The Right To Exist, After Workplace Triggering Event

[Seasounds]

After a lot of inner work, after realizing that my superiors won't protect me when attacked at work, after studying self-defense that teaches me to emotionally and physically protect myself, I've come through a recent attack at work, even better than my recent bullying events. Instead of even considering that I did anything wrong, I knew that I did my part well. Instead of living in fear-if I stand up for myself-even internally, where I take the posture of someone afraid, I have the courage and the ability to speak up for myself. As I still have my past emotional trauma to deal with, the emotional healing, in the present, is trickling into the past; allowing me to embody the 'right to exist'.

I additionally reached out to HR, who provides a coaching staff, to help with stressful workplace moments. HR supported me to expect my manager to deal with conflicts, and HR helped me develop a plan of talking to my manager. Due to the HR/management relationships, I don't expect results, and I am watching out for myself, politically; and I do like my ability to speak about my perspective.

 

[jmni]

after studying self-defense that teaches me to emotionally and physically protect myself, I've come through a recent attack at work, even better than my recent bullying events. Instead of even considering that I did anything wrong, I knew that I did my part well.

What did you study?

 

[Seasounds]

I'm a student of Model Mugging. It is a particular style of self-defense, taught in major cities in the US, once or twice a year. It's perspective is giving women the right and the ability to protect "what is theirs", because, if they don't or aren't able to, it will be challenged and maybe take away from them (based on the fact that we are animals, and in the animal kingdom, if you don't defend what is yours, it will be taken.)

It is taught in such a wholistic way, (dealing with emotions of participants, providing education to recognize threatening dynamics, teaching how to emotionally and verbally respond to threats, etc.) that the overall class translates into endowing the graduates with the right to exist.

I avoided the class for years; finally found the courage to take the class, and made arrangements to pay for it.
It is a weekend class.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Kudos @change

 

[Notsowild]

I was verbally attacked by my manager. After 3 months stress leave and meetings with H R and my union I am back at work. My manager has been good but I feel a lot of hostility with my co-workers. I know they don't fully understand why I was away. So know they gossip and make up their own reasons. Even my friend said "must have been nice to have a long holiday". Oh yes some holiday! Lets see... Insomnia, extreme dissociation, hypervigilance , panic attacks etc etc. I even called her in it and she said " I was only joking" Nice. I feel like some alien creature that works there. Nobody cares and nobody understands. It's so hard.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I'm sorry @Notsowild people at work are clueless. Now that I run my own business and have no paid days off, I have realized how many people just skirt through. I hope things improve for you.

 

[Seasounds]

I appreciate hearing a out your situation. it helps me know that i am not alone. I'm sorry for the pain you've gone though, having you boss yell at you! That abusive behavior was not warranted. I'm glad you survived and took time off.

The resentful comments of your co-workers will improve. They are not handling their anger well-of their own stresses.. I'd reassure yourself that you did the right thing, and (to yourself) that they have choices, too. I'd go so far as even gently deflecting their comments, and turn the conversation to an enjoyable or neutral topic.

Managers often get promoted to their position not because of their emotional immaturity, or not because of their lack of abilities to work through workplace conflicts without abusive behaviors. They can get promoted for a host of other reasons: a convincing interview, a work history of 'getting the job done' (with known. or unknown bully-like dynamics), or for their seniority, or for being good looking, or for being friends with the boss.

Whatever the case, I've found it best to rely on myself, solve my difficulties, in the following ways-which could be options or ideas for you:

• I improved my job performance, and attitude to prevent any criticisms.
• I reminded,myself, that my boss has problems, as do I. I can only change my behaviors. I can't plan on my boss changing.
• I decided to work with my therapist on being politically wise, and using strategies at work to help my survival.
• Those strategies included: finding ways to not escalate, to offer solutions, expressing my frustrations to my therapist (instead of to my boss or co-workers), infrequently making suggestions-rather than sharing my blunt opinions, initiating neutral and positive rapport with my boss and coworkers, and like you, I take sick days, if needed.
• Learning all of the above workplace survival skills interested me, not because it is sucking-up (which they are, in many ways), but because I wanted to develop my skills of survival, and I wanted learn to have more relational, and social skills.
• I still can have a voice, it is just through subtler means, and toned down, since the people and managers are so easily threatened. My thoughts are more easily heard and better respected.

Good luck!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

change I also took model mugging many years ago and wow the results are incredible so I clap my hands at this major accomplishment.

Good for you.