The possibility of life without my service dog scares me

[Justmehere]

I can function both with my service dog and without my dog and using skills. It's much easier with the service dog.

Someone was stupid and gave my service dog something she shouldn't have. This stirs up so many things for me.... We are now at the vet, and I am trying to leave all the self-blame and other-blame behind and just focus on caring for the dog. She will probably be ok when all is said and done.

In these moments, when I get scared I'm going to lose her, I can't function very well. I can't think. It feels like the world is ending when I know it is not. My mind keeps racing to the fear of my sweet pup dying and the additional fear of "how will I function without her?"

My lifestyle is built up around having and using a service dog and there are some real downsides but there are times where I don't actually have as good of a replacement skill to navigate life. I wonder if I am too attached, too dependent. Without her, I feel really alone. Like really really alone, even in a crowd or around friends. She is the only one who really unconditionally accepts me all the time.

And I just really want her to be ok.

Edited to fix typos. Sheesh, I'm a bit scatterbrained at the moment.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I hear you and am listening.:hug: It must be very scary and heartbreaking to consider all the negative possibilities. However, you have a wonderful gift of healing energy. You are not responsible for fate but perhaps if we all add light, love and prayers (in whatever form is for the individual) all will manifest in your fur baby's healing.

Sending such belief across the net and miles... keep the faith luv, keep the faith strong :hug:

 

[scout86]

Hoping also that she's going to be ok!

I wonder if I am too attached, too dependent.

She's your friend and also a useful tool. I'm not sure you can get too attached or dependent. But, it doesn't hurt to plan for a worst case scenario either. None of us are getting out of here alive, you know? Including that lovely dog of yours. It might be good to have some idea on how to move forward with getting another service dog, before the time comes. Just having a plan can relieve a lot of anxiety.

 

[Justmehere]

Thanks @Recovery4Me - it's helps to know you are listening and sending light and prayers.

Thanks @scout86 for the encouragement too.

Yeah But, it doesn't hurt to plan for a worst case scenario either. None of us are getting out of here alive, you know? Including that lovely dog of yours. It might be good to have some idea on how to move forward with getting another service dog, before the time comes.

I've been thinking about this lately - my dog is about 5 years old and if she lives a normal life for a lab, she is approaching the middle of her useful service dog years. Many start and kind 2 and retire around 7-9 years old. I will likely outlive her.

I've been thinking about what I would do next and how I would know it's time to start the search for another service dog. It would probably begin in a year or so as it takes quite a bit of time...

Thinking of life without her feels like losing a limb. I'm so used to her being there I sometimes even forget she is there in the same way I forget my hand is there. It makes me glad for the times I go without her because I know I will be ok and I can live and be ok... but dang. This is hard. Separation anxiety is sometimes an issue for service dogs when they retire, because they are so used to a working dog life always with their person, but I bet many service users go through a rough season too.

I like the idea of planning ahead though so it feels less scary and I can focus better on taking good care of us both.

I hope that I have lots of more time with this pup.

 

[desiderata310]

@Justmehere
Just wanted to say I'm listening. I'm sure she will be ok. This is just part of the life of a handler.
Let us know how she is fairing and how you are holding up

 

[Justmehere]

Thanks @desiderata310

Oh the vet tech just decided to tell me the specialist on foreign object ingestion is caught up with several euthanasias but will be with me as soon as possible.

I told her to please not tell me about other dogs dying at the moment. Make something up if you have to. Omg.

 

[anonymous]

Im sorry to hear about your dog. Thinking of you and hoping all turns out well.:hug:

 

[Justmehere]

Humans. It's humans I can't handle. The vet tech looked at me like I made the weirdest request.

Would a nurse ever say "the ER doctor will be with you soon they just have a few deaths to deal with" to a patient fight back tears? No. Or maybe they would. I dunno.

 

[Recovery4Me]

So many jaded professionals! So proud of you for not being one of them.:hug: Just a bit longer...hold on...

 

[Joan]

So sorry that you are going through that. I too have a service dog. Last week he got an injury at the dog park...not hing life threatening at all, but I was so upset...when he is off I am definitely off. I hope that you get good news soon...so stressful. Try to take sweet care of yourself.

 

[desiderata310]

The vet tech looked at me like I made the weirdest request.

It was probably not something that had ever occurred to her before. 'Oh, I probably shouldn't talk about dead puppies in front of the lady worried sick about her dog'
YA THINK? that's just empathy 101.

 

[Justmehere]

Looks like we are in a watch a see place. I'm actually going to stay up with her and if anything goes south go right back to the vet...

Trying to not be pissed at the new dog owner who gave her a treat with a big fat warning label on it to not feed to dogs over 25 lbs because of this very reason.

Trying to not be angry at him. He's been super apologetic and was even willing to pay the bills. I said no. Why? I dunno. I just did. It's my dog my responsibility I should have been more clear and right now I can't deal with humans face to face anymore without going over the edge into tears. He's a new dog owner. Sweet guy. Meant no harm.

I feel so not functional. It's like my brain just stops thinking. Trying to breathe. 6 hours sitting at the vet alone now. I can't wait to get out of here.