After leaving a toxic workplace, I landed in a new one-- scared and losing hope

[Light and warmth]

The last 1.5 years have been really rough for me. 1.5 years ago, my previous workplace that used to be great, deteriorated very rapidly into a very toxic workplace. There were already issues simmering beneath the surface, but long story short, I got so severely stressed that it made me sick so I definitively left it last April and made a career switch to a different but related field. (my previous workplace was very specific)

I was in strong need of a success experience, of building some confidence, of some development and learning new things, finally focusing on my actual job for once. Instead, I got the opposite.

The place I came to work at turned out to be a snake pit. I wasn't trained by the people who were supposed to train me (figuring it out on my own), and immediately I noticed that a few people dislike me which quickly turned into bullying. Others I'm fine with, but it's a not a good environment and the people I'm fine with also say that they struggle here. It has 9/10 signs of a toxic workplace. The manager is easily overruled by the bullying types and avoids having to do anything, which is the core issue here I think (it's more complicated than just the bullies). However, the manager also did some really intimidating and questionable things which also causes a lot of distrust for me. HR promised weeks ago to step in (me and several other colleagues complained to them) but it's only this week that they'll speak to the manager. One person who was supposed to ''protect'' me turned out to spread lies about me and is close with the bullies. At that point, it really is too much of a snake pit for me.

In any case, I completely shut down. I noticed in my previous job but even more so here, that I'm regressing in a way and that I absolutely cannot tolerate this situation. I'm actually home sick right now, and this whole situation prompted me to seek help because I'm very worried about my mental health. The psychologist who also diagnosed me with PTSD (stemming from childhood, not work) told me that this work environment is triggering my PTSD. I find that I absolutely cannot tolerate a toxic work environment. I can't deal with toxicity, it truly makes me sick and the bullying directed at me makes it worse. Somehow, toxic dynamics are huge triggers, even though I could wish that my home life in childhood was as ''toxic'' as this job... (as in, it was so much worse and more...)

I could transfer to another team or leave this line of work altogether, but the real problem in that is that I feel absolutely unfit to work, my self-esteem has been destroyed, I can't see myself looking for another job and risking yet another absolutely horrible experience that causes a lot of damage. Another team/department feels like just another gamble. I'm just so done and I'm scared that because I am/feel so unable to deal with ingrained toxicity and work in such an environment, that I'm essentially unable to work. I feel scared and I don't know where to go or what to do. Switch again? Stay in this field? Honestly, now that therapy starts I just want to focus on recovery. Can anyone relate?

 

[arfie]

posilutely, i can relate. i think. i am relating from a miserable herstory of job hopping. with the 20/20 hindsight of retirement, i believe i was most often using my work conditions as a scapegoat which i held responsible for all my ills. it's not me. it's THEM. my own deeply conditioned willingness to see the world as, "us versus them" made that tendency as natural as breathing to me.

my career stability began to improve when i went ahead and focused on that recovery and treated my work conditions like exposure therapy. i'm not here to judge. i'm just testing the therapy tools. testing, 1, 2, 3. . .

dunno how similar this is to your case. just sharing personal experience.
steadying support while you sort your own case.

 

[abovedown]

I am so sorry that even changing job did not bring you into a better work environment . Is there anybody in your workplace you could talk about this matter? Do you have good friends, family membersband/or important hobbies that give you support to handle your work situation?

 

[Movingforward10]

I hear you. I am also in a toxic culture at work and it's hard/draining.

Can you find another job?
In the meantime, what can be put in place to make it more bearable?
Is it a job where you can work from home? (I'm going in the office less and less which avoids some, not all, of the culture).
If things are triggering you, are there ways of managing that in a different way?
Are there formal processes where you can raise things?
Any allies at all in work who feel the same as you, so you at least have a shared experience to off load?


We can't change work cultures. So we either stay and manage it somehow. Or we find another job (sometimes easier said than done).

 

[tofubreadcoriander]

Yep. I can relate. Narcissistic work environments are so toxic. Depends how HR deals with the issue. You've a few options, IMO:

1. Stay and see what HR does - whether there'll be a new manager or the current one takes action and some toxic people will leave the company giving you and your colleagues respite; if this doesn't happen then,
2. If HR says it's ok then you are dealing with a toxic work culture (from top to bottom) [also my case and from experience you can't change these places unless you {and your friends} become the majority owners of the company and change it from the ground up - do you have the resources to engage in such a battle?] - you have to change jobs

Changing jobs can be difficult. It means you've to keep dealing with the issues at work while you find a new work place. My advice is to thoroughly write your questions down to address management during interviews so you screen out toxic work places. One question I have put to a manager once was how was he dealing with conflicts at work and he gave a poor answer. That was an indicator of a weak leader(ship).

It's great that you're going to therapy. You'll get support there and it'll help you navigate these next changes in your life. I took the road of going to college to improve my CV so I have better chances for interviews (so that I won't get rejected automatically by AI systems). Hang in there. You can do it.

 

[Rorster93]

Changing jobs can be difficult. It means you've to keep dealing with the issues at work while you find a new work place. My advice is to thoroughly write your questions down to address management during interviews so you screen out toxic work places. One question I have put to a manager once was how was he dealing with conflicts at work and he gave a poor answer. That was an indicator of a weak leader(ship).

I second this. Interviews are not only for questioning you, but also for you to question your new potential employer. I use the interview as an opportunity to ask questions about the culture specifically. Do not be afraid to ask questions, this is vital information for you and shows the interviewer that you are truly interested.

 

[whiteraven]

I'm 62 and have been working since I was 15. I only just--like within the last two years--found a job where the people are caring and honest and do not tolerate harassment or bullying. After talking to a LOT of folks, I came to realize most places are toxic. But...I also discovered that there are some that just aren't.

Any way you can work for a company online, maybe not in your field? I started in the office, but they let me go and stay home. It's 1000% better than being exposed to an office environment. You might need, in any case, to do a lot of research on companies--read reviews, read their mission statements, etc.--before you find something, but I am proof that you absolutely can!

 

[hypervigilant]

I totally get it and it's exhausting.
The victim wasn't me but I stepped in and told the guys to stop. It's a manly environment if you like and the manager said don't show weakness as we will jump on it. Its fat shaming at its worst even talking about a work weigh in.
As I say I'm not the victim but the realisation that it's just another toxic nest makes me want to leave. I volunteer as it's a charity and only a part of my role is paid.
I used to really enjoy it but now it feels tainted and I don't want to go.

 

[abovedown]

I totally get it and it's exhausting.
The victim wasn't me but I stepped in and told the guys to stop. It's a manly environment if you like and the manager said don't show weakness as we will jump on it. Its fat shaming at its worst even talking about a work weigh in.
As I say I'm not the victim but the realisation that it's just another toxic nest makes me want to leave. I volunteer as it's a charity and only a part of my role is paid.
I used to really enjoy it but now it feels tainted and I don't want to go.

Topics work places easily draw all the life out of you. Even worse if it's a charity supposed to exist to help people