The Rules Of Engagement

[EloiseLandau]

Or rather, he says he can't help me with stuff HE lodged in my brain. According to him, he's burned out and can't do it.

I guess it's another case of "well sucks to be you."

 

[EloiseLandau]

Here's the funny part... I don't recall asking for his help anytime recently anyway...

 

[Eleanor]

All the nasty mean crap he used to tell me... now he doesn't want to deal with. He can only improve things for the future, but he can't help me with the stuff he said tha's lodged in my brain.

Is this normal?

For a jerk? Who is not interested in taking responsibility for himself and projecting all his faults on others? Yeah. Pretty much par for the course.

A decent person would apologize profusely - "take it back," commit to fixing whatever in themselves caused those outbursts, and ask what they could do to make up for it. IMHO.:geek:

 

[EloiseLandau]

Oh he already said he tried to fix me, it didn't work, he's been trying to work with me, it's not any better (according to him), so he gave up. But he said he'll make it better from here on in.

He did apologize but only after I pointed out it was his doing... on the other hand, he's let me know recently that maybe I'm not as smart as he is. (I think he's still kinda miffed at me.)

But yes, he says he'll make things better from here on out.

I'm not quite sure how that works, either.

I mean, doesn't he kind of have to be invited into my life again? Silly man.

 

[Eleanor]

Not as smart as he is ?!?!?:eek::mad: Honestly, EL you are well shed of this fellow.:tup: How's the house hunt going? Or is it still midterms?

 

[EloiseLandau]

I kinda reamed him for the "smart" comment.

The house hunt isn't so hot right now. Seems everyone is asking for more than I can put up... but once end of terms approach in school, leases will be up so more possibilities will come up.

 

[EloiseLandau]

Okay, I truly cannot afford to move. Between a car accident some time back and some medical stuff, the savings are unsaved.

So I will do what I must to make this place I have now as safe as I can. I need to establish a place I do feel safe, I think if I am to keep progressing in therapy.

One thing was that some years ago, x-supporter took some semi-nude pics of me. It started off with my consent, because I didn't think they would show detail. He gradually got more detailed, and I didn't have the boundries to say "no" at the time. When I saw the pics, I thought they were horrible, ugly, unattractive, glaringly repulsive, disgusting....

I finally told my x-supporter tonight that the reason the pics still upset me all these years later was it was supposed to be MY photo shoot, under MY control, and it was supposed to be my feeling and chance to feel assertive by taking pics of things I wanted to take pics of. He took that away, without meaning to, but left me bereft of a feeling of being in control. He had, in short, caused me pain and then left part of me in the same spot for 6 years.

For years he had blown me off, telling me it was no big deal.

This time I told him no, if it wasn't a big deal, I wouldn't keep going back to it.

He actually thanked me for letting him know this. And he was wiping his eyes; he was actually trying very hard not to cry.

 

[EloiseLandau]

24 hours later...and he's still so very sorry... and wants to know how he can make reparations, if he can.

 

[EloiseLandau]

The strange thing is, I feel like he does owe amends... something I hadn't really felt much of before.