I think a lot of people (myself included) consider police/fire/EMT etc to be paramilitary and therefore included in this. I’m no clinician, I’m just a person who likes my free county… and I consider first responders “setvants” who give service to this country just as vets have.
Thank you Anthony for the article with metaphor.
I’ve been abused …earliest remembrance is 2. My whole life I’ve been tortured in all manners of abuse. CPTSD is diagnosis. I’m 49 and have shut down. The abuse continues. Suicide I did, and somehow survived. I’m not dramatic, scared that I should even be putting this on here. My first time. I can’t even get through my settings for joining the site.
I’m on medication, under psychiatric care, the whole thing.
I don’t believe they’re is not enough of anything to help.
Please don’t be scared for putting your thoughts on here, thats what this site is for. Just reading your little blurb tells me you’ve been through so much. Its really nice to see you getting help but I just want to say that what you said about there not being enough of anything to help you- I don’t think thats true. I really do think there are so many things out there that can help you, even if they may seem little. You trying to join this site was one of them. Just seeing other people’s experiences and pain can help connect ours to theirs and help us through. I really do believe theres enough of everything to help you. I really hope you read this and if theres anyone else reading I do believe the same for you.
That button metaphor really opened my eyes. I always read about people overflowing and exploding and it didnt click for me. In nearly a decade of suffering from ptsd, I can only recall a handfull of times when I broke down; always with tears never anger. By and large the things that terrify me the most, are not the things I do when I lose control. Even my twisted mind can only blame me so much for crying. The things that stops me from living a normal life are the things I did when I was IN control of the situation. Crying because you are depressed is normal. Demanding that loved ones behave in the manner I prescribe, or the enemy will kill us, that’s the stuff that keeps me up at night. I see the look on peoples faces. For me its just another day at the office. For everyone else it looks like theyr’e trapped in a room with a killbot…with a broken switch
Now I understand this and what’s actually going on inside of me. This has really helped me. This explains why I am doing the right and healthy thing when I limit my time and any conversation with those who have always been toxic, neurotic or the damaging stressors in my life since I was born. This is why my husband will say that I am a different person when I’m not around them. Sad, but it is my reality. My breakdowns were the result of just way too much damage without any relief to rest and heal. I have to take care of myself, my health. Like the Bible says, guard your heart and your mind. I’ve turned to the wrong people for support and it was further damaging. I must face what works individually for me and not compare my life with others like a meaduring stick of success. Its actually a very wrong and stupid thing tp do. I do matter, and what helps me is just as important as it is for everybody else. I am not less than those who have hurt me. I do matter. Thank you. This has really helped and it’s easy to visualize and that always helps me understand a lot better. May God bless you, richly ❤
This explains a lot. I already had this idea of a stress bucket in my head. I really think my brain is different to other people, without PTSD and i really am trying to understand what is going on? I dont work in emergency services, but in homeless sector with families, refugees, addiction, mental health etc and sometimes the chaos is almost addictive, the adrenaline rush, and I can manage a big caseload, hardly supervised, but then one tiny irrelevant thing occurs and I’ve lost the plot… And can end up forced into sectioned. They still allow me back, and I’m more aware now.
From the sounds of it @BM2A, you just need to teach yourself to recognise that point where you’re about to explode and lose it… walk away for a day or two at that point, then return, all without losing it to begin with.
I wasn’t looking for advice. I think that reply is a little bit patronising. I have a lot of symptoms that I’m managing, I’m on meds, I’m in therapy, ive worked hard to get to this point. Ive been through some really traumatic sexual violence. I just meant the article the PTSD cup makes sense to me.
i grew up in a household with four children. I was trained not to bother anyone, that my opinion didn’t matter. Growing up, my father would tell me I did perceive things as they really were. I guess this was his way of gaslighting me. Now I am married to a spouse who could care less about the way I see things and doesn’t listen to me much of the time. So neither do my kids, now.