The Last Words I'll Ever Hear?

[Nepheli]

What i was trying to express above is that i wish i could have got rid of my hurt and anger at my neglectful parents. I also wish i was able to forgive them. I m so sorry but perhaps i ll never reach that level of spiritual maturity.
What i absolutely believe is that it's not me but God, universe, whatever is called that will judge them, some day after their passing.
Not reminding her of her horrible mistakes against me -at her age ofcourse- is already a goodwill gesture. Apart from that i cannot believe that a very old person, especially while dying is in a position to change their mind pathways and suddenly feel empathy. Even if it was possible i doubt whether i would make such a present to the woman who just, once upon a time gave birth to me.
Sorry for been so bitter. Still -and at last!- so angry!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I have thought about calling her but I am afraid I will only end up more hurt. So I have been thinking about writing her a letter telling her exactly what I think about her, but because she is dying of heart failure I am afraid that would be the final push. I just can't leave thing the way they are or I will have one more stinky one to add to the shit pile of regret.

My mom's last actual spoken words to me were "you were such a horrible kid that you made me want to slit my wrists to get away from you. You deserve to starve". In my first apartment when I had no food.

When she was dying recently, the entire family pushed me to go see her. "All she wants to do is say she loves you." Sure! *eye roll*

Now im a horrible person because I didnt go be at my dying mother's side.

My point? What would you get out of seeing her besides more " you were/are horrible"?

A letter to say "this happened" and it did "this to me" would be ok but we are talking about her last words to you so are you looking for a response from her?

 

[scout86]

I'm giving another vote for "she's not likely to change". Before you decide what to do, ask yourself if you want to see her in that case.

 

[Fadeaway]

I have no interest in seeing her. Even if I wanted to, I would have no way to get there. I am just so haunted by her last words already.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I am just so haunted by her last words already.

Why do they have that power to haunt you?

You dont have to answer that unless you want to.

 

[joeylittle]

I am just so haunted by her last words already.

Nothing to say to challenge this - just wanted to say, I understand. I'm sorry for what you are going through right now.

 

[Sammyiam]

Fade, wow I read this and thought how similar can it be you and me. My mum died of heart failure and her last words to me were ..... Are you still here go home ! And in the hospital she would introduced me to the nurses as .... This is my youngest I don't know what went wrong with this one. It's been just over a year now and they still haunt me. I wish I had words to make everything better fade, but as I sit here I struggle to give you advice on how to make it better. What I think has helped me get through is the fact that I have done everything I could to have been there for her but it was her that wasn't willing to come and be a mother to me. We can only do so much, like you fade it is with her all the shit that she has put on you. They are the grown ups who didn't look after us properly. The words that come or came out of their mouths is on them fade not us. It has taken me a year to work that out. Write down what you are feeling and try and put your emotions into text, then you can sit back and look at it and work out from there what to do. You can just burn it, post it, rip it into a thousand pieces whatever it takes to make it a little better in your head and your thinking. I'm sorry I don't have a magic wand to make it all go away for you fade.

Take care

Sammy

 

[lostforgottensoul]

has to do with minimizing future regret.

I want as much control as I can as to how I react. I have too many regrets as a result of inaction when it comes to death and I fear repeating my past mistakes but I am not sure what the right thing to do in this case is.

I fear regretting not speaking up but also fear the repercussions if I do.

These things stand out at me. I may be going the complete wrong direction and if so i appologize and ignore this.

Ive been thinking about this and asking why, why do they haunt and how do we change that?

Its sort of why i asked why it has that power to.

For a long time I used my moms last words to mentally/emotionally beat the hell out of myself and prove i was a horrible person.

Thats what "haunt' means to me. What does it mean to you? Specifically? When you say they haunt you, what are you meaning by that specifcally?

Where I was going with the letter is thats good to tell her what you think and how you feel, You did this to me, etc. But are you looking for new last words? Is that an expectation that you are putting in place? (Not sure, thats why im asking). If so, it may lead to a severe disappointment and possibly new abusive-ness.

If not then i say send the letter as a letter that says you did this and this is what it did to me and how its still effecting my life, could be very theraputic. I know my therapist wanted me to send a letter for those reasons.

There's a way to not be haunted by last words anymore and you have zero control of other's last words, though I cant say how i did it. Id speak your therapist about specifically this as this is what keeps coming to my head.

Im sorry if im just rambling in the wrong direction and also i appologize that i didnt have direct answers. I do understand the issue though as last words someone says to me that are still alive goes on a fast cycle in my head, never goes away, and just keeps coming back to haunt me (in my definition of that anyway).

Im sorry you are faced with this! I know its hard! :hug:

 

[Kailani]

Fade,

I am sorry you have already had to deal with innappropriate last words. People just don't realize the power of words over someone. On one hand I try to look at it as a bigger picture; their electrolytes may be screwed up and their iron levels from not eating and that can lead to irritability and depression also they may be in pain or have fear of facing death. If we were faced with dying today we might be really stressed. I look at people like that and pity them. They are not well and haven't been well for awhile, physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. Hope that helps! We can't control other people; only our reactions. If you do decide on any contact, you could still keep your boundaries of health for you and have plan b and plan c to remove yourself from innappriate comments or behavior. Take care!

 

[Fadeaway]

I think I may just be freaking about her impending death and afraid of the possibility she might already be dead. No one would call to inform me. I am not even sure if the coroner's office would know to contact me. I might just have a welfare check done tomorrow.

 

[scout86]

Another thought. Obits are normally in the local paper. I googled my dad's name to find out the funeral arrangements because no one was going to tell me. You might try that. It's a little less intrusive than a welfare check.

 

[Fadeaway]

I have been checking the Obits, but since I would be the one to write the obit, I am not sure how that works. I guess they just list name and date of death. See that is something else i have been struggling with. I am technically the one who would be responsible for her burial and everything.