Mina
Diamond Member
Feel free to add your comments as to why Christmas is tough!
So last year, 2007, should have been a great first Christmas as husband and wife. However, the dog was making me completely miserable, trying to placate it and keep it quiet so DH could sleep, and having it invade the whole house (which was NOT the plan), and having to babysit it outside so it didn't fall in the pool... That had been going on since Thanksgiving, when the inlaws decided to show up and bring us the dog because it was sort of the final chance before winter really set in. We were NOT ready, partly because DH hadn't done anything he said he would to prepare (like the pool fence).
I got bitten December 15th, 10 days before Christmas. I hadn't wrapped anything yet, hadn't decorated, hadn't made caramels...dealing with the dog had just made me too miserable and exhausted, and with a 100-lb furball constantly underfoot, it was kinda hard anyways.
I ended up buying gift bags, and very large tags. I "wrapped" everything with just my left hand (my off hand), even DH's sawhorses. I painstakingly wrote names on the tags...it looked like a kindergartner's writing. Made me feel pretty stupid that I couldn't even write my own name on a gift tag. It was hard to open my giftwrap bin and see them this year.
My pseudo-parents were in Cozumel for the whole month, and since I worked out of town, I knew no one here and had no one to help me. There was a MONSTER chasm between DH and I because of what each of us thought should happen to the dog. It was a really, really lonely time.
Then out of necessity the inlaws were driving up to spend Christmas, since Hutch got out of quarantine the 26th, and they were taking him to live with them (again - he lived with them for a few months while DH moved and got settled). Okay...so I was suddenly having to do Christmas dinner. At least they were kind enough to stay in a hotel so I didn't have to deal with guests.
Then mice got into the kitchen cupboards and all the drawers. They pooped and peed on everything, even my silverware. I'd already had to wash everything a month before when we got back from the honeymoon, as the contractors hadn't masked off the cupboards before they did concrete work, and everything was coated with grit. Now I was getting to do it all again...one handed.
And then it got even better! The heating element on the dishwasher went out, so it wouldn't get warm. Great. Everything needed to be washed by hand in order to actually get cleaned and disinfected. Fun proposition, when all you've got is your off hand. DH was a total pain in the ass about helping, too.
Ugh...it just wasn't anything like Christmas should be. I was struggling so hard to do normal tasks, with only virtual support from friends and family hundreds of miles away, and definitely no real shoulder to cry on. I was in physical and emotional pain, disassociating, and shocked. Nothing at all like Christmas should be.
This week DH and I talked about it, and I am so glad that my current state of mind makes some sense to him. It really only takes one bad experience to make something difficult again. The cues are all the same as last year, so I'm struggling not to read them with last year's memories. I'm really trying.
Even without the dogbite, I wasn't a big fan of Christmas. The last Christmas I spent with my real, extended family was the one several months after my cousin Kari was killed in 2000. Kari was a huge part of Christmas, since we spent every one of them together our whole lives, and always hung out together every holiday. Just not the same without her.
Then with my ex-husband, his family would go turning it all dramatic that we weren't coming for Christmas. I seriously don't care about spending Christmas with family. Just because we're related doesn't mean I like them and want to spend a holiday with them. I prefer to spend it with just people I like, and have it low-key.
The year I got divorced, I didn't want to do anything Christmasy, so I scheduled a ridealong with Aspen PD (near where I lived at the time) for Christmas Eve. I spent the whole 10-hour graveyard shift tagging along. It was great fun, and I really enjoyed it!! Even had an actual crime (rare in Aspen), and noticed blood evidence the officers had missed. Then I slept 3 hours and went over to my aunt & uncle's house (actually my father's best friends, but I call them that) for a low key meal. It was great. I can always be so real with them, none of the fake crap.
This year, 2008, I am trying hard to not be a trainwreck. I've sent gifts to my real parents, my sisters, my best friend, and a friend in Iraq. I have small gifts to give to my fellow police-wife friend and her 3 daughters, as well as the two gals I work with (just trying to be nice on those two). I've actually made 2 batches of caramels, and am doing a third one today (not looking forward to it, though), and will give those to work contacts and DH's squad. I took piglet to see Santa, and am going to send the photo to my friends who sent me pictures of their kids. I bought the Enya and Sarah Brightman holiday CDs, and they're quite lovely. Our little fake tree is up, thanks to DH. And that's about as much as I can handle, besides going to church. DH has agreed to come with me on Christmas Eve :)
One of DH's colleagues has invited us for Christmas Day dinner with him and his family. They're serving seafood. I HATE seafood, but I think we're going to go and I'll bring something else. They're really nice people...we've gone to their house for squad bbq's before...and it's so kind of them to invite us. I would like to go. The prospect of spending Christmas dinner with a fellow police family is also appealing. It's just more comfortable, because everybody knows what it's like and speaks the same language. We'll see.
It is hard, but I am trying. I'm hopeful that next year, I'll actually enjoy Christmas.
