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The "pat My Head" Syndrome

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Personally, I don't have that to deal with. I am glad that I really don't care what people think of me. I just try as best as I can to do the right thing as much as I can, knowing I will probably always fall short of that goal. For me it helps to have my spiritual beliefs and a belief in a higher power of my choosing. It helps me to know that my higher power knows what is in my heart and other people's heart. That way, I don't have to impress anyone else or gain their approval. Again, this is just the way I believe and live my life. I hope you find the answers you are looking for.
 
I understand what you're talking about. It used to be a constant with me when I was younger. I couldn't be proud of my own achievements or be motivated to achieve unless I thought I would be praised in some way. Then, my mother left us (only for a while, I was overreacting at the time) and my best friend/neighbor for 10 years moved away.

I felt alone, and I felt that nothing could be permanent. After all, I had nearly been sent into foster care a few times in my childhood. From then on, my sense of aloneness made me think in a "do things for myself and only myself" kind of way, not letting people walk all over me. After awhile, I healed from the wound that my mother and best friend leaving had left on me, and I became a lot happier.

My mother and best friend leaving was actually good for me, because after I recovered from the losses, the habit of not seeking approval stuck with me. One of my favorite quotes: "If you want to have a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not to people or things." This quotes saved me a lot
 
until my inner child started yelling at me (seriously) through my writing.

I keep telling myself I am going to go back to this. I did it once in the 90's. Handwriting, not typing and in childish scrawl I was told to Go Away! We don't like you! You yell too much!

I have been afraid to go that route but now is a different time and I have talked out loud and by typing and got not only answers but conversations.

The actual handwriting though is so much more personal. It is amazing as your hand starts to move and write on its own.

Thank you for reminding me of this.
 
But sometimes someone really cares and then I fall apart in tears.

This might be slightly stupid of me, but I think that´s beautiful. It means you´re not numb. That you´re still susceptible to receiving affection. Yeah it might be uncomfortable to have such a strong reaction, but I´m sure it will become better in time, when your brain is adjusted to the idea that you deserve all the love you can get :)

Then I did something weird (even for me). I started writing. I used the "we" to show solidarity with my inner child ... until my inner child started yelling at me (seriously) through my writing.

Something similar happened to me. I use psychedelics once in a blue moon (like once in three years) with the intention of opening my mind up to new opportunities, but only when I know I´ll be safe. Last time I did this, I suddenly heard myself saying "you are being such an asshole". To myself. Not in a accusing way, but in a sad way. I had been tormenting myself, demanding way too much. This happened after I wrote this post initially.

It´s very interesting to see how in the end it might be our inner child that ends up saving us, not the other way around. If you let your inner child save you, you might be better off somehow. Which is weird. I just realized that now.
 
This might be slightly stupid of me, but I think that´s beautiful. It means you´re not numb. That you´...
"In the end it might be our inner child that saves us, not the other way around." That is beautiful and profound. I guess it makes sense, as the younger parts of ourselves had to develop such incredible strength just to survive. Without their strength there would be no adult here trying to make sense of it all. A lot to think about, thank you Radise.
 
Hey Radise,

broken Dahlia has described well.

I do find myself having those “gimme the Confirmation“ thing going. A few years ago, I felt having such thoughts is weak and making me sissy. So, my strategy was to confirm others that I dont need them, I can do well without others. Thats the other side of it, becoming lonely and isolated. The wanting (Of my inner children) Is being shut out with “You are tough, the more you learn to survive by ur own the harder you get“. Thats not quite true, because I do have a caring mother. I grew up with a military kind of upbringing in boarding schools where humans are being told to get disciplined.

Shankara
 
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