

I'm just going to be a broken record then, keep telling all the relevant people Hi, I'm Neri, I'm on the spectrum. Yeah I had to figure it out myself coz the medical system is too imperfect and I was born too early, they didn't have the knowhow when I needed it the most, but I ended up figuring it out myself. Lucky I'm one of those "highly intelligent" Aspies who researches and thinks for myself or I'd still be being f*cked over even more, thinking I was a totally incorrect and/or incomplete comorbidity and being given entirely inappropriate treatments and going bonkers and being stuck, with too little knowledge about how to manage my sensory processing issues and rhe challenges it creates. Them's the breaks when you're poor, and didn't get family support and the medical establishment can't be trusted it "get it right" or give any amount of shits.

 

[Swift]

Yeah the establishment f*cking sucks.
It may be possible but -
Whether you do or don't end up with a Proper Diagnosis™, your Asperger's/autism is totally valid and totally a thing.

 

[mumstheword]

Yeah the establishment f*cking sucks.
It may be possible but -
Whether you do or don't end up with a Proper Diagnosis™, your Asperger's/autism is totally valid and totally a thing.

Thanks Swift :-) I was talking to my guy about it today and he said "It doesn't matter what they think. They don't know you. Have they met your parents? I have and your Dad is Aspie as f*ck and I know you are, you know you are, so don't worry about it".
I had to agree with him.
I am obsessive about it at the moment.


I've met two Aspie/HFA women.in here in the last couple of days. One I had met previously but she hadn't been diagnosed then.. Both of them finally got diagnosed, recently. It was really great to talk to them. I get a lot of relief and comfort and validation talking to them.

Most of the people in TDU (trauma and dissociation unit) have DID. I get on fine with them all, but I don't have DID.

I might be diagnosable with DD NOS, but apparently they have taken that out of the DSM manual now. I'm not sure what they replaced it with. Also, apparently the British mental health system don't believe that DID is a thing. So yeah, how can.we put our faith in such whimsical, authoritarian, ever-changing systems that deny so many people's reality ?
Sometimes they are useful and helpful and sometimes not.
I guess take what resonates and has enough evidence to back it up and discard what doesn't.

 

[mumstheword]

So, apparently, I am considered (by these two trauma-informed pdocs) "too warm" for them to seriously consider me being on the AS, and instead, they think I might have DID.

That knocked me for six.

I know I'm somewhat dissociative and suspected I could be diagnosed with DD NOS, but not DID.

So confused.

My pdoc has suggested I get MRI and an EEG scans. So, I guess we'll know more about the possible ASD if we go down that route. She said I could have "traits" and otherwise my symptoms could all be put down as being development, etc trauma-related.

So yeah, heaps wobbly this morning after that news. Much uncertainty and a possible DID diagnosis, which scares the living shit out of me.

 

[littleoc]

Here’s a hug for you: :hug:

 

[mumstheword]

Here’s a hug for you: :hug:

Thank you darling @littleoc .
I'm feeling sooky and wobbly about the DID thing. It's probably true. You guys know I've talked about parts and even "Aspie Me". Still, now that the diagnosis is being properly considered, it's got me shakey as hell.
@Swift, it looks like we have even more in common than I thought.
I want to cry, shut down, melt into a huddled mess; so vulnerable.

Oh well, at least I have good and amazing support here.

You know who you are.

I've been.selfish and neglectful lately and I'm sorry.

DID??????? Yep, like you @Swift, the idea has me floored.

I'm still gonna follow up experts in AS as I am sure I'm HFA but, at the same time, could that be a "parts" thing?

So many unknowns.

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Not knowing wobbles me badly, sometimes.
I'm dealing less well with uncertainty than I used to, or maybe not; I feel like I don't know anything certain about myself anymore.

 

[mumstheword]

I did a fun creative therapies collage thing about identity, this morning :-) and a decent gym routine.

 

[Freida]

Not knowing wobbles me badly, sometimes.
I'm dealing less well with uncertainty than I used to

Or maybe this is such a HUGE uncertainty that it's harder to deal with than other things? If that makes sense? And even if it turns out to be DID that just means we have more of you to love! :hug:

 

[mumstheword]

And this was part of my "things not known about myself, neither to myself and other's.

So far to go, on my journey, and I know not, where it will take me...

 

[mumstheword]

Or maybe this is such a HUGE uncertainty that it's harder to deal with than other things? If that makes sense? And even if it turns out to be DID that just means we have more of you to love! :hug:

That's probably true. DID feels waaay more unpredictable, out-of-control and scarier to consider too.

 

[mumstheword]

Ggggggrrrrrr I'm so frustrated! My psych thinks I'm "too warm". I'm not, I'm honestly not. And even if I am a "warm person" I really don't think that would exclude me from a sensory processing condition like HFA/Aspergers.
I'm so effing good at "faking" and hiding but not good enough at anything to be able to get anywhere without huge assistance. She honestly doesn't know how hopelessly inept and retarded and loopy and debilitated I actually am. How much I've struggled and studied to "appear" as social and "warm" as I do to her, and how I can't maintain it or feel much depth of it, for anyone who doesn't return that warmth or isn't my offspring.

I'm a mirror; monkey see monkey do. I'm a mimic, an actor, a fake, a frightened retarded child scared into pretending to be likable and friendly and compliant and "warm".

Absence of warmth does not a autistic make and warmth doesn't exclude one from autism, is my opinion. I need to seek an informed second opinion, I'm sure she is under false impressions about people with HFA lacking warmth, especially us "good-at-faking" females.