So last year, 2007, should have been a great first Christmas as husband and wife. However, the dog was making me completely miserable, trying to placate it and keep it quiet so DH could sleep, and having it invade the whole house (which was NOT the plan), and having to babysit it outside so it didn't fall in the pool... That had been going on since Thanksgiving, when the inlaws decided to show up and bring us the dog because it was sort of the final chance before winter really set in. We were NOT ready, partly because DH hadn't done anything he said he would to prepare (like the pool fence).
I got bitten December 15th, 10 days before Christmas. I hadn't wrapped anything yet, hadn't decorated, hadn't made caramels...dealing with the dog had just made me too miserable and exhausted, and with a 100-lb furball constantly underfoot, it was kinda hard anyways.
I ended up buying gift bags, and very large tags. I "wrapped" everything with just my left hand (my off hand), even DH's sawhorses. I painstakingly wrote names on the tags...it looked like a kindergartner's writing. Made me feel pretty stupid that I couldn't even write my own name on a gift tag. It was hard to open my giftwrap bin and see them this year.
My pseudo-parents were in Cozumel for the whole month, and since I worked out of town, I knew no one here and had no one to help me. There was a MONSTER chasm between DH and I because of what each of us thought should happen to the dog. It was a really, really lonely time.
Then out of necessity the inlaws were driving up to spend Christmas, since Hutch got out of quarantine the 26th, and they were taking him to live with them (again - he lived with them for a few months while DH moved and got settled). Okay...so I was suddenly having to do Christmas dinner. At least they were kind enough to stay in a hotel so I didn't have to deal with guests.
Then mice got into the kitchen cupboards and all the drawers. They pooped and peed on everything, even my silverware. I'd already had to wash everything a month before when we got back from the honeymoon, as the contractors hadn't masked off the cupboards before they did concrete work, and everything was coated with grit. Now I was getting to do it all again...one handed.
And then it got even better! The heating element on the dishwasher went out, so it wouldn't get warm. Great. Everything needed to be washed by hand in order to actually get cleaned and disinfected. Fun proposition, when all you've got is your off hand. DH was a total pain in the ass about helping, too.
Ugh...it just wasn't anything like Christmas should be. I was struggling so hard to do normal tasks, with only virtual support from friends and family hundreds of miles away, and definitely no real shoulder to cry on. I was in physical and emotional pain, disassociating, and shocked. Nothing at all like Christmas should be.
This week DH and I talked about it, and I am so glad that my current state of mind makes some sense to him. It really only takes one bad experience to make something difficult again. The cues are all the same as last year, so I'm struggling not to read them with last year's memories. I'm really trying.
Even without the dogbite, I wasn't a big fan of Christmas. The last Christmas I spent with my real, extended family was the one several months after my cousin Kari was killed in 2000. Kari was a huge part of Christmas, since we spent every one of them together our whole lives, and always hung out together every holiday. Just not the same without her.
Then with my ex-husband, his family would go turning it all dramatic that we weren't coming for Christmas. I seriously don't care about spending Christmas with family. Just because we're related doesn't mean I like them and want to spend a holiday with them. I prefer to spend it with just people I like, and have it low-key.
The year I got divorced, I didn't want to do anything Christmasy, so I scheduled a ridealong with Aspen PD (near where I lived at the time) for Christmas Eve. I spent the whole 10-hour graveyard shift tagging along. It was great fun, and I really enjoyed it!! Even had an actual crime (rare in Aspen), and noticed blood evidence the officers had missed. Then I slept 3 hours and went over to my aunt & uncle's house (actually my father's best friends, but I call them that) for a low key meal. It was great. I can always be so real with them, none of the fake crap.
This year, 2008, I am trying hard to not be a trainwreck. I've sent gifts to my real parents, my sisters, my best friend, and a friend in Iraq. I have small gifts to give to my fellow police-wife friend and her 3 daughters, as well as the two gals I work with (just trying to be nice on those two). I've actually made 2 batches of caramels, and am doing a third one today (not looking forward to it, though), and will give those to work contacts and DH's squad. I took piglet to see Santa, and am going to send the photo to my friends who sent me pictures of their kids. I bought the Enya and Sarah Brightman holiday CDs, and they're quite lovely. Our little fake tree is up, thanks to DH. And that's about as much as I can handle, besides going to church. DH has agreed to come with me on Christmas Eve :)
One of DH's colleagues has invited us for Christmas Day dinner with him and his family. They're serving seafood. I HATE seafood, but I think we're going to go and I'll bring something else. They're really nice people...we've gone to their house for squad bbq's before...and it's so kind of them to invite us. I would like to go. The prospect of spending Christmas dinner with a fellow police family is also appealing. It's just more comfortable, because everybody knows what it's like and speaks the same language. We'll see.
It is hard, but I am trying. I'm hopeful that next year, I'll actually enjoy Christmas.
