The Never Ending Story

[amethist]

"That's not Vulcan blood you numpty", shouted Geraldine from the loft window, "Its Pea soup for the scouts in the top field"

"What do they want with Pea soup" asked Judy and Peter at the same time.

"No idea" replied Geraldine, "Something about knowing how to Roast Beef, but not Pea soup. So I made them some."

 

[KP the nut]

Oh, how boring shouted Peter and Judy, it would have been better in it had been Vulcan blood, that Jean Luc Picard is so sexy said Judy.

Judy asked Peter, 'I wonder what the Scouts will do with pea soup'

 

[CraftyCath]

Whilst Peter was pondering the pea soup mystery a tall, dark figure appeared at the door. 'Hello old chap,' said the stranger, 'Got any sherry in the house, old bean?'

'I can't believe it's actually you, My third cousin twice removed, Major General Basildon Barmy from Blighty. What are you doing here.....'

 

[amethist]

"Get me a sherry and I will tell you the whole sorry tale" he said cheerfully.

Peter groaned inwardly, the last thing he needed right now, was someone else with a "Sorry tale" to tell, had he not got enough of his own just now.

The major plonked himself down on the only free chair with nothing stacked on it, and began to tell his "Sorry tale".

"You will not believe what I have just witnessed on the Old Skank Road, bones flying everywhere and old Bridey chasing them in a souped up Dodge Viper".

"But she is dead" exclaimed Peter. "I saw here harassing everyone for favors, from the lowest cherub to God himself only a few days ago in Heaven.

Ooops, thought Judy, now he's blown it, just when this could have got interesting. That's my damn car she was driving, her cheating at Poker lost me that.

 

[amethist]

Suddenly they heard a wail of some kind, Snout jumped up from the hearth knocking the Major's sherry out of his hand.

Peter ran for the door, falling over digger who had been ignoring everyone and everything for the last few days, and Judy gasped a huge sigh of relief thankful for the distraction.

There was no way she wanted to try and explain to Peter about playing cards with Bridey and DEATH to get him back.

 

[CraftyCath]

'Damn dog,' shouted the Major irately, 'damn waste of a fine sherry.'
Before Peter could get to the door Snout reached it and began scratching at the woodwork and whimpering to get out. Judy, grateful as ever for the distraction, did a runner out the back door. Peter opened the front door only to discover...

 

[KP the nut]

A man waving a collection tin for the RSPCA (SPCA), the Major still annoyed about the waste of sherry shouted, don't give money, if they are collecting they can take that damned Snout.

Peter shouted back at the Major, we can't do that, Snout is .........................

 

[CraftyCath]

'.....the owner of the whole estate!'

The Major removed his Monocle and stroked his handle bar mustache. 'Stupid mut,' he growled under his breath. The RSPA (SPCA) man was still shaking his collecting tin violently in Peter's face. Peter................

 

[anni]

Clocked him, shocking the Major but not Judy, who was used to this by now. Peter rubbed his bleeding knuckles and dragged the senseless interloper out of the threshold, throwing his cup after him before slamming the door. " Judy giggled, explaining to the still aghast guest " It's those darn Latter-Day saints, again. Sorry! You just can never tell where one of them is going to turn up. " She retrieved the sherry glass from under the table, refilled it this time with the GOOD sherry by way of laying the astonished Major's ruffled feathers and settled him back in the rocking chair. " Now then, Major Barmy, you were saying you'd seen that old Skank in your travels? Last we heard she was pregnant with her 42nd child. She was drag racing in her condition?? Honobbing with Death? Do please, tell us all!"

Thus entreated, and under the mellowing influence of old sherry, Major Barmy polished his monicle, puffed out his chest and settled in to his chair to begin his heroic and harrowing tale.

 

[amethist]

The major began his "Sorry tale", telling them first of how he had been conned by Bridey and Death into a game of cards.

Judy groaned inwardly. "My god" she thought, "Not another one playing cards with Death"

The Major continued with his tale, telling them how he had come across them both as he drove down the back roads, having come off the highway and getting lost. They had flagged him down, saying they had run out of gas and had a spare can they could have, this is where it all went so, so badly wrong.

" I was driving an irreplaceable vintage Rolls Royce Silver Shadow Convertible. They wanted this instead of the gas, I of course refused to let them have it. But being a gambling man, this was my greatest ever mistake and loss". "They talked me into a game of cards, how could I refuse this, as Death offered to leave me be for the next 2000 years, if I won". Like the idiot I can be at times, I agreed."

"The last time I saw my precious car, they had changed the engine for a big block Chevy 7 Litre and a super charger, and was being drag raced down the highway. All I got was that rusty old heap of junk I drove up in".

 

[Anna Banana]

Meanwhile, in the pasture, the sheep started plotting their escape from these loony people, but since they were sheep, they got confused about who to follow, so they

 

[amethist]

Looked over the wall, to see 3 cows, 4 goats, 8 chickens and a pig, all heading towards a hole in the fence that had been made in it the night before by